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#2727392 05/14/13 10:17 PM
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I replied to the Exposure thread, but it's from 2011 so I don't know if anyone will reply so I'm posting this here too.

Hello,I haven't told my story yet, but will soon. I'm new at marriage builders so I am just now reading about exposure. My husband left me over 7 months ago for a woman that he was having an affair with for over a year before he left. Is it ever too late to expose? Should I inform his affair partner's friends and family even though they know him, but may not know how the two of them got together? Will this just cause me more harm or will it help? I feel like at this point I really do not have much to lose since he has been gone so long.

I would like to send out private messages to her family and friends on Facebook, but I'm worried I will look like a crazy person who is desperate and just can't let go of her husband. Also what do you think about me putting a picture of them two together and running it through my Facebook feed for all of my friends and his mutual family and friends to see? I can post a message above it for all to see. Will I look desperate and will people feel sorry for me? Need some good advice. Thank you.

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Originally Posted by Barbie631
I replied to the Exposure thread, but it's from 2011 so I don't know if anyone will reply so I'm posting this here too.

Hello,I haven't told my story yet, but will soon. I'm new at marriage builders so I am just now reading about exposure. My husband left me over 7 months ago for a woman that he was having an affair with for over a year before he left. Is it ever too late to expose? Should I inform his affair partner's friends and family even though they know him, but may not know how the two of them got together? Will this just cause me more harm or will it help? I feel like at this point I really do not have much to lose since he has been gone so long.

I would like to send out private messages to her family and friends on Facebook, but I'm worried I will look like a crazy person who is desperate and just can't let go of her husband. Also what do you think about me putting a picture of them two together and running it through my Facebook feed for all of my friends and his mutual family and friends to see? I can post a message above it for all to see. Will I look desperate and will people feel sorry for me? Need some good advice. Thank you.
Welcome to MB and sorry for your pain.

Have you read these? Start Here First-Welcome Aboard


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Barbie,

Do the cops not bust a bank robber when they crack the case one year later? You might forget a bank that that was robbed down the block a year ago, but no one forgets infidelity even if it was 25 years ago.

Yes expose suddenly, massively and without warning or threats.

God Bless
Gamma

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HI Gamma,
How do I keep from looking pathetic and needy though?

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Your fighting for your marriage... What's pathetic and needed about that? Stop worrying about how you will look. If you want to save the marriage, put it in front of how you might look to others, including WS.


Me - BH 49 years old
Her - WW 43 years old
Married 20 years
D Day Jan 7, 2013
3 kids - DS19, DS17, DS12
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Originally Posted by Barbie631
HI Gamma,
How do I keep from looking pathetic and needy though?
When you follow the Plan you won't look pathetic. If you follow the templates in the exposure thread you will look like you have boundaries and that's not pathetic.

Also, Dr. Harley says it doesn't matter how long in the past an affair may occur, it should always be exposed.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Barbie,

You wrote, HI Gamma, How do I keep from looking pathetic and needy though?

By not being pathetic, but rather doing it because you have the moral conviction that Adultery is wrong, and it becomes even more wrong when good persons say nothing. By saying nothing you are supporting the affair. Not to mention that many, at least those with morals, will respect you for what you have done.

Expose the OW first, you already know who to expose to on WHs side and can do them as a second pass. But be sure to do your homework and research the OWs contact completely.

Is WH still married to you? Do you have children?

If so word the exposure letter to put emphasis on the fact that OW committed ADULTERY with childs names daddy. All you have to do is state the facts no calling names.

When people who are bullied, abused or have personal issues come forth and speak out they are more likely to be viewed as brave. At the very least it will be liberate you from having to keep silent.

God Bless
Gamma

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Before I even read this reply I did it. I sent a letter to all of the OW contacts as a private message on FB. However, the messages are sent to the "other folder" instead of the inbox so I don't know when they will see it since it doesn't notify them with a red flag in the top left corner of FB when they have a message. Facebook wanted me to pay a $1.00 for each one that I wanted delivered to the actual inbox instead of the other folder. I discovered the other folder by accident a few weeks ago and it had tons of messages in it that were a year or more older. Is there another method to use to ensure they are notified?

