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Ernie78 Offline OP
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My wife's 9 year old is a spiteful, hateful girl with a sharp tongue. She has been since before we got married three years ago (my one and only hesitation to getting married). I get on her for being so being so disrespectful, but my wife won't allow me to say anything to her about it. She quotes this:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5008_qa.html

"At first, you may not agree about much of anything, in which case you are not to discipline the children (they may do whatever they please). But as you practice applying the policy, you and your husband will begin to establish guidelines in child-rearing issues, and agreements will start to form. Eventually, you will agree on how to discipline your children in a way that takes each others feelings into account, and your marriage will be saved."

My DW won't stop the kid from speaking to me the way she does. I feel like the woman in Dr. Harley's book who had a stepdaughter that scissored all her clothes. I have had it, and let her know she needs to do her job if she is to be the only one to do the disciplining. Now she wants a divorce!!!!

The 9yo girl has a dad in Dallas who gives her anything she wants, including a $500 smart phone. The divorced dad in Dallas (DDID?) also lets the girl verbally and physically abuse her older brother when they are visiting him (he's a really sweet kid and never causes trouble), then the DDID punishes my stepson if he retaliates (or even protects himself) at all.

There is NO POJA when it comes to my stepdaughter. She definitely does as he pleases and has no repercussions. The punishments my wife gives her are entirely ineffective as there have been no positive results or improvements.

I get attacked and have no protection emotionally. I tried really hard to not say anything to the girl when she acts/says what she does, but it's really hard not to do so. Wife wants me to come get her when she does those things so she can talk to her, but it's just a little "don't speak to him that way" and SD says "OK mom" and does it again a few hours later.


I don't understand why I have to be the "bad guy" here.

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Originally Posted by Ernie78
My DW won't stop the kid from speaking to me the way she does. I feel like the woman in Dr. Harley's book who had a stepdaughter that scissored all her clothes. I have had it, and let her know she needs to do her job if she is to be the only one to do the disciplining. Now she wants a divorce!!!!

Do you want to save your marriage?


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Ernie78 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by markos
Do you want to save your marriage?

{rant on} I think it should be obvious, or I would never bother to waste my time posting here, and would have left by now and none of you would have heard word one from me about any of it.... I do NOTHING unless I have a good reason to do so.{rant off}

I don't want to sound snide. I imagine the some of the responses people would like to say is this: "shut up and let the kid be as rotten as she chooses to, and as much as your wife chooses to let her. The only way to save your marriage is to let it happen that way".(That sentiment coincides with the Dr. Harley quote)

WHO in their right mind wants to live a home life like that!?!? Talk about love busters... If I had a kid that was treating my DW like that, I think I had better **** well step in and put a stop to it if I felt like I should expect any affection from my wife! How awful would that be for her??

I get enough bad attitudes 10-12 hours a day at work - all I want when I get home is a little peace and some time to ''de-stress''. If I can't get that, then why should I even bother going home?!? Should I go to the bar and de-stress there instead? I don't think that is a good solution.

Last edited by Ernie78; 10/14/13 12:15 PM.
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Okay, so if the answer is "yes, I want to save my marriage" I need to let you know that you are going to have to invest a lot more time into learning this program than you have been investing. I have read several of your wife's posts and your posts - several times you have talked about how you have "no time."

If you don't make time, your wife is going to divorce you.

We'll be glad to help.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Sounds like you have a pretty sharp tongue yourself. Is this how you talk to your wife about the subject?


Markos' Wife
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What to do with an Angry Husband

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This problem and all marital problems are impossible to resolve in the presence of angry outbursts. I see that you have previously refused to take any sort of anger management training. That is going to make this problem impossible to solve, and your marriage will very likely end in divorce.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I recommend you start here, because you can listen while at work or while driving to work:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4200_radio.html

The show is on all the time; each day's show repeats for 23 hours until the next show.

Do you have the book Love Busters? Can you buy the ebook version and read from work?


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Ernie78 Offline OP
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Lay off the disrespectful judgements for the time being!!!

I am just a little bit upset at the moment.

If you have a hard time understanding as how I might be upset............... then please refrain from forming opinions about me until you get to know me better. Is that OK with ?!?

I'll bet you would feel the same way if you were in my shoes right now!!!!!

