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I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I hope this is resolved for you soon. Incredible....


Me; W 46
Him; H 46

2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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Originally Posted by barbiecat
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I hope this is resolved for you soon. Incredible....
Me too. pray


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by Holyheart
Thanks. Let me add that the verdict wasn't a slam dunk. I live in a no fault state so WH tried to convince me and everyone else that it matters not what he did or does -- that the assets and debts will be split down the middle. Of course, I didn't listen to him.

And I did my due diligence with the credit card receipts and the things I found during my snooping. That is my No. 1 advise for BSs. Snoop, snoop, snoop. And save what you find for when you need it.

My No. 2 is early on -- when the WS is still being nice and saying he'll pay for the house and the kids -- GET IT IN WRITING. I did -- and I got it submitted into evidence during the trial. So even though I charged some things that WH questioned and felt I should pay -- the judge ruled that D!chk had to pay since he had said he would via the handwritten note I kept.

I know Plan B says to not care what they are doing. OK -- I tried not to care...but that didn't stop me from finding out how he was paying for the trips he was taking with Bimbo and how he was helping her with her business and her bills.

SchoolBus told me early on that D!ck did not want me investigating his finances. And -- truly -- I believe there is more to the story than what I know. That he has way, way more skeltons hidden in closets all over the place.

Today, that is not my concern. I can't go there or this will never end. I need some closure.

When you reference plan B I agree with your decision.
There is a major modification that must be made if a spouse is going to Plan B during divorce. Divorce is war. And you need as much intel as possible.
I don't see how it's possible to have a good divorce war without intel in plan B.
I actually Plan A all the way to divorce court. I wanted to Plan B but the court prohibited me from doing so.

Do you plan to Plan B post divorce?

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Originally Posted by Holyheart
This evil, soul-less, fool will not go down. In the 11th hour, he lawyered up AGAIN and filed objections to the judge's ruling. My attorney's office has yet to receive them so I do not know the extent of the objections.

If it's "I need more time to pay the lump sum" -- then OK. If it's "I failed to represent myself and want the whole trial redone" -- then CRAP.

The judge ruled. He had his day in court, as did I. We've been part of the judicial system for 3 years, 9 months. Again -- THE JUDGE RULED.

So as to not stress myself out, I will not dwell on it until I read the objections. I will continue to do what I'm suppose to be doing. And I will pray to the Holy Spirit that whatever D!ck has objected to can be easily remedied. Because I have to get this decided so I can get my finances in order. My mind and heart are in sync about D!ck. I am finished with him and our marriage. But his financial infidelity has been a doozy. I will be dealing with the consequences of that for a long, long time.

Oh -- I forgot -- part of the verdict was that he has to pay a portion of my attorney fees. I bet that was a bitter pill for him to swallow. Oh, well. It's time D!ck has to pay the piper.

Let go and let God. Give Him your worries.

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Its been 4 years of legal haggling and he's still not willing to end this. The judge ruled AGAIN that his decision is the ruling. And this week, my attorney FINALLY, after much prodding of his useless butt, filed the papers so the judge can sign and it will be final. Today, I hear that D!ck wants to APPEAL the judges ruling and drag this out further. But he's "willing" to let it go if he has to pay me NOTHING. Just the smaller support figure and NOTHING in terms of a settlement (which today stands at $75k in real money and $53K in 401K money).

Really? The JUDGE RULED. And he says he has a leg to stand on.

I really, really want to move on. And this bitterness and hassle is taking its toll on me.

Yes, I have had no contact with him until today. Our first voice conversation in nearly 2 years. And I have no reconcilliation plans and I'm over the "affair" stuff so talking with him left me with no emotional scars.

It's just the dollars and cents part. The finally dealing with the finances part. And he's still the bully. He's still causing undue pain with his threats.

I know, I know. Do not talk with him again. Let my worthless attorney deal with this. Yes, I will. I will. I just wanted to update you on the fact that some WS continue to be W for a long, long time. And the justifications and failure to accept responsibility and deal with the consequences contine. And D1ck looks to be the model for the guy who went off the deep end and wants to continue to drift instead of dealing with the results of his action.

And I'm good. I'm ready to move on. I know there is a great guy out there who wants to share his life with me and my children. And I know I will take these lessons learned into future relationships. I KNOW that I need to be more of a taker than a giver. That my giver is much too dominate. That its time for my taker to rise to the top and watch out for my heart and soul.


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Boy, when your H became WH, he really went off the deep end. This is serious pod-people territory!


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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I'm so sorry this hasn't ended yet. Just make you wonder, shake your head and pray it's over SOON for your own self. Hugs to you!!!


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
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Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
if a spouse is going to Plan B during divorce. Divorce is war. And you need as much intel as possible.
I don't see how it's possible to have a good divorce war without intel in plan B.


I've done it, its no biggie. Just as my IM told me only things that were relevant, filtering the wayward nonsense, so did my spies.

My spies kept his nonsense filtered but told me key things they had been instructed to tell me.

Plan B always let's some information in, it just has to be done in a controlled way.

Plus a woman couldn't Plan A for the length of time it takes court proceedings to go through. Women suffer if they Plan A for longer than a few weeks.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Originally Posted by Holyheart
I know, I know. Do not talk with him again. Let my worthless attorney deal with this.


Or get a better one?


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Thanks for your continued support, friends. I don't stop by often because it saddens me so much to see all the newer posters. That infidelity is still so rampant.

