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mrs_cen #2766272 11/15/13 10:38 PM
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How's it going, Mrs. Cen?

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

MrsWondering #2766324 11/16/13 09:06 AM
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We are good Mrs. W - working on implementing some more of te suggestions for UA time.


FWW, 36

mrs_cen #2766356 11/16/13 06:53 PM
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Has your husband found employment?

kerala #2766421 11/17/13 07:23 AM
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Originally Posted By: kerala
Has your husband found employment?


YES!!! Finally!, we are both now working full time, so I'm hoping that, some of that stress will now be resolved.
We have also begun planning a weekend trip to New York - first time in the US for both of us and first trip alone! so we are super excited.


FWW, 36

mrs_cen #2766429 11/17/13 10:00 AM
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Originally Posted By: mrs_cen
Originally Posted By: kerala
Has your husband found employment?


YES!!! Finally!, we are both now working full time, so I'm hoping that, some of that stress will now be resolved.
We have also begun planning a weekend trip to New York - first time in the US for both of us and first trip alone! so we are super excited.


hurray


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


mrs_cen #2766437 11/17/13 11:18 AM
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What an awesome update! I'm thrilled to hear it, Mrs. Cen! And New York? You lucky dawg you! Now if you say you guys are getting tickets to see Wicked I will be so jealous that I'll be greener than Elphaba! grin

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

MrsWondering #2766466 11/17/13 04:08 PM
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That's wonderful news, mrs_cen! I saw your other post about the big reduction in panic attacks, too, and no angry outbursts from either of you. This is the result of following Dr H's advice about UA time, eliminating LBs, not talking about the affair and moving, even when it seemed that you were taking a big leap. Your marriage is on the road to recovery. Keep it up, and make sure you get to New York! Send us a postcard!


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
SugarCane #2766467 11/17/13 04:40 PM
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Originally Posted By: SugarCane
That's wonderful news, mrs_cen! I saw your other post about the big reduction in panic attacks, too, and no angry outbursts from either of you. This is the result of following Dr H's advice about UA time, eliminating LBs, not talking about the affair and moving, even when it seemed that you were taking a big leap. Your marriage is on the road to recovery. Keep it up, and make sure you get to New York! Send us a postcard!


I sure will!


FWW, 36

mrs_cen #2766513 11/18/13 09:29 AM
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Originally Posted By: mrs_cen
Originally Posted By: kerala
Has your husband found employment?


YES!!! Finally!, we are both now working full time, so I'm hoping that, some of that stress will now be resolved.
We have also begun planning a weekend trip to New York - first time in the US for both of us and first trip alone! so we are super excited.

This is such GREAT news mrs.cen laugh Very happy for you!


Markos' Wife
FWW - EA
8 kids ...
What to do with an Angry Husband

Prisca #2766514 11/18/13 09:31 AM
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Wonderful news. smile


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
markos #2766543 11/18/13 12:12 PM
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Thanks both of you - Markos & Prisca (for everything)
Brainy, ML, SusieQ - you guys to!!!


FWW, 36

mrs_cen #2766573 11/18/13 01:23 PM
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**edit**

Dr. Harley advocates two approaches toward dealing with memories:
Avoid situations that trigger the memory, and
If that is not possible, then "saturation" is an option: revisit those places/occasions that cause triggers, and find ways to transform the trigger. This is much, much harder.

***edit***

Last edited by Toujours; 11/18/13 03:24 PM. Reason: TOS removing link and non MB advice

Doormat_No_More
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#2766593 11/18/13 02:07 PM
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Originally Posted By: Doormat_No_More

Dr. Harley advocates two approaches toward dealing with memories:
  • Avoid situations that trigger the memory, and
  • If that is not possible, then "saturation" is an option: revisit those places/occasions that cause triggers, and find ways to transform the trigger. This is much, much harder.


The approach I discuss above is much more for those situations that you are not aware are triggers, for which avoidance and/or saturation are not a real option.


Just wanted to add that when Dr Harley says "not possible," he is not talking about situations such as infidelity, but things like a fear of elevators, trauma associated with a tragic event, etc. He has recommended flooding in some extreme cases because if a person does not get over her fear of elevators, for example, she may eventually be faced with an 80 story building. He does not recommend flooding in the case of infidelity.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


MelodyLane #2766622 11/18/13 04:04 PM
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Absolutely, good point. I've heard him mention things like grocery stores: if your spouse had an affair and met at the grocery store, it's not like you're going to stay out of the fruit & nut section the rest of your life. So "flooding" or "saturation" is a valid tactic there, too.


Doormat_No_More
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Originally Posted By: Doormat_No_More
Absolutely, good point. I've heard him mention things like grocery stores: if your spouse had an affair and met at the grocery store, it's not like you're going to stay out of the fruit & nut section the rest of your life. So "flooding" or "saturation" is a valid tactic there, too.


I have heard him say he doesnt apply the flooding strategy to affairs. Where does he apply it to grocery stores? In the case of the grocery store and the affair, the trigger would typically be a specific grocery store,[or a chain] which should be avoided.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


MelodyLane #2766633 11/18/13 04:39 PM
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I'd say I'll see if I can dig up the show where he gave that example to a woman suffering extreme anxiety many years after her husband's affair... but I'm both lazy and honest. So I won't :-)


Doormat_No_More
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mrs_cen #2766746 11/19/13 10:15 AM
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Originally Posted By: mrs_cen
Thanks both of you - Markos & Prisca (for everything)
Brainy, ML, SusieQ - you guys to!!!

I'm so happy for you!!! Congrats!!


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted By: Doormat_No_More
I'd say I'll see if I can dig up the show where he gave that example to a woman suffering extreme anxiety many years after her husband's affair... but I'm both lazy and honest. So I won't :-)

Did you listen to these clips from Dr. Harley on triggers?
Originally Posted By: BrainHurts
Here are some good clips about triggers.
Dr. Harley on How to Deal with Triggers


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2768018 11/25/13 02:08 PM
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Originally Posted By: BrainHurts
Originally Posted By: mrs_cen
Thanks both of you - Markos & Prisca (for everything)
Brainy, ML, SusieQ - you guys to!!!

I'm so happy for you!!! Congrats!!


x100!

Mrscen, I also want to add I was so happy to see you posting & helping others recently. Bravo! smile


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
BrainHurts #2768061 11/25/13 05:13 PM
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Originally Posted By: BrainHurts
Originally Posted By: Doormat_No_More
I'd say I'll see if I can dig up the show where he gave that example to a woman suffering extreme anxiety many years after her husband's affair... but I'm both lazy and honest. So I won't :-)

Did you listen to these clips from Dr. Harley on triggers?
Originally Posted By: BrainHurts
Here are some good clips about triggers.
Dr. Harley on How to Deal with Triggers


Not sure how I missed your post Brain, but I thank you for the link! I did set some time aside to listen, I also wrote down what I felt were some of my triggers and ways I could (a) avoid them (if possible) or (b) deal with them in a healthy way so as I don't allow them to be a "focus" in our lives.


FWW, 36

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