Also, I forgot to say that before I sent the exposure letter I created another Facebook account in my name with no friends in it. I used that account to send the exposure letter. I put a picture of the two of them as my Facebook cover and also the two of them as my profile picture. LOL

Imagine the look on the people I notified when they read the letter and clicked on the profile picture to see my account.

Last edited by Barbie631; 05/16/13 09:24 AM.
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Originally Posted by Barbie631
Before I even read this reply I did it. I sent a letter to all of the OW contacts as a private message on FB. However, the messages are sent to the "other folder" instead of the inbox so I don't know when they will see it since it doesn't notify them with a red flag in the top left corner of FB when they have a message. Facebook wanted me to pay a $1.00 for each one that I wanted delivered to the actual inbox instead of the other folder. I discovered the other folder by accident a few weeks ago and it had tons of messages in it that were a year or more older. Is there another method to use to ensure they are notified?

Yes, pay the $1 so it goes to their inboz. They will never see things sent to their spam box.

Quote
Also, I forgot to say that before I sent the exposure letter I created another Facebook account in my name with no friends in it. I used that account to send the exposure letter. I put a picture of the two of them as my Facebook cover and also the two of them as my profile picture. LOL

My suggestion would be to change your profile pic to one of you and hubby and then post the pic of the two of them on your facebook page, leaving it open so they can see it.

Imagine the look on the people I notified when they read the letter and clicked on the profile picture to see my account. [/quote]


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Melody Lane,
How long were you and your Husband separated before you got back together. Where can I read your story?

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Originally Posted by Barbie631
Melody Lane,
How long were you and your Husband separated before you got back together. Where can I read your story?

We were never separated. You can go back and read my old posts by clicking on my name and then "view posts."


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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You can go back and read my old posts...

Uhhhh, all 70,000? I think we need a "Cliff's Notes" abridgment!

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Gamma,
I exposed the affair to many people in her contact list. I don't have any children, but I created a FB page and put my picture and his picture in the profile and also on the big Facebook cover. That way when the people in the contact list see it, they can click on my profile that will lead them to the page with our pictures.

Most of the people where people she new in another state and in the area. At this point I don't care who knows since many of them will talk about it. Her family seems kind of trashy so I don't there is anyone there who will try and convince her how wrong this is and break them up. I'm hoping some of her friends will.

Anyway, she had the nerve to retaliate and put some quote as her profile about relationships to justify their affair. My husband even clicked on "Like." That's so unbelievable to me. I don't even recognize him anymore.

What are your thoughts?

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Thank you.

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Originally Posted by Barbie631
Gamma,
I exposed the affair to many people in her contact list. I don't have any children, but I created a FB page and put my picture and his picture in the profile and also on the big Facebook cover. That way when the people in the contact list see it, they can click on my profile that will lead them to the page with our pictures.

Most of the people where people she new in another state and in the area. At this point I don't care who knows since many of them will talk about it. Her family seems kind of trashy so I don't there is anyone there who will try and convince her how wrong this is and break them up. I'm hoping some of her friends will.

Anyway, she had the nerve to retaliate and put some quote as her profile about relationships to justify their affair. My husband even clicked on "Like." That's so unbelievable to me. I don't even recognize him anymore.

What are your thoughts?
This is typical Wayward fogbabble. They are trying to justify their affair. Don't listen.

Did you expose to her parents?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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No, I didn't expose it to her Mom. I don't know where her Dad is or who he is. Her Mom looks like the type that wouldn't be phased by it all. She looks like white trash so I didn't even bother. I regret it, but it's too late now.

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Hello,
I have made a few comments here and there in this forum, but I haven't posted my story yet. My husband left me for another woman 8 months ago and I am just as depressed as I was when it first happened. I am very unhappy. I take meds, but they don't work. I have tried to move on, but I'm so unhappy and miserable, especially on the weekends. The weekends are the abosolute worst.

