R and I were married for 14 years. He's my soulmate.
He has not been your husband for 15 years. You are not 'soulmate schmoopies'.
He says I'm his as well.
That's because he is trying to use you as an escape relationship.
The first 12 were wonderful. Then an affair with a women 15 or so years his junior. That didn't last long. He moved out. I fought, cussed, screamed for my marriage. He came home. We did well for about a year. His job changed and he went over the road trucking. Yikes! Another affair, he said he loved her. I virtually said there's the door. I didn't have any fight left in me. I was tired raising the kids and now another affair. I have regretted many times that I didn't fight.
I understand you have regrets. That is no reason to turn a blind eye today.
Here we are today, 15 years later. His marriage to the 2nd woman has not been a good marriage.
The state of their marriage is none of your business.
Never really has been.
None of your business. He's a passive person and will put up with lots of stuff before he even says anything not to mention doing anything about it.
He has no relationship skills. He won't have any with you.
In the beginning after he left, we remained friends even while he was married to S. That is until she found out, then we had to quite communicating.
Their marriage is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Why the hell are you sticking your nose into their marriage? I have missed my best friend terribly over the years.
You're lonely, I get it.Of course, I used words to attempt to sound like I was happier without him.
In other words, you have a history of pretending things are true when they are clearly false. I dated for awhile in the beginning. No one makes me as happy as he does.
That does not give you license to stick your nose into another person's marriage.
Over the years the children would keep us both updated on the other's life. I often told my daughter to pass on my number should he ever ask for it.
Shame on you for encouraging your daughter to assist you in sticking your nose in another person's marriage.
And about 6-8 months ago my daughter mention that Dad wants to talk, she told him that my life was good and she didn't want him messing that up. She didn't give my number at that time, as she wanted to make sure I wanted it.
Your daughter has more sense than you do.
After about 4 months of thinking and wanting to contact him, we finally connected via FaceBook. We spoke many times via the internet and finally the telephone.
Was his wife aware he was doing this? If he was sneaking around behind her back, shame on you!
I went into the conversations wanting my friend back and dreaming it could be more.
You are really skilled at pretending things, while avoiding reality.We talk each day, many hours.
Behind his wife's back. Shame on both of you.He came and visited for an extended weekend.
Behind his wife's back? Shame on you. Things seem so right between us.
You are both hiding & lying, of course this feels "right" to a woman who lives in her fantasy-land. I feel I can believe him and trust him in everything besides the infidelity.
Fantasy-land sparkles and bubbles everywhere in your world. 
I hope that trust comes in time.
Trust? He's lying to his wife and cheating .... again. It seems that 12 years is his itch.
What an asinine comment. Are you suggesting his infidelity follows a timeline of every 12 years???? 
I am sure the next 12 year mark will be hard to get through.
Oh ..... brother! 
He is not divorced.
Also know as, he is a married man cheating on his wife.He is with a vendictive woman and is trying to get his items out of the house before she breaks everything he owns.
His wife, his marriage, their problems are NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.He hopes to have the divorce finished and be able to move back home by October this year.
Life is all bubbles/sparkles and rainbow unicorns in your make-believe world.
I would love for him to be here by then.
Really? Hoping for another person's marriage to end so you can fulfill your rainbow ending? You think so?Here's my problem.
Our daughter is cautious as expected. Our son is down right upset with me for not seeing the light.
Thank God for smart children!The light being that I will just get hurt again.
You are volunteering to be an adulteress and re-hook up to a known cheat. What could go wrong? 
He won't come to any event that he knows his Dad will be at, he doesn't want to see his Dad.
Smart kid. He tells me he knows in time he will open up to the idea but it will be in his time not his Dads.
I hope your son takes his sweet time.
His Dad wasn't around for him when he needed him and my son is full of revenge.
Your son is NOT "full of revenge". Your son was betrayed and abandoned and he has every reason to not trust a man who is (as we write this) still CHEATING & STILL LYING in order to get what he wants (at the time).
My son is 27. His Dad left when he was 12.
What a piece of garbage your ex-husband is. "My soulmate" ... 
my butt.R and I did sleep in the same bed.
Of course you did. You have no moral objection to being "the other woman" yourself. There is no intimacy between us at this time.
This is a flat out lie. 
Intimacy is more than intercourse. You like to paint a pretty picture.
I am not sure when I will allow that back. I want it. I am scared.
You should be morally outraged. Why aren't you? Oh yeah, you are not "the other woman".I really want R in my life. I'd like to be his wife again. I'd like our adult kids and us to enjoy what future we have together.
Just like a fairy tail 
ending to your current position as "the other woman". Whipped cream and a cherry on the top of your adultery? Yes, please.R has apoligized for eveything I could every think of and some I never even felt an apology was needed. He has matured a lot over the years.
He's still a lying cheat who abandoned his children. Nice guy tho. 
I feel I can trust him and then there is that ping of non-trust.
You should not trust yourself. You are thinking like a 12 year old girl with a teen-age crush. 
I had a listing of things he'd have to do -to get back into my life. R has not seen this listing. He is doing things on my list by himself.
He is a dishonest cheating liar. How is he going to fix that by carrying on his adulterous romance with you? I am very happy these days except when I have a conversation about this with my son. Today he told me, he would not show up where he knew his Dad would be. He doesn't want to see him as of yet.
Are you going to abandon your son if he does not pretend that this adulterous relationship is a good thing?
I guess I'd like some input on 1) my son and how to deal with him
Apologize to him for your stupid adulterous relationship. and 2) can this remarriage work or am I dreaming?
You are so far in la-la-land you are practically invisible as a morally intact grown woman.Thank you for reading and any input.
My pleasure. You're welcome.
