Two weeks is not a long time, so her suspicion is understandable. Don't slip on up this.


Get to your doctor and have him prescribe an anti-depressant for you. It will help you get through and do what you need to do.

Is she talking to this OM as well? Because if so, putting a VAR in the car is a great idea as well.

How far does this OM live from you and is he married?

We live in Virginia, he lives in Ohio, about 300 miles away and yes he is married and accordingly to my wife happily (which if were the case I don't he'd be texting my wife all hours of the day)

No she primarily uses electronic forms of communication (facebook, text and emails)

This is good and will help you later.

Get the keylogger on the devices she uses ASAP. What type of phone and is it password locked?

Well I installed the keystroke software and it take long to find out what was going on and it wasn't even the man I thought it was.

She had actually planned to meet him in a few weeks in west virginia when I went to see my mother in South Carolina.

I took the information I had and confronted her, explained the facts I had and she didn't deny anything (how could she).

Unfortunately our marriage is over. Most of what I read really showed how much she has learned to dislike me (I'm uncaring, not affectionate, cold)

The next step will be to tell our kids which will be done on Sunday.

I have to commit that Dr. Harley was spot on about my wife's emotional needs and what would happen if they are not fulfilled.

I have learned alot in this journey and have a lot more to learn.

Thanks to everyone for their support.

Tmnh, I am sorry you have uncovered an affair.

Did you want to save your marriage?

I would also strongly urge you to expose the affair to friends, family, any children over age 4 and the OM's wife, family and friends. You should do everything in your power to run that rat off so your children are not stuck with him in the future.. Go read the thread in my signature about how to expose.

I am sorry you made the decision to end your marriage but that is your right. Just do your best to kill her affair.

Make sure that SHE is not there when you tell them all about her affair. Be sure and give them the full and complete name of that rat so they will know who the enemy is. They need to know their family is being destroyed so their mother can pursue her filthy affair.

How did you do such a dramatic leap from wanting to save your marriage to just giving up today?? What has changed?

Sorry for your news.

Who is the OM? Is he married?

Who is on your exposure list?

It was not my decision, it was hersm. things have already been to change. This morning the OM sent an email to my wife for me, which she let me read.

Basically it said that he wouldn't have been in the picture if I had done my job as a husband (somewhat true) and that he was backing off to give my wife and I chance to work things out.

Concerning separation, she now wants to wait until after the first of the year.

I plan on telling my kids ( ages 18 and 20) tomorrow and some of the people we work with. The OM is not married and wouldn't know how to contact his kids.

But apparently you have agreed with this. So you don't even want to save your marriage? Is there a reason why you won't fight to save your marriage?

That's really nice of you to roll over and allow the OM to destroy your marriage and family. Do you think that is the right thing to do?

This is not your wife. This is a addict who is pushing you around and apparently, you've decided to go along with this.

You may be thinking, I want nothing to do with this woman!

You have to get her to put down the crackpipe. You kill the affair, and THEN you decide if you want to D or not.

In late September I learned that my wife of 20 years was having an affair. I immediately exposed the affair to our kids (ages 20 and 18) and our friends at work (we work at the same company, but the OM doesn't).

We both agreed to separate, I have hired an attorney and changed all the accounts so she can not get access to my finances. She moves out this Thursday.

I do know at this point she has no plans to end the affair and is in constant contact with the OM using her laptop (he lives in another state). I also know that she plans to spend the upcoming holidays with him, though she has denied it.

Since I found out about the affair, things between have been quite friendly and I think I may have been too accommodating towards her.

My question is what type of contact, if any, should I have with her once we separate? Should I avoid any contact what so ever?

Hi Yankee, I would plan to stay in contact with her up to 2 years. If she doesnt' end her affair within 2 years, it is probably hopeless.

Is the OM married and did you expose the affair to all his family and friends?

He is divorced.

Have you verified that independently? And have you exposed to his parents and other family and friends? Does he have a facebook page?

Exposing to the OM's family is a powerful weapon against the affair because she won't be able to show her face in many circles. They have a plan to ease her into his family and introduce her as a divorced woman [with a abusive husband, of course]. Exposure to his family will ruin the future of her affair. And that is what you want to do.

I know that he has a facebook page, but since he lives in another state, it would be difficult to expose him to his family and friends

It's really not difficult at all. If he has a facebook page you can send his family and friends private messages as outlined in my exposure thread. Have you read the thread in my signature?

See, affairs thrive on secrecy, so keeping it a secret for them only serves to enable the affair. Surely you don't want to be the enabler of the OM and your wife?