I do understand where you are coming from. You want to offer to your XWW the opportunity to experience the love of God. But I am trying to picture how such a letter would be helpful. You would be very kind, I'm sure, telling her how you wish her well and that you will be praying for her that she finds success and happiness in her life and that she finds God. Meanwhile, also said kindly, please never contact me and I won't be contacting you. These two aspects don't really coincide very well, do they?

Are you planning to stay in Plan B? If so, then a letter of forgiveness but no relationship seems contradictory of forgiveness.

But letting go and moving on is very good for you.

JK, I agree with Longwayhome that sending her a letter is not going to achieve your purposes for the reasons she gave. The best way to allow her to see the love of God is to pray she will be recognize God. Sending her a letter is not necessary because those spiritual benefits come from God, not you.

The way you close that chapter of your life is to close that chapter in your life completely. Like longway pointed out, you don't need to offer up "forgiveness" in order to shut that door, you just need to shut the door.

And I want to remind you of one of the most powerful scriptures, in my opinion, telling us not to associate with the works of darkness. That is how satan gets a foothold in our lives. Ephesians 5:11, Proverbs 1:10, Proverbs 28:4

Stay away, my friend. Place her in God's hands and accept that you cannot force her to come to God.

Let me throw in that God is constantly sending your ex-WW love letters every day, calling her back to Him.

I agree strongly with what LongWayFromHome and MelodyLane are saying above - in fact LongWay has got probably the best summary I've ever seen of Dr. Harley's position on that subject.

I decided to "let go" what my wayward mother did to me many years ago. At the time I called it "forgiveness." She definitely never repented, and there was no reconciliation. I also chose to quit making attempts to reach her spiritually, because they were fruitless. She is in God's hands, and if she comes back to God the instigation of that decision will not be through me.

He hasn't left himself without witness. (Acts 14:17) I'm sure that you shared your Christian faith with your ex-WW many times in the past. I can't see how a new contact would be sufficient to help her spiritually when the old contact was not.

Okay. I will just leave it as it now is

***EDIT***

I feel that I have done this.
I dont really have anger or bitterness towards her any longer.
I really just want to focus on the next half of my life.

An excellent clip on forgiveness.
Radio Clip on Forgiveness

Jedi,
Mercy and Forgiveness are central to the Christian faith. But there is a difference between reconciliation and forgiveness though they are closely tied together.

Reconciliation is a restorative process that the Church has in place that heals relationships between one person and God and the others who were hurt by the sin. Reconciliation requires 1) an examination of conscience, which requires one to come out of the fog of denial, 2) a confession (an admission of the transgression, which includes an appeal for forgiveness), 3) an act of Contrition (a genuine and sincere expression of sorrow for what has been done and a promise to not do it again, and 4) penance (an act or prayer that atones for the mistake in God's eyes). So as you can see from this process, the responsibility for reconciling falls on the sinner. But through God's grace and the grace of the victim, this process reconciles and heals. When done with genuine intention, reconciliation is a beautiful, life-giving sacrament.

I believe that Dr. Harley stays away from the term forgiveness because forgiveness without the true recovery process that includes just compensation, leads to a false recovery.

I'm sure that Dr. Harley, a faith-filled Christian, believes in mercy and forgiveness as they are at the heart of the Gospel message. But he has seen too many couples offer forgiveness without putting in place the essential elements of just compensation, without which recovery is impossible. You can forgive a drug addict over and over, but until they make a commitment by going through process to come clean they will walk all over you. Same goes for one in an affair.

So here is how I see this applying to your situation. I don't think you should tell her that you forgive her because that takes her off the hook. It's a free pass, which does neither you or her any good. It's meaningless. But if she were to go through a genuine reconciliation process then you are bound to forgive as Jesus demands us. I ask you this: Who would you rather be in the parable of the Return of the Prodigal Son? The father or the brother. More importantly, which role would Jesus ask you to take? (Luke 15:11-32)

I think that maybe your pastor is concerned that hurt, anger, and pain have created in you a resentment that will not allow you to heal. Forgiveness can free you of those things and give you new life. Have you ever seen the Clint Eastwood's film Unforgiven? It's a great morality play about people who carry the burden of resentment and let it activate their hate into vengeance, and the bloodbath that ensues makes losers out of everyone. Or to look at it from the opposite perspective read this story about a South African woman who lost her husband and son to atrocity: http://www.thirdway.com/rad/?Page=1659|Fainting+to+the+tune+of+Amazing+Grace

JediKnight has said that he feels no bitterness toward his XWW. He has "let go" of her and is moving on with his life, with an eye toward a good future for himself and his children.

Forgiveness is, as you said, tied to reconciliation and restoration of relationship. There is no such restoration of the relationship, so letting go is appropriate in JK's case.

The point that Dr Harley and longwayhome are making is that one does not have to go though a fake, one sided forgiveness to move forward from the bitterness and anger. I don't know where we ever got that idea because it simply isn't true. People can and do overcome anger and bitterness successfully without going through all this.

I have not "forgiven" my XH but I feel no bitterness towards him. He has not asked for my forgiveness, in the first place. A better way to relinquish the anger is to stay away from the person and avoid triggers. That has worked beautifully.

Merry Christmas, Jedi!

Thank you all for the advice and Christmas wishes

Do Chinese use wedding rings?
I saw a beautiful Chinese lady at the Chinese restaurant tonight (where I took the kids for dinner)
I'm tempted to go back and try to talk to her.

I used to know a Chinese restauranteer but he moved and I lost my unofficial cultural attache.

Why don't you go back and ask her if she is married.
If not, ask her out.

Rings missing don't necessarily mean not married for any culture. Some very dedicated, married women don't wear them for comfort and safety reasons.

How do you ask someone if they are married?
Do i just ask "Are you married?"
How should i do it?

I know how to ask her out if she's single.
I dont know how to start a conversation with someone that may be married

Could you ask one of the coworkers of the lady? You could say to her coworker that she is certainly very attractive and then ask if she's married.

You can also make pleasant conversation with a woman and respectfully say

"Do you mind if I ask......are you married?"

If yes, you say "He must be a lucky guy" and pull back from anything further.
If no, you can say "Would you mind having coffee with me sometime?"

etc.

Okay ill do that.
Thanks for the guidelines.

My dad told me not to ask her out. He said her father decides who she marries and is allowed to date and I would just be getting myself into trouble.

How did he find this out?