Anyway, my husband and I were married 18 years and were together 21 years. 8 months ago he told me he lost his connection to me and didn't know if he would ever get it back. He said I began neglecting him because I was stressed out over the business. Basically, he said it was a combination of everything. We are in debt and our businss started failing about 4 years ago (after the banking crisis). I basically let stress take over my life. We did lose our intimacy so most of what he said is true. However, a month after he left I finally got him to admit that he was seeing someone. He said he had been seeing another a woman he used to know in highschool for a little over a year and she was showing signs of ending it with him because he was still with me. I guess that's why he decided to leave because he didn't want to lose her. He said she makes him happy and they click. They have things in common. When he told me who she was I went to her Facebook page and she had something on it about him being her "soulmate." Ugh.

The shocker is that this woman used to be the highschool s*ut and also lived in his old neighborhood when he was a kid. He and his buddies used to make fun of her because she slept with so many guys. Imagine my shock when I found out he left me for her? His friends think he has lost his ever loving mind. I have no self esteem left. When I go out in this small community I feel like everyone is looking at me and I worry I will run into to the two of them.

I have never felt so low about myself. At one point back in late December I got so upset that I sent her a private message telling her how her and my husband should be ashamed of themselves and that she is taking part in destroying a marriage and another person. She had no guilt whatsover. She then wrote back and told me she wasn't the first woman he slept with in our marraige. I did know about a fling he had 12 years ago, but he said he never slept with her and that it was a brief EA affair (which I really don't believe). However, when I confronted him about what she said, he said yes, he had slept with someone a few times about 5 years ago. He blamed it on me because he said I wasn't given him enough sex. I will admit that our sex life wasn't that good for the last 6 years or so, but I still don't think he should have left me this way. He should have talked to me when we both were calm and not arguing. But instead he has an affair and then leaves me. I have never, ever felt anguish like this before. I sometimes feel like I want to die.

My problem now is that about 2 months ago I found out from MB that you are supposed to expose the affair immediately after discovery. However, I didn't know that until I stumbled onto this site a few months ago. Once I learned of this through this site, I did send an exposure letter to about 30 of her Facebook friends and family, but of course this was about 6 months after discovery so it's wasn't immediate. Is it too late and are they too entrenched into the affair now since this summer will be 2 years they have been together? Remember, I said he told me they had been seeing each other a little over a year before he left me and he left me 8 months ago. By my calculations that means they will have been having the affair for almost two years this summer.

He said he wanted a divorce and hasn't changed his mind since he left. However, he contacts me all the time during the week and before the last 2 months (before I went into Plan B) was coming by the house once a week to see me. Anywyay, before I discoverd plan A and B stuff, I broke down and cried and tried to get him back. Right now I am in Plan B and have been for 2 months. An incident happened (too long to tell about it), that made me go into plan B. He tries to have friendly chit chat with me through e-mails, but I only stick to business through e-mails only. We have to have contact right now because we have a business together. I guess you could say we are in minimal contact. I really need some good advice from people on this site. Thank you so much.

P.S. We have no children.

Also, is there a thread on this MB forum just for spouses who have been left for the OP? I see a lot dicussion on this site about affairs, but the spouse hasn't left the other spouse for the other person.

Barbie

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Welcome Barbie.

So sorry for your pain.

A couple of things. Good job on exposing the OW, but besides her friends did you expose to her parents?

Also who did you expose to on your WH's side? Did you expose to your children? How about his parents and siblings? Who on your side?

Also, sorry but you aren't in Plan B. Plan B is never to have communication with your WH except through an IM. Who is your IM?

Last, what self-care are you doing? Eating, sleeping, working out?

Please read all links in here. How to Plan B Correctly


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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I have to have minimal contact while we work on getting my name off the business. There isn't a way around it. I don't know who her parents are. Her Mom looks like a low life and I have been told that woman doesn't have any moral either. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree I guess. It would be a waste of time to tell her.

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Originally Posted by Barbie631
I have to have minimal contact while we work on getting my name off the business. There isn't a way around it. I don't know who her parents are. Her Mom looks like a low life and I have been told that woman doesn't have any moral either. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree I guess. It would be a waste of time to tell her.
You don't know how people will respond.

Does she have her mom as a contact on Facebook? What about her dad?

Who have you exposed to on WH's side? Your kids? Your family?

You can have all business information sent through an IM. You keep that door open then he will continue to have 2 women meeting his needs.

This is why you're still depressed because you're still having contact with him.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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