Hee, hee, hee, hee!

Maybe we need to be smudged too if it does that for you. If its forbidden fruit must be the apple. My daughter said she would put it on our menu for next week. Defrosted the bacon no micorwave hmmmmmm wonder how she did that. All sorts of pictures come tomine. You don't suppose......naaaa never mind. I like PT for short.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Ew!!! - SDS the pictures that you brought to my warped mind .......LOL!!!<P>You're getting baaaaaddd!!!!<P>I like it!!!<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba

Must be that second glass of wine. I think I better stop, drinking that is. But I know all the pictures that popped into my head.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

HI,<BR> I had to put a man's perspective in. Frankly, pop Tarts and Previously frozen bacon is VERY EROTIC to a man. <P> <BR>Sorry, couldn't resist! <BR> Let's PRAY this LUNE doesn't "BOIL A RABBIT NEXT!!! GET IT????? <BR> <BR> WHAT COMPETITION? FRANK<P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom is why!!"<P>

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!<P>EROTIC? Oh, PH you are tooooo funny!!<P>LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!<BR>HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!<P>Shush about the rabbit...or we'll be hearing about rabbit soup and malomars!!<P>LLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!<BR>HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahaha!!<P>

Oh....my.....god......HEEHEEHAHAHAHAHAH HOHOHOHOHOHOHO HAHAHAHEHEHEHEE. There was no END to the fun of this post!!!! Matter of fact, ahem..I'm still scrolling....you know when something's REALLY funny and you accidentally add that snort sound? Oops.<P>POP'S TART!!!! I vote YES to the new name!!!! <P>And one of our esteemed friends, I can't REMEMBER who through all these PAGES (heehee) suggested it's time to start calling H at PT's house. I second that motion. Matter of fact, no matter who answers. Say, quickly, and right on top of the "hello?"------"HONEY? I was just think--oh, sorry....is H there?" I'll bet the mail idea at both places will accomplish a lot too...and better! A little enticement in mail to MIL's..."I forwarded something very special to you at PT's, couldn't wait for you to see it...." He'll not be too cozy about her destroying mail then!<P>The final WEIRD WEIRD WEIRD thought I just had--did I think about NOT saying it? Sure...but you know I will anyway. You COULD always tell H that although it's a highly unusual situation, you UNDERSTAND his feelings of protectiveness for PT...heck, you do TOO, let's just move the whole kit-n-kaboodle to YOUR house!!!! (Or, put MIL up to MENTIONING to PT that you suggested that to H and he was considering. Imagine the feathers!--fluttering down to stick on the poptarts a la bacon drippings that she will serve as an appetizer.)<P>You're doing great, Lori. Hang on to that sense of humor!<BR>

