I work from home. The kids are away at school most of the day. Weare currently living with her parents while we were looking to buy our one place. I pick up the kids from school and they are good kids. They know when I'm working and keep themselves entertained.

It gets more complicated. I'm currently living in Edinburgh, my job is in California and our dev/ops team is in Eastern Europe. I have to straddle multiple time zones so some days my work hours straddle between 8am and 11pm.

Its a job I love... Its more than a job.. I'm one of the founders of the company. Which is why I put in the extra effort. But I was willing to give that up too.
I started looking for other jobs. Something that was on local time so I didn't have insane hours.
I found a fantastic job in London. They made me an offer. I spoke to my wife about it and how shed feel about moving. She more or less refused after I said the first 2 sentences.
So I declined the offer. About 1.5 months later she says why don't you take it. It was too late by then.

I can understand her actions. She said on her thread that you guys weren't even having sex. I'm sure she didn't want to move her family to go to a new town with a roommate type of situation. She probably changed her mind in hopes of doing whatever it takes to fix the problems. You really put her in a precarious situation now, didn't you?

I am not beating up on you here. I was a wayward spouse once many moons ago. But it took me a while to really "get it."

Right now, she doesn't believe you that you didn't take it physical. Which she shouldn't. Time and again, the WS will only give enough details to keep their marriage in tact. Do you understand exactly why it is important to disclose everything? If she decides to stay in this marriage, it will take a lot of work not only for you but for her. Heaven forbid if there is anything that is uncovered that was previously undisclosed, you go back to square one. Five years of hard work can go up in a flash. So if you did make it physical, disclose now. Even if she says it's a deal breaker, you need to deal with it now. If you have any personal relationships, disclose now.

I just posted on your BW's thread, I don't want to sound like a broken record, so I'll keep it brief!
I to, am a FWW, except it was my BH that found this site and aske that I start to post.
The fact that your here is a good sign, please keep posting, listen to our vets and do whatever they suggest! Your road will not be easy, no WW's is - we lie, we hide, we cover up, we are our own enemy. We have betrayed the ones we love the most in the world. If your serious about your marriage and it's recovery you must do whatever it takes.

I'm willing to do whatever it takes.
I understand her situation of finding it hard to believe that I never took it to the physical level. I was honest with her and explained to her that I got my "thrills" masturbating knowing I COULD be with them if I wanted to. Yeah I know I'm messed up in the head.
I was actually already on the road to making ammends. I had already closed the account down. We started having sex from maybe once in 2 months to once a month to now it was 2-3 time a week?
We have/had our fair share of problems. Its not just porn.
I'm going to fight for us.. For her..for our relationship. I won't give up.

Many people who have lived a SSL (secret second life) as long as you have....end up trickle truthing their BS, and it just makes a BAD situation WORSE. Each time you trickle more truth, it will be a HUGE lovebuster and hurts your chances for recovering this marriage.

If there is anything at all that you are thinking, well, it will be "easier" or "better" for her to not know that little detail...that is your signal that you need to tell your BW immediately.

You may be thinking, I can't tell her anything else, this M is already hanging by a thread.

Your BW is already hurting. Get it all out in to the open now, rather than letting her recover a little bit only to be beat down again by more d-days. That will BACKFIRE on you big time.

There is NO RECOVERY if you haven't made a full commitment to being 100% O&H. None.

How many of those hours are spent on porn? And what hours do you work?

I have already told her everything. There is nothing more to tell. Short of giving her exact calendar dates of when I masturbated, which I myself don't remember there's nothing more.
And yes I'm aware she doesn't believe me when I say I haven't physically met anyone for sex, nor have I maintained an online relationship with anyone. You would consider them virtual one night stands.

And I spent maybe 10 mins a week watching porn. The rest is work.

Sorry correction . I also spend about 20 mins a day reading news on Google news...

That is great! Then you should pass a polygraph with flying colors. Does she have the names of the people you had the affairs with?

What are your working hours and what are her working hours?

She can't possibly have them because I don't have them. These were random online nicknames in a chat listing. You see them online at that time. I randomly picked one..after browsing through..and after chatting etc.. That was it. No friends list or anything available and even if there were I wasn't using them.

Hope that makes sense?

You aren't going to be able to rebuild trust if you have a crazy work schedule. If your working hours are unpredictable, then you as a husband are an unpredictable person. It makes it easy to have a Secret Second Life but on a basic level she can't trust you to be there when she needs you.

She needs to know when you are available, what your routine is and she needs to be able to see all of it.

You need 15 hours of undivided attention time to 'maintain' love and 20 hours to rebuild it after something as devastating as an affair. So I would plan not to be doing any work during your wife's free time!

Do you notice how checked out she is? That she is not only angry about your infidelity but also the lack of attention she's received for years?

That's one of the reasons she is so ready to pull the plug. I would also be amazed if she had been feeling passionately towards you even before this. Women tend not to feel passion for absentee husbands.

It's the top reason women file for divorce. Abused women don't leave but neglected women sure do.

It's also clear she isn't all that keen to put in the 20 hours. Like an unfuelled car she isn't willing to go the gas station herself.

So I would make it a priority to be 'available' to her 20 hours a week and get a babysitter's/relative's number and budget for that. If she happens to be around, offer to do stuff with her/for her and just fill whatever needs you can when you can.

You can't wait for her to be ready, you have to do the heavy lifting.

A polygraph is also the answer to your prayers. As your word cannot be trusted, thank goodness there is a way for you to verify what happened.

What happened re the dating websites? Were any dates set up? Are you able to give your BW passwords and message history?

Any residual messages should tell the truth for you.

Not really. I would want the names. You have the chat names of the people you had sex with. Who were your favorites?

What are your working hours and what are her working hours?

Actually no. I don't have the names. As I said earlier, its a chatroom filled with CURRENTLY online users. I would chat cam and it was done. The frequency at which I did, once in 6 months roughly, made it almost impossible for me to to see the same person again. Hence why I have no "favorites".

One of the reasons why they're asking you this is because it is important to make sure you protect your wife and marriage from these previous influences. I am a little naive as to this type of infidelity, so I apologize if I sound naive. So there is no personal information exchanged? In other words, none of these trysts have your cell phone number, email address, etc.? No one has your real name and could pop up days/weeks/months/years later?