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Spun Offline OP
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Hey all. I just want to say that I am really glad to have found this site. You all have "been there done that" and your advice has made a huge difference in my own progress.
I am supposed to meet and sign the papers tomorrow. I am willing. Jedi KNight your advice is what i'm going to be doing. Finish up with the exposing, then hide laugh

I am not going to beat anybody's a$$. As much as I would like to put posOM on his face somewhere, I know it's not anywhere worth it. I'm very much dumb, but I'm not stupid. If my wife cares about me so much to do what she is doing, it's not worth it. If my wife cares about me so much to allow posOM to interfere with our relationship, it's not worth it.

I feel so much better than I did a week ago. Does that mean anything? I know I deserve better. Why don't I just move on?

Can anybody tell me if there are any cases here that have a mental illness involved? My wife really is full blown coo coo for cocoa puffs, I would really be interested in reading somebody elses story.

Why am I struggling so hard? I don't even fully know what I want. I love her, and I don't like her


Spun #2689157 12/08/12 12:40 AM
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Spun,

I'm glad you found this place too. Keep posting and letting everyone know what's going on.

Sign and go dark.


Me (BH): 42
Her (WS): 39
Married 19 yrs
DD: 16, DD: 11, DD: 7
D-Day: 7-5-2011, Caught searching 10-15-2012
Spun #2689158 12/08/12 12:46 AM
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Does everybody realize how easy this all seems after the fact?

I have absolutely no reason to make any attempt to try to reconcile with my wife besides the fact that I love her and care for her.

Does this make ANY sense?

I am seriously struggling HARD CORE.

Everybody close to me says the exact same thing.
"G - T - F - O"

But I love her

Spun #2689159 12/08/12 12:54 AM
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Thank you TTS. It's MY only hope. I HAVE to remove myself from the emotions. I have held them all in for soooooooo long and now all of a sudden i have this burning need to release them all. And I can't. That is why this is so difficult for me. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, it is causing me great pain and discomfort. I wish I could go back in time. If I knew then what I know now...........

Spun #2689160 12/08/12 01:01 AM
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Spun,

That's the other part of Plan B.... You will have time to let your emotions settle and to gather your thoughts. Try to keep busy at the gym or work. Don't just sit around throwing yourself a pity party. Do you have an IM to do any communications with your WW for you?

After signing, what is the time frame b4 it is final? It usually varys from state to state.



Me (BH): 42
Her (WS): 39
Married 19 yrs
DD: 16, DD: 11, DD: 7
D-Day: 7-5-2011, Caught searching 10-15-2012
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Spun Offline OP
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Yes I have an IM.
I know I NEED to remove myself from all of my thoughts. I have work, I have alot of projects to do, I have got myself into working it out a little, I have a great support system. In time I know I will be free.
Looks like we will file early next week, so 6 months +

Spun #2689165 12/08/12 02:07 AM
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Spun, Plan B is for your healing, it removes you from the drama and pain of waywardville.

Many of us can understand why you wanted to save your marriage. Unless someone has experienced infidelity first hand I don't think they really understand why a BS would want to fight for their M.


Me 46yrs
WH 46yrs "Isildur"
Married: 22yrs 8mths
DS 9yrs;DD 19yrs;DS 21yrs
Bomb drop:marriage not working don't know if ILY 12.11.11
DD:26.11.11
WH moves to OW house 28.11.11
Formal MB Plan A 14.4.12
Plan B 27.4.12
D:20.7.14

"There are moments in life that make us & set the course of who we become. Sometimes they're little & subtle,sometimes they're big & we never saw them coming. No one asks for their life to change, but it does. It's what we do afterwards that counts & we find out who we are."
Spun #2689182 12/08/12 06:09 AM
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Originally Posted by Spun
I feel so much better than I did a week ago. Does that mean anything? I know I deserve better. Why don't I just move on?

Can anybody tell me if there are any cases here that have a mental illness involved? My wife really is full blown coo coo for cocoa puffs, I would really be interested in reading somebody elses story.

Why am I struggling so hard? I don't even fully know what I want. I love her, and I don't like her

Sounds perfectly normal, and yes, I went through years of stuff because my wife was crazy, or mentally ill,or at least emotionally unstable at best..

You can still love those people, also, because they are not completely evil, ...all of the time.

But it goes from loving who they could be, to what they once had the capacity to be, to a love lost, over time..

It will take time to adjust to all this, and as you read through the many stories you will find on this site, and study the concepts taught by Dr H, you will again have hope that someday...and you will understand...