Ok, someone had to go and mention Martha Stewart! NOW, I have to post this....<BR>Dear Santa,<P>I rarely ask for much. This year is no exception. I don't need diamond earrings, handy slicer-dicers or comfy slippers. I only want one little thing, and I want it deeply.<P><B>I want to slap Martha Stewart.</B><P>Now, hear me out, Santa. I won't scar her or draw blood or anything. Just one good smack, right across her smug little cheek. I get all cozy inside just thinking about it.<P>Don't grant this wish just for me, do it for thousands of women across the country. Through sheer vicarious satisfaction, you'll be giving a gift to us all. Those of us leading average, garden variety lives aren't concerned with gracious living. We feel pretty good about ourselves if our paper plates match when we stack them on the counter, buffet-style for dinner.<P>We're tired of Martha showing us how to make centerpieces from hollyhock dipped in 18 carat gold. We're plumb out of liquid gold. Unless it's of the furniture polish variety.<P>We can't whip up Martha's creamy holiday sauce, spiced with turmeric. Most of us can't even say turmeric, let alone figure out what to do with it.<P>OK, Santa, maybe you think I'm being a little harsh. But I'll bet with all the holiday rush you didn't catch that interview with Martha in last week's USA Weekend. I'm surprised there was enough room on the page for her ego.<P>We discovered that not only does Martha avoid take-out pizza (she's only ordered it once), she refuses to eat it cold (No cold pizza? Is Martha Stewart Living?) When it was pointed out that she could microwave it, she replied, "I don't have a microwave."<P>The reporter, Jeffrey Zaslow, noted that she said this "in a tone that suggests you shouldn't either." Well lah-dee-dah. Imagine that, Santa! That lovely microwave you brought me years ago, in which I've learned to make complicated dishes like popcorn and hot chocolate, has been declared undesirable by Queen Martha. What next? The coffee maker?<P>In the article, we learned that Martha has 40 sets of dishes adorning an entire wall in her home. Forty sets. Can you spell "overkill"? And neatly put away, no less. If my dishes make it to the dishwasher, that qualifies as "put away" in my house!<P> Martha tells us she's already making homemade holiday gifts for friends. "Last year, I made amazing silk-lined scarves for everyone," she boasts. Not just scarves, mind you. Amazing scarves. Martha's obviously not shy about giving herself a little pat on the back. In fact, she does so with such frequency that one has to wonder if her back is black and blue.<P>She goes on to tell us that "homemaking is glamour for the 90s", and says her most glamorous friends are "interested in stain removal, how to iron a monogram, and how to fold a towel." I have one piece of advice, Martha: "Get new friends."<P>Glamorous friends fly to Paris on a whim. They drift past the Greek Islands on yachts, sipping champagne from crystal goblets. They step out for the evening in shimmering satin gowns, whisked away by tuxedoed chauffeurs. They do not spend their days pondering the finer art of toilet bowl sanitation.<P>Zaslow notes that Martha was named one of America's 25 most influential people by Time magazine (nosing out Mother Theresa, Madeline Albright and Maya Angelou, no doubt).<P>The proof of Martha's influence: after she bought white-fleshed peaches in the supermarket, Martha says, "People saw me buy them. In an instant, they were all gone." I hope Martha never decides to jump off a bridge.<P>A guest in Martha's home told Zaslow how Martha gets up early to rollerblade with her dogs to pick fresh wild blackberries for breakfast. This confirms what I've suspected about Martha all along: She's obviously got too much time on her hands. Teaching the dogs to rollerblade. What a show off.<P>If you think the dogs are spoiled, listen to how Martha treats her friends: She gave one friend all 272 books from the Knopf Everyman Library. It didn't cost much. Pocket change, really. Just $5,000. But what price friendship, right?<P> When asked if others should envy her, Martha replies, "Don't envy me. I'm doing this because I'm a natural teacher. You shouldn't envy teachers. You should listen to them." Zaslow must have slit a seam in Martha's ego at this point, because once the hot air came hissing out, it couldn't be held back.<P>"Being an overachiever is nothing despicable. It is only admirable. Never lower your standards," says Martha. And of her Web Page on the Internet, Martha declares herself an "important presence" as she graciously helps people organize their sad, tacky little lives.<P>There you have it, Santa. If there was ever someone who deserved a good smack, it's Martha Stewart. But I bet I won't get my gift this year. You probably want to smack her yourself.<P>Mrs. Everybody<P><BR>LOL.... LMBO! <BR>B<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>

I hope you were kidding about the pop tarts & bacon YUCK!!<P>Poor thing - did it upset her that he was with you. GOOD!! <P>Sounds like you have a supportive MIL - believe me you are lucky.<P> magoskid

OK, one more time (I keep getting wiped out!)<P>Sheba - sent his presents by BIL. They're having a party tomorrow for him and his sister (I wanna gooooooo - whine)<P>Don't know about going to B's. They used to be close, but 3 months ago, he hated him. 'Course he hated me too. <P>Keep praying for him. God ain't done w/ him yet!!<P>Ani - my sentiments exactly.

