conflicting advice. But both good advice. My situation at present is she wants me out by the weekend. Legally (I am seeking proper advice)I have read a reasonable request if I have somewhere to go (hello mother) is 28 days. I will ride it out for now being careful of any conflicts. If and when I do go I think I need it to be amicable so I can employ either plan. This is no time for me to be tossing coins

I would not amicably separate.
Dr. Harley would probably recommend Plan B if you separate.
Also, if she leaves the house, Dr. Harley recommends that you do not help a spouse pack boxes, etc.

Also, you say she wants you out by the weekend.
She's not a judge so she cant tell you what to do.
If you are concerned about conflicting advice, I encourage you to email Dr. Harley directly for his advice: mbradio@marriagebuilders.com

You note that the house and mortgage are in her name but if the purchase was made after you married her, it is marital property. That means that neither can force the other to leave. You might want to consider this from a tactical standpoint as making her move in with the OM will definitely kill the affair faster. You would need to be in a position to pay the mortgage and taxes alone in the event she just stops making payments. Even though the mortgage is in her name, a foreclosure will impact both of you.

Also, as I am sure your lawyer will tell you, possession is 9/10ths of the law. If you move out, she can do what she wants with the house. My XH cleaned out the house after I left. Took everything including stuff I inherited from my grandmother. Furniture and paintings I left there so that the place would look good when it was being shown for sale. I have still not been able to get any of it back.

That was pretty dumb of me but our divorce was by then in its third year and he would not move out. Only do this if WW goes.

I see you are doing a good job of exposing the A. Don't be distracted by her anger now. It is expected.

I hope that you have a good understanding of Plan A.

Breaking up the A is only 1/2 of the formula at this point. Without the other half, your strategy most likely won't be effective.

What are you doing to SHOW her that if she would come back into the M that things would be any different than before?

House a complicated issue. Wife currently in the process of remortgage. Part of the application states anyone over 18 living in house needs to give consent. Her Mother loaned us 50k to buy and placed a legal charge so property will not be sold without her consent. Remortgage nearly covers loan and leaves no equity in property. I will not just up and leave. I need to stay while I find out the legal options

Do not give your consent unless your lawyer thinks this is a good strategy. I presume you are refinancing to pay off other debts? Sometimes that is not the wisest course of action.

Once you leave, even if it is only to stay with your mother for a month, she will be able to claim that you abandoned the house. Getting back in/your stuff out of there later will be tough.

I will not leave unless legally ordered to. I will not cause her problems or give her excuse to further blame me. Looking at the figures more the refinancing is to pay back her Mother and if the house were sold there would be some left, not much but some.
As for the conflicting advice over Plan A and B its something to think about as I have not left.

Just email Dr. Harley for direction.
If you include your name and phone number, he may have you on his radio show and then you could speak with him directly.

Email sent

Good. He usually responds within a day.

I got my response and its simply move from A to B no variation of the plans. As she is still very angry and embarrassed by the exposure any efforts apart from avoiding angry outbursts and disrespectful judgements are pretty much being ignored. This will not shake my resolve to remain pleasant.
Over the past few weeks she has noticed my efforts to show I can change even if she has lost sight of that now. I however feel better in myself for making an effort to improve myself. As for leaving the home, not yet. Legally she cannot make me unless I'm a risk of violence or abuse. D day may come or the time to move to Plan B but for now I must weather the storm

It is a good practice to keep a recorder on you at all times, in case she tries to falsely accuse you of a crime

Hi Blubeck, could you explain what you mean move from A to B no variation of the plans? Did Dr Harley suggest going to plan B now?

In my case I asked if I left should I still use plan A even if I wasn't in the home. Or if I left use plan B. If I were to leave plan B would be my best option.

Incidentally how do you deal with OH who doesn't want to speak to you or have you speak to them? She's still angry and expected me to of moved out already.

Found out her sister followed up my exposure to her side stating our marriage was already in trouble (true) and affair is not the cause of problems. Now most of her family angry with me for sending my message. The focus has moved off the affair (which will still continue) and back to our marriage problems. Wife dead set against any reconciliation or chances to talk and is being bolstered by 'her side' as my sides opinion/influence does not matter. Ultimatum given that I can take some cash and walk away or stay and immediate divorce/legal proceedings begin. She is willing to sell house and both be left with nothing. It's true exposure left too late can be ineffective. Rock and hard place. She's willing to admit adultery for divorce and is showing no shame in it. Im staying to prove I just won't walk away and I want to make a go of it. But it's falling on deaf ears and I may do more damage

This makes totally no sense. What on earth is she saying? You can get divorced with cash or get divorced without cash?

Errmmm no, that isn't how divorce works. Sounds as if her mother is worried about her loan being repaid and is pushing her to refinance so that she gets her money back.

If you decide to divorce, you need to be the one to initiate so that you control the calendar. Don't worry, waywards almost never initiate.

She's trying to buy me off. If she pays back her mother she can still lend it again after divorce. She's angry about exposure and doesn't want to live with me anymore. She will not leave herself so would rather divorce and sell up to get me gone.

In Plan A, you do not promote the breakup of the marriage so you would respond: " I am willing to work with you to create a loving marriage but you must first end your affair and agree to a program of recovery."

She's in the marital state of withdrawl and will be unwilling to work on recovery until her affair ends.

Dr. Harley refers to this as 'being in the fog.'
Every now and then, the fog will lift and she will think rationally. That is why you want a good impression in Plan A.

Points taken and used. Expressed willingness not promoted end. However don't feel affair is in any stage to end as the fog is thick.