Long story short - I have been with my wife for 10 years, we've been married for 5. We love eachother so deeply, but have our share communication issues. In the first year of our marriage, I had a 6 month affair which was never discovered. 8 months ago, I discovered her affair that had been going on for only a month. It took a month of hell, but I finally got her to admit it by threatening to go to her cell phone company and requesting text messages. I confessed to my affair and told her she needed to stop contacting him. She of course did not. Knowing how hard withdrawal can be, I forgave the continued contact - which eventually ended. He was just a 20-something trying to get laid and did not have any emotional interest in her anyway.

We went to counceling and began rebuilding. Things have been mostly going great in our relationship. It's like we're falling in love all over again. But...

I just can't get over her affair sometimes. This can go on for weeks at a time. It hits me hard. Resentment and anger set in. Sex with her is not the same ("did she do that with him?", "did she say that to him?"). I hope that one day it will be. I still have trouble trusting her. She, on the other hand, forgave me with minimal effort and never brings up what I did. She trusts me completely. I feel the need to talk about her affair sometimes. She refuses to talk about it and mentions that she never brings up what I did. In the rare case that she does bring it up, I sit there and take it. I understand her pain. I do not try to change the subject or get angry.

I completely got what I deserved. I know that. Why can't I seem to get over it? I did the same thing. For longer. Karma is a [censored]. Rants? Advice? Just get the **** over it statements? Am I just a self-righteous a-hole? To me it's like I hit someone in the head, then they hit me in the head. I say "ouch! that hurts!" They say "that can't hurt - you hit me in the head too." I mean, I understand, but that doesn't take the pain away.

im76,welcome to Marriage Builders. I'm sorry you've had to find your way here, but you've come to the right place if you want to rebuild your marriage.

First of all, you're in the wrong forum. You are not in recovery. Ask the mods to move you over to Surviving an Affair.

Second, read this first, so you understand what needs to happen to recover your marriage: Start Here

Who was the OM? Who was YOUR OW? Are either of you in contact with either of them?