SDS - OOOHHHH those pictures. I'm getting as bad as you and Sheba!! I'm sorta getting used to PT, too.<P>Frank - erotic??? You mean I've been doing it wrong all these years??? "Boil a rabbit"!!! too much! Yep, this is serious competition - now I'm getting a complex!!!

Snorting Lucks - I think I will at least start sending cards there. Maybe I'll call if I need to. We'll see. <P>At first your image of me, D, H, and PT all here gave me shudders, but I giggled when I read the rest. Told you this would give you something to think about!!!<P>Butterfly - I LOVE that MS post!!! Printing that one off!!!<P>Mag - not kidding, not at all. No wonder he's been sick for 3 months, huh? Wish me luck here. And yes, my MIL is wonderful - and such a pip!!<P>Have a good weekend guys.<P>Lori

Alright, enough already. You guys are really starting to scare me Do you really want me to have to eat pop tarts and bacon for dinner toinght You're giving hopeful too many ideas. Stop

Why ES, we were hoping Hopeful would read this and prepare a special meal for you!!!<P>Lori

Y'know, reading these posts is really entertaining!<P>Anyway, just had to comment that this story was very similar to a storyline years ago on a soap opera I used to watch. This girl had her eye on a cute guy, but he was married already. Didn't stop her, she got him drunk and the inevitable happened. She had been a strong independant woman, but once the pee pee turned blue she acted like Sampson with a crew cut.<P>In the story though, the H and W turned the tables. When she called them saying she had no food in the house and she was hungry, they called a supermarket that delivered. When she complained that she was so tired all the time and couldn't clean her house, W hired her a live in maid. Then when she whined that she needed the H because she couldn't raise the baby alone, they had a lawyer friend of theirs go over with official looking papers for her to sign giving them permanent custody of the baby. Definitely not what she wanted, but that particular H was not going to leave his W under any circumstances.<P>Maybe next time Sweetie needs H, you should send over a maid, and a vibrator.<P>If she's that incapable of taking care of trivial everyday needs, and she has a child you say? Then maybe an anonymous call to cps telling them you're a concerned neighbor and worried that she isn't capable of taking proper care of that baby would be the wake up call she needs. (that's what'd I do, but then again, I can be a witch if I need to be)<P>If it is an act, then at that point her true colors will really show. If it turns out that it isn't an act after all, then that home is the last place that baby needs to be.<P>Also, maybe you should start doing things in twos - writing letters, sending cards - etc. Send one to his house, and another duplicate to MIL's, only put on the one going to MIL's that this is a duplicate in case he didn't get the one you sent to his house. (nasty nasty me!)

lostva - I really wanted to cook that special meal for Empty Shell. I just have one clairfication; was the bacon cooked or just thawed?<P>ES wouldn't let me cook that for him though. I wonder why????

Tendervittles - Believe me, all your suggestions have, at one point or another, crossed my mind. I'm still wondering why she doesn't have full custody of her daughter. I do believe her true colors are finally coming out. At least, I HOPE so. Gonna start writing there - just to see what happens!!! Probably hear her all the way here!!!<P>Hopeful - I forgot to ask if she cooks it first!!! How silly of me? You tell ES if you go to that much trouble, he'd just better eat it and enjoy it!!!<P>Have a good Sunday, guys!<P>Lori

lostva -- I didn't say I wouldn't eat it if she made it. But please, if I've been that bad, just give me bread and water instead. OK I'll even settle for moldy bread and muddy water, but not pop tarts and bacon. Please

ES - Teehee!!!

Lori - Exactly how old IS Sweetie Pie (aka Pop Tart)? Don't recall if you ever gave us an exact figure, but from your description, it sounds like she's a teenager. That does complicate things. Gee, your H's family and her family both sound pretty tolerant of the situation, all things considered. I'm glad you can look at it with a sense of humor. There is something a bit absurd about the whole mess. Regards and blessings,<P>--Wex