Are you still in contact with your WH?

Is he supporting his children with you? Do you have the means to support yourself?

How are you doing physically? Are you depressed or are you coping pretty well?

If your H is living with OW, you need to be in Plan B and not have any contact at all with him, using an Intermediary (IM) to arrange child visitation.

Plan B protects you from the harm of his adultery. You can live with your children peacefully without the drama of him and OW.

You should expose his affair to your friends and family and ask for their help. You should also expose your own affairs to these folks and ask for their accountability and help.

Read up on Plan B. Plan to stay in Plan B for two years. Don't date and make sure you are using extraordinary precautions to keep yourself from complicating things further by having another affair. Make sure you avoid opposite sex friendships.

Please stick to one thread. Click Notify and ask the moderators to merge your threads.

Yes, exposure needs to be wide and far. Exposure sheds light on the adultery. Sure, not everyone is going to care, but you will find help in unexpected places. Exposure puts pressure on the affair partners. It's not as much "fun" when everyone knows it's an affair.

Expose wide and far. Expose your own affairs, too, saying that you have made many mistakes in your marriage and that you are asking for their help.

Please remember that not everyone who calls himself a Christian actually acts like one.

Lwfh-

No, I'm no longer in contact with h. I've really made a mess of things before coming to mb. The last conversation with him he told me never to call him again so I'm doing just that.

No, he is not supporting me or the children. I have not received a dime since he has been gone. We have lost our home and are staying with my mothers ex-husband which is my older brothers father.

I'm not doing to well sometimes I get depressed when I think about my children and the situation so I try not to dwell on it. That keeps me sane.

It's funny, I appreciate you touching on plan b I read up on it and figured that's where I should be as well. When I contact him I just give him too much power.

In addition, I'm equally glad you touched in the subject of male friends to be honest that's where I have been getting the bulk if my financial support but I suspected I should not be entertaining that since they'll probably be looking for something in return.
Thanks again for the advice it was enlightening.

The best thing you can do for yourself is an airtight Plan B. I don't see a whole lot of hope for your marriage, because you and your estranged husband both have low boundaries when it comes to the opposite sex and there've been so many mistakes on both sides. However, Plan B is still your best option whether or not your marriage is saved.


Have you seen a lawyer? I'm not a legal expert by any means, but Dr. Harley often advises women to file for divorce in these situations so you can start getting child and spousal support from your H.


If you find yourself feeling consistently low, consider seeing your doctor for anti-depressants. It need only be temporary to see you through the worst part of Plan B. ADs help to equalize out your emotions.


Does he see the children? Visitation should be arranged through an intermediary. All financial arrangements should be arranged through an IM as well. You would end ALL contact with him. Send him a final love letter based on the templates Here.


For the sake of your own integrity and for the safety of your children, you should avoid dating for the foreseeable future and concentrate on raising your children and finding viable ways to support yourself. While you are married, even though separated, you are not free to date, because you are not single. Maintain high and strict boundaries with men.

Have you exposed his affair yet?

Here.
How to Plan B Correctly

Brainhurts-

Not as yet. I am going to do it via her Facebook nutshell has over 600 friends so it will take some time. I may have to recruit help.

Make sure to start with family and such first, so that if FB does cut you off you will have gotten the most important people.

Exposed the affair via Facebook took me over an hour and I only notified about 100 of her friends one person responded saying that the ow owes me nothing and my husband is 100% at fault and my only recourse should be to leave him.

Okay did you pay to send messages to people that aren't your friends?
Otherwise they won't get the message

jk-
i did not pay but it has been effective thus far. I have had three friend requests and one person responded to me saying she was in the same situation and that exposure does nothing bc misery loves company.

Exposure is the first step in ending the affair. There are some folks here on this forum whose spouse's affair ended immediately due to exposure. Exposure takes the thrill out of the affair and shines the light of day on the tragedy.

It doesn't work every time, but it's always the first step. Besides shedding the light of day on the affair, it will also give you some much-needed support.