"Thanks for your thoughts, WW. I know you can take care of yourself but I have to admit it pains me to see you with someone who treats women so badly. Just know I am here for you if you need a hand. All my love, OJ"

Do not respond to her.

She is rationalizing to her fullest potential here.

Notice that rather than saying she wants to work on the area of the relationship that needs repair, she blames you for your shortcomings and accepts no responsibility for how own immoral actions. A troubled marriage is a problem that needs to be solved not an excuse to commit adultery. If this is truly her outlook she will encounter many failed relationships and marriages along the way. The fog notwithstanding, your WW isn't suitable for marriage. She is somewhere between a freeloader and a renter.

These kinds of correspondences are going to deplete your LB fast. And, OJ, that is one reason why I said to pace out your communications and focus just on making deposits.

Part of being in Plan A is not engaging in arguments and debates. You can do it till you're blue in the face and all you will do is make withdrawals from her LB and yours. You need to step back and make deposits when you can as ML said. Control the impulse to educate her and argue with her.

She is so obsessed with the idea that because she didn't sleep with the guy until the DAY she told me she was leaving that it wasn't an affair. I have still not told her that I know she has been emotionally involved with this guy since February. Should I convey that information somehow sometime?

Don't even go there! Don't argue with fogbabble. Just respond with my polite post above. It plants some seeds about that LOSER and expresses your care. When things start falling apart, she will remember your kind words.

Ditto

Melody. I sent that reply and she replied:

Treat his wife so badly? Because he cheated? Yeah, that sucks, would you say I treated you badly based on one incident? Would you define our entire relationship with this one event? Is that all you are going off of?

Yes...go with Melody's Advice. She just spent all afternoon focused on responding to you and presuming she could score logic points to you. She's obviously more invested in you and your thoughts than you thought.

Time to back off a couple days. Didn't a certified exposure letter happen at OM's workplace today?

Yes Mr.W. They should be there by now.

Dang....probably a bad idea to respond. I'm in too far now to be objective.


I'd love to send her that letter somewhere on MB about how OM isn't better and what he does with you he'll do to you but perhaps just saying:

1. "YES"

2. "yes, being betrayed by the one person in the world you have committed your life to is a pain I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy"

3. "What he does with you...he'll do to you [unless you do it to him first since neither of you take commitments very seriously] and you can't be serious minimizing the pain of betrayal by the one person that is supposed to love and care for you the most for life as just one random incident. The woman I fell in love with and married nearly 10 years ago would have never been so cruel and callous. This is another reason we can't remain in contact...adultery has made you a mean hateful person. You don't wear it well. You remain stunning on the outside but I hardly recongnize you anymore. It's just sad.

I used your first reply.

not smart. we need to back off while you regain YOUR life and composure.

Go work out or something. Step away from the computer. Trust me...when you go quiet they will be going nuts wondering what you are up to (when all you are doing is focusing on yourself).

YOU MATTER.

YOU WILL MAKE IT.

After I said yes, this is her reply:

Ok.. Well it's nice to know that you feel that way

DO NOT REPLY.
STOP ARGUING WITH HER.

Indeed. You must rise above the fog so to speak.

Okay, I am done. So stressful trying to do the right thing!

Exactly...we want THEM stressed out, not you. You hit and run...taking care of yourself in the meantime.

Well, they would have received the letters by now. No WTF texts from WS yet, so if he gets fired it won't be today.

Sigh.. WS sent me a text this morning telling me I was bi-polar (referring to the stick/carrot of plan A). Telling me to make up my mind if I love her or not. That one minute I love her, and the next I want to screw her over by adding adultery to the divorce papers.

Reminds me of that fight club scene where Marla tells Tyler:

"You love me, you hate me. You show me your sensitive side, then you turn into a total a***ole. Is that a pretty accurate description of our relationship, Tyler?"

Don't even bother responding. It is an attempt to guilt you into rolling over. That is wayward "logic" at its best!

Well she told me to stop sending her "inappropriate" texts like "Hope you're having a good day" type of texts.

I told her I will always be kind to the people I love. That's when she called me bi-polar.