But I love the fact that people here care even when they don't post anymore. I think of you all. Karmarosa -- you were suppose to be driving that bus to my town. And dear Queenie -- I think your thread is the first post I made. It was around New Years many moons ago. I hope all is well with dear H and your children and grandkids.

I just want this over. Hard when he's full of such anger and rage. My ILs -- bless their souls -- are still my saviors. And the rest of my family and friends -- I am so very, very grateful for their support.

I would never wish this upon another soul. I saw that Believer posted that the infidelity was WORSE than the loss of her H. I believe that.

Onward soldiers in the fight for our families.

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Originally Posted by Holyheart
Thanks for your continued support, friends. I don't stop by often because it saddens me so much to see all the newer posters. That infidelity is still so rampant.

But I love the fact that people here care even when they don't post anymore. I think of you all. Karmarosa -- you were suppose to be driving that bus to my town. And dear Queenie -- I think your thread is the first post I made. It was around New Years many moons ago. I hope all is well with dear H and your children and grandkids.

I just want this over. Hard when he's full of such anger and rage. My ILs -- bless their souls -- are still my saviors. And the rest of my family and friends -- I am so very, very grateful for their support.

I would never wish this upon another soul. I saw that Believer posted that the infidelity was WORSE than the loss of her H. I believe that.

Onward soldiers in the fight for our families.
I really hope this latest hurdle of D!ck's doesn't last.

You've been through the ringer and deserve it to end. I hope it is very soon. hug


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Hi HH-

Good to hear from you, even if D!ck is still being a...well, you know. I wonder what would happen if your lawyer decided to sue for legal fees-considering that D!ck is dragging this thing out to absurd levels. Hmmm...just a thought.

As an IRF of Queenie, I can tell you that she is doing well. I will let her know that you updated here.

Hang in there!

JT


johnstwin-

"I may not know what the future holds, but I know who holds my future." -Martin Luther

Remarried my FXH 25 years to the day of our first M. God is so good-and sometimes so unexpected!

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Holyheart,

I am sorry this continues for you. This is crazy. Unfortunately the bullies are so hard to deal with. Only proof and witnesses can make a dent sometimes. It seems so unnatural that D!ck has focused so much on rage and hate. He got what he wanted, but cannot seem to let go until you have nothing. Very sad.

Wish you could have had a better attorney, hopefully it will be over before the attorney gets all your money that you are entitled to and worked very hard for these past four years for your family.

So happy your family and in-laws stand behind you, I am sure this is a comfort to you.

And yes, you need to give your giver a break.

I rarely post anymore, but I always keep an eye out for your posts. Just know that you are much loved and prayed for by a lot of us here.

God Bless and keep the faith!

Miss M


me: FBS
H: FWS
Fully recovered
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{{{{{{{{{{Holy}}}}}}}}}, I'll give an update in a little while. I keep trying to find you on FB, if you want maybe we can connect there and you can kinda see how life is for me. At least we can talk a little more too!


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Hey JT!!! I sure miss you gal. Thanks for the head's up. I love you!!!!


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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smile


johnstwin-

"I may not know what the future holds, but I know who holds my future." -Martin Luther

Remarried my FXH 25 years to the day of our first M. God is so good-and sometimes so unexpected!

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Back at cha girlie kiss

Last edited by QueeniesAdventures; 12/16/12 09:22 PM.

BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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It seems like in some twisted way he wants to stay in your life...

...even if that means breaking you.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Originally Posted by Holyheart
Its been 4 years of legal haggling and he's still not willing to end this. The judge ruled AGAIN that his decision is the ruling. And this week, my attorney FINALLY, after much prodding of his useless butt, filed the papers so the judge can sign and it will be final. Today, I hear that D!ck wants to APPEAL the judges ruling and drag this out further. But he's "willing" to let it go if he has to pay me NOTHING. Just the smaller support figure and NOTHING in terms of a settlement (which today stands at $75k in real money and $53K in 401K money).

Really? The JUDGE RULED. And he says he has a leg to stand on.

Get it final. Until your D is final, there is no D to appeal. The ability to appeal a decision is usually statutory. Even if you agreed to WH's terms, I am pretty sure he could still appeal anything he wants anyway. Let WH huff and puff. If WH wants to spend more time and money appealing junk, you should be able to recover attorney fees and he would bare the court costs. If your attorney is worthless, you can check out the legal process (and associated costs) with the court staff or check the info online.

Sorry you have to deal with all this. Glad to hear you are good despite the crappy legal stuff.



BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Happy New Year's to Everyone.

Still not D yet...waiting for the judge to sign. I was hoping to start 2013 without the burden of D!ck, but that's OK. It will happen soon enough. And I'm going to re-fi the house so the kids and I will be able to stay put. Even though they are in college, they still need a home...and this is the only house they've ever lived in.

So prayers for all of you. Please, please don't give up on your families. Continue to put them first in the war against infidelity. And stay strong. Like one of the first posts I received, put on your hiking boots because this is a marathon, not a sprint.

I've been at this for 5 long years. Four years of legal battles since D!ck -- by his own admission-- supported two families.

Again, I wouldn't wish this on anyone because this hell has become a part of my daily life. I look forward to the day that I can say that this all happened years and years ago.

Until then, I will trudge forward, stay in the game, and continue to have a courageous heart and holy patience.

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