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Originally Posted by Ernie78
I get enough bad attitudes 10-12 hours a day at work - all I want when I get home is a little peace and some time to ''de-stress''. If I can't get that, then why should I even bother going home?!? Should I go to the bar and de-stress there instead? I don't think that is a good solution.

In your previous threads, we advised you to schedule 15+ hours a week with your wife alone, without the children. This should give you plenty of good time to destress - plus, if you want to save your marriage, you're going to have to do this.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Originally Posted by Ernie78
Lay off the disrespectful judgements for the time being!!!

I am just a little bit upset at the moment.

If you have a hard time understanding as how I might be upset............... then please refrain from forming opinions about me until you get to know me better. Is that OK with ?!?

I'll bet you would feel the same way if you were in my shoes right now!!!!!

Okay, I have no idea what you are talking about, and if you want to save this marriage, you need to learn and implement this program. You MUST get anger management training. You MUST make time to learn this program, or your wife is going to divorce you.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Will you get into anger management?


Markos' Wife
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What to do with an Angry Husband

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Can you get your wife to come back and post?


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Originally Posted by Ernie78
My wife's 9 year old is a spiteful, hateful girl with a sharp tongue. She has been since before we got married three years ago (my one and only hesitation to getting married).

Yet you married...why? If this girl is as you describe and her mother does not want to discipline her...well...you knew all this when you married.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Originally Posted by Ernie78
Lay off the disrespectful judgements for the time being!!!

I am just a little bit upset at the moment.

If you have a hard time understanding as how I might be upset............... then please refrain from forming opinions about me until you get to know me better. Is that OK with ?!?

I'll bet you would feel the same way if you were in my shoes right now!!!!!

Of course I felt that way when I came here! Then I used this program to save my marriage.

We need to get you engaged in taking the steps to turn this around.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Ernie78 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by markos
Do you have the book Love Busters? Can you buy the ebook version and read from work?

Yes, we have read from the book.

Y'all folks need to remember one more thing - you don't know my wife. You only know what she has typed. You most likely have never met her, and YOU DO NOT live with her. You also have NO IDEA if she is "embellishing the details a little" when she posts here. Because you don't live with her.

Don't believe you think you know her as well as you think you might. Everyone's a hero when they are telling their side of the story, right? Especially when hiding behind a keyboard.

How much of what she said is the truth? I'll bet you don't know for sure, because she has penchant for slanting opinions towards her by choosing her words and phrases carefully. Don't be so quick to judge her character because she is on here frequently - - She might give great advice at times to others, but that doesn't mean she puts the same amount of effort into her own marriage, OK?

Come over to my house and live with us for a few months before you pretend to know the woman she is actually is.

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Ernie78 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by Prisca
Will you get into anger management?

I didn't need it before I got married.

If someone hits you on the thumb every day, do you need an aspirin to stop the pain?

..Or shouldn't you just take the hammer away from them?

Makes sense, doesn't it?

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I don't understand why you are trying to convince us we know your wife or don't, or why you're posting the big bolded sections.

If you want to stop your wife from divorcing you, you need to get invested learning this program. Did you see that Love Busters says you should ELIMINATE angry outbursts, disrespectful judgments, and selfish demands? How do you feel about doing that?


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Originally Posted by markos
Can you get your wife to come back and post?

I am sure she'll be along......

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Originally Posted by Ernie78
Originally Posted by Prisca
Will you get into anger management?

I didn't need it before I got married.

If someone hits you on the thumb every day, do you need an aspirin to stop the pain?

..Or shouldn't you just take the hammer away from them?

Makes sense, doesn't it?

Your wife is going to divorce you if you don't learn to eliminate angry outbursts. Do you want to save your marriage, or just post reasons here why you don't want to follow the plan that will save it?


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Originally Posted by Ernie78
Originally Posted by Prisca
Will you get into anger management?

I didn't need it before I got married.

If someone hits you on the thumb every day, do you need an aspirin to stop the pain?

..Or shouldn't you just take the hammer away from them?

Makes sense, doesn't it?

We are trying to get you to put the hammer down. To do that, you need to take anger management.

You have previously disregarded this recommendation (which is exactly what Dr. Harley advised), and now your wife is threatening divorce. If you continue to disregard the steps that save marriages, you're not likely to proceed on to marital happiness.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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