I just don't know what to do...2nd affair he has left me for in 25 year marriage. Now wants to reconcile.

Is your husband still drinking?

AM

says alot less

Actually, he needs a new flop house. He has no interest in reconciling. I would file for divorce and go into plan b.

Agree. Do not reconcile while he still drinks.

AM

Pepperbsnds translation is on point, I know, I have been there, minus the cheating part... A lot less means, limit to 2 beers around the guys,KILL the bottle in private.

Are you going to go into Plan B?

MelodyLane-
Being that you are recovered 10 years why would youmake such a statement?

where do i get this plan b

Because it is true. I am recovering alcoholic with 28 years of sobriety so I know your husband's game. There is a huge difference between my husband and yours. Yours is an alcoholic which makes recovery impossible. You can't have a marriage with an active alcoholic because his first love is alcohol. An alcoholic only keeps a spouse around in order to use them. That is all your husband wants. He needs a new flop house until something better comes along.

How to Plan B Correctly

Have you read my story?
My H admitted to being an alcoholic right after D day.
He told me he would quit.
Before that, he had claimed: "I will cut back on my drinking" .... several times. It's what alcoholics say when they are having life problems but cannot face the music of sobriety.

I told my H that I was happy he would stop drinking, but it was not good enough for me. I said that unless he joined AA, went to meetings and kept going to meetings, I would no longer remain married to him.

It was powerful incentive. I was serious. I was not blustering. I was not afraid to be alone. I was not afraid he would never come back. Why?

Because I knew I was in competition with alcohol more than I was in a competition with OW. If H loved Miss Alcohol more than he loved being my husband, then so be it.

17 years later ........ He's sober. He goes to meetings. He is a speaker at meetings. He has a lot of male AA friends to support his sobriety. He has proper boundaries. He adores me. He has empathy and is honest. He is a reformed man.

Got it now?

LINK to abbreviation of Pepperband story

Ok..So...Met with my spouses counselor and he Friday. He has been intherapy for 5 of the 8 mths he has been gone. Has not drank since January 1...BUT still living with other woman...more to story...any comments

Is he in AA?

Are you in AlAnon?

Yep

Since he hasn't ended his affair. When will you be going into Plan B?

I am hearing that he wants to end it but its a place to rest his head until I calm down where he can talk to me and see if theres anything to build with...LOST!

That's why you write him a Plan B letter with your conditions and the path home.

Concentrate on getting into Plan B.

Write your Plan B letter and post it here.

Do you have an IM?