But in time...that thing that we don't have it seems, until its forced upon us.


You sound like your gonna do just fine

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Thank you so much for the words of encouragement. Pretty much what my mother tells me, that I love a person that is very rarely there, if ever. Time is my enemy right now, I need to do constructive things to kill it.

Spun #2689246 12/08/12 01:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Spun
And could somebody tell me why I don't just beat some a$$ and move along with my life?


A former MB poster "Mike" did beat up the OM after the affair ended.
"Moving on" with his life was not as smooth as you may think. Mike did face criminal charges for his impulsive actions.

That's why.

Spun #2689262 12/08/12 03:33 PM
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Originally Posted by Spun
Hey all. I just want to say that I am really glad to have found this site. You all have "been there done that" and your advice has made a huge difference in my own progress.
I am supposed to meet and sign the papers tomorrow. I am willing. Jedi KNight your advice is what i'm going to be doing. Finish up with the exposing, then hide laugh

I am not going to beat anybody's a$$. As much as I would like to put posOM on his face somewhere, I know it's not anywhere worth it. I'm very much dumb, but I'm not stupid. If my wife cares about me so much to do what she is doing, it's not worth it. If my wife cares about me so much to allow posOM to interfere with our relationship, it's not worth it.

I feel so much better than I did a week ago. Does that mean anything? I know I deserve better. Why don't I just move on?

Can anybody tell me if there are any cases here that have a mental illness involved? My wife really is full blown coo coo for cocoa puffs, I would really be interested in reading somebody elses story.

Why am I struggling so hard? I don't even fully know what I want. I love her, and I don't like her

hi spun. i have just read your entire thread, and can see you're well into the rollercoaster ride. i just want to tell you this is normal. you will be on the ride for awhile, so take good care of yourself. when there's an up, expect a down to follow. the good news is this goes both ways. when you're feeling really crappy, an up will come.

do check around other people's threads for stories. often, they are linked into their signature lines at the bottom of their posts. your WS does not have a mental illness; she is deep into the "fog" that waywards seem to embrace once they embark the adultery flagship. she can come out of the fog, if you decide to try to recover the M and follow the programme to the letter. as several people have pointed out, recovery is long, painful, and very hard, so consider your options carefully. of course, she may choose to stay fogbound, and there's nothing you can do about that but protect yourself. you cannot control a wayward, as much as we'd all like to be able to!

keep posting - it'll help keep you sane during this horrible time.


fBW 49
xWH 55
DD 22
DDay 6/07
D 8/15
Letting Go
Letty #2689270 12/08/12 04:21 PM
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Thanks Pepper. I know the answers to both of those questions, but I do have to ask myself. There just is no "easy" way to deal with this.

Letty, I'm glad you made those points. Up down, up down. I am all over the map for sure. I have noticed that when I am keeping my mind busy, well, i'm keeping my mind busy and am on that even keel so to speak. That's where I want to be. I have done a lot of reading on other peoples stories, and it is very helpful in a way to know that we're all here for each other. I will start posting in others thread when I start to see myself on the right track.

My wife is VERY deep in the fog. My wife is mentally ill. What sort of mental illness remains to be diagnosed. Mental illness runs in her family, and she has shown over and over that something is definatly " not right " with how she handles herself. She has very poor coping skills to say the least. I just found out this morning that she spent 8 hours in the ER on Thursday. She had yet another meltdown. Once again, I could not help her. I was concerned very, very much when I heard, and it hurt me alot to know that I couldn't be there for her. Makes me sad.

As far as recovery goes......well, I'm nowhere near that right now, and she is way further from that. As much as I want that, I don't right now. We need to " get right " before WE can get right. A lot of work to be done

Spun #2689315 12/08/12 09:28 PM
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Originally Posted by Spun
Does everybody realize how easy this all seems after the fact?

I have absolutely no reason to make any attempt to try to reconcile with my wife besides the fact that I love her and care for her.

Does this make ANY sense?

I am seriously struggling HARD CORE.

Everybody close to me says the exact same thing.
"G - T - F - O"

But I love her

There is nothing wrong with wanting to recover your marriage.
I support you in that.

What I can not support is that you will not do a full blown all out exposure. You just sit here and cry instead of maning up and expose OM at work.

Change your sreen name from "spun" to "justspiningmy wheelsgoingnowhere" if you are not going to man up.

TheRoad #2689323 12/08/12 11:06 PM
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Originally Posted by TheRoad
There is nothing wrong with wanting to recover your marriage.
I support you in that.

