How do I deal with a chronically underemployed and now unemployed husband? We met in college and he changed his major from finance to psychology which was a big mistake. Since then he has been stuck in a bunch of low paying social service type jobs (like $20 an hour jobs or less than 30k a year) but the problem is he likes to live the 'good life'. We live in a very expensive major city where 30k is near poverty.

Now he realizes this but can't find anything better. And even worse he was recently laid off, which wasn't too surprising because his employer was really sketchy and very cheap.

I feel bad for his career situation, but it's put a ton of strain on our marriage as I make a lot more than him. Even so, we are always living paycheck to paycheck, we have a child who has an expensive daycare bill, etc. We were in the process of buying a house when he was laid off so it caused a great deal of disappointment for me. Even then we could only afford fixer uppers with his income.

With my husband's background it's very likely that he may never have a high paying job or be the breadwinner. He has mentioned he'd like to have another child, but I've secretly felt like I will never have anymore kids with him due to his financial situation which is making me bitter.

How can we get through this?

We are reading marriage builders also, so I hope my husband will really take heed to the finances chapter.

Dr. Harley often recommends more training in a higher-paid profession when a husband is under-employed. Finance is a great background to have. Many wives are willing to support the H while he goes back to school as long as it's understood that it is a short-term solution.

The chapter on the need for Financial Support is very good. Dr. Harley has a unique budget worksheet from the workbook Five Steps to Romantic Love. Here is one from the website Financial Support

Do you and your H follow the POJA in the area of spending? You said he likes to live the "high life." Is this done with your knowledge and enthusiastic agreement?

You knew the kind of money he made when you married him, no? You said your childcare bill is very expensive...is there reason why he can't be a SAHD? Perhaps work for home or go back to school?

I think more training is a great idea, but it's so hard to get him to buy into because he hates school, plus he already has like $60k in student loans.

No I do not agree with living the high life. It's mainly that he likes to go out to eat and wants to spend on video games, which now that he is unemployed will have to stop.

Not really we married shortly after college which was probably a mistake, but we were both low paid at that time. He actually made slightly more than I did. Yes, I'm considered pulling her out of daycare which I know he is against.

Put down the chapter on Finances and pick up the one on the Policy of Joint Agreement. Read it twice. Can you see how you can use it here? You present the problem you have, he presents the problem he has and then the two of you troubleshoot for an outcome.

And no, telling him that video games will have to stop is not going to be one of the solutions you suggest. That is a little boy punishment not a big boy solution to a problem.

Yes, like livingwell suggested using POJA to find solutions that will work for you both. Since the area you live in is so costly would it be feasible for you to move to somewhere less expensive?