What I can not support is that you will not do a full blown all out exposure. You just sit here and cry instead of maning up and expose OM at work.

Yes no matter what the future of your marriage is, full exposure is nessesary..even if you want to end it.

It really is the kind thing to do, and the loving thing also..

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wow, that didn't take as much as a full day. I was stunned by the wtf are you doing call from W today.

I wrote a mildly detailed e-mail late last night, trying to make a clear point of what I was trying to accomplish. Early this morning my coworker made a phone call to an insider at W's work and got all the important e-mail addresses I was after. HR director I spoke with the other day ( who may have discussed this with others before the e-mail ), vp of operations, her super and OM super. Sent right at 9 with the trusty smart phone.

W called early afternoon, I answered like a dummy. She flipped - her - lid on me. Says with hostility we are done, don't talk to me, don't call, don't text, don't show up at the house, nothing (basically continue what I'm doing ). Says she's thinking about a restraining order because now she is afraid of me because "i'm crazy". At the same time she tells me to get all of my "&$&^" out of the house this weekend ( told her I was busy this weekend ) and expect to be served soon.

Aparently she and OM got a talking to in the HR dept. W asked me what I was thinking by doing this and what I expected to happen by doing this. I replied "why ask a question you know the answer to?" She had nothing else to say about her HR office visit besides that she still has her job. I replied "why wouldn't you?"

Not sure what the future holds as of now or what to expect outside of some Ahole showing up to drop an envelope in my hand. I have to say that I feel pretty decent knowing that this dirty laundry has been aired. She went nuts on me after exposing to family and friends, but took it up a few notches today. She's pissed. She hoed her own road, and absolutely can not see it.

Now what? Hide?

Spun #2689752 12/10/12 10:00 PM
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Spun, all her venom and anger means you hit the bullseye, great job! Do not hide and do not make excuses. Stand tall and proud for standing up for your marriage. You wouldn't have been able to move forward without the exposure. And do not leave your home. She wants to act like a slut, then she leaves the marital home, not you.

~RQ

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PS she has no grounds for a restraining order, do not give it another second of your thought.

I was threatened with a restraining order by skank-ho (via my WH) after I exposed her to her family. I laughed at that. I knew better.

Last edited by Rocketqueen; 12/10/12 10:03 PM.
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You should carry a voice activated recorder with you, for your own safety...because you SHOULD NOT leave your home, and you can bet she'll try all kinds of crap to get you out.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Spun,

It depends on what you can handle.
If you can handle being treated like crap for 6 months, while kissing her [censored] in plan A then do that.

If you can't handle that then you could go into plan B and just leave your house.

Do you want to stay married? If so then plan A is your best option. I can tell you it is misery.

If you want to leave your marriage, and you have every right to do so, then I would suggest you just meet with an attorney and ask
Him for guidance regarding the house. And I would get away from her ASAP.

But your marriage can be saved and better than ever. This affair has to die a natural death and you would need to wait until it did.

Spun #2689795 12/10/12 11:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Spun
wow, that didn't take as much as a full day. I was stunned by the wtf are you doing call from W today.

I wrote a mildly detailed e-mail late last night, trying to make a clear point of what I was trying to accomplish. Early this morning my coworker made a phone call to an insider at W's work and got all the important e-mail addresses I was after. HR director I spoke with the other day ( who may have discussed this with others before the e-mail ), vp of operations, her super and OM super. Sent right at 9 with the trusty smart phone.

W called early afternoon, I answered like a dummy. She flipped - her - lid on me. Says with hostility we are done, don't talk to me, don't call, don't text, don't show up at the house, nothing (basically continue what I'm doing ). Says she's thinking about a restraining order because now she is afraid of me because "i'm crazy". At the same time she tells me to get all of my "&$&^" out of the house this weekend ( told her I was busy this weekend ) and expect to be served soon.

Aparently she and OM got a talking to in the HR dept. W asked me what I was thinking by doing this and what I expected to happen by doing this. I replied "why ask a question you know the answer to?" She had nothing else to say about her HR office visit besides that she still has her job. I replied "why wouldn't you?"

Not sure what the future holds as of now or what to expect outside of some Ahole showing up to drop an envelope in my hand. I have to say that I feel pretty decent knowing that this dirty laundry has been aired. She went nuts on me after exposing to family and friends, but took it up a few notches today. She's pissed. She hoed her own road, and absolutely can not see it.

Now what? Hide?

Good work. This shows how effective exposure is. The madder a WW gets the more effective the exposure was.

Did you do an exposure of OM and WW on FB?

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