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Thank you Mrs Cen
He didn't find the site, someone suggested I point him towards it.
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Thank you Mrs Cen
He didn't find the site, someone suggested I point him towards it. My apologies! I guess what I'm trying to say is, as a FWW I know the damage he's done to you, because I did the same thing to my H. I know the pain he was in, because I inflected it, he lost weight, couldn't eat or sleep, never laughed and I DID that. I just want you to know it can get better, if you and he can eleminate EVERYTHING that contributed to his A, you can save your marriage. We (BH and I have EP's in place now to ensure that it will never happen again) he gave up a $150k a year rig job, we moved 6500km across country, leaving one of our children with my parents. It's been tough, sooooo tough, but I was willing (and my BH to) to do whatever it took to save "us" Just wanted to offer some "light at the end of the tunnel"
FWW, 36
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Welcome! You've got some awesome posters already helping you.... Completely agree with the advice regarding the poly. Please don't let this one get placed on the back burner. I would get this done ASAP. My WxH had a very hard time letting go of his SSL. I have spoken to Dr Harley about this topic personally. The SSL becomes a very bad habit, and there is no recovery if your WH does not made the decision and do the hard work to change his ways and become radically honest with you. I just wanted to suggest that you not threaten your WH with D if "there is anything else". And try very hard not to lovebust him if he trickles more truth to you. Rather, I would keep telling him there is no way forward unless he comes completely clean with you about EVERYTHING. Leave the room if you must. You need to get all the information before you can make a decision about what you want to do. And unfortunately, I wouldn't be surprised AT ALL if there is still more truth to come.  Hang in there.
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As mrs_cen alluded to above, welcome to the "affair diet." It's the diet that nobody wants to be on.
Last edited by ImStaying; 04/06/14 08:14 AM.
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Thanks Imstaying not a diet I wanted even if I could do to lose a few pounds  On the other hand, it is working wonders SusieQ - if I don't show him how serious I am, how will he ever confess. i find it hard to believe this is it. I've already told him he needs to confess. Right now I may forgive him, later I will not. I'm not going to go through this again and again. Its one chance and that is it.
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I don't think there is anything left to save. I don't even see the point, even if he passes a polygraph it doesn't change the fact that he checked out 7 YEARS AGO. Get the full truth and then make a decision.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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i will wait it out melodylane.
And he is setting up a polygraph.
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Another huge issue will be his work schedule. Having different work schedules is a disaster to marriages. What hours does he work? And how much of that time has spent on porn?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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his work schedule is insane. I never know when he is working and when he is off. As far as i can see, he works early mornings, has a few hours off, then has calls in the evening too.
I don't know how much of it has been "surfing".
He has skype calls at various times and different time zones. I don't know how many are actually work or if there was other "stuff". I don't really care if there was more, its been so many different random people that adding a few more to the pot doesn't mean anything or make any difference.
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What are your work hours?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Monday, Tuesday, Thursday 9-5
Occasionally i go in for meetings on my days off. Maybe once a month.
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Monday, Tuesday, Thursday 9-5
Occasionally i go in for meetings on my days off. Maybe once a month. A big part of recovery will be to coordinate your work schedules so you can create an integrated lifestyle where you get up at the same time, go to bed at the same time and spend 20+ hours of time together each week. This is provided that you get the full truth and are able to successfully affair proof your marriage.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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20 hours a week? That's a lot of time.
What about kids? Can they be included in that time?
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20 hours a week? That's a lot of time.
What about kids? Can they be included in that time? Go check this out: The Policy of Undivided Attention
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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thanks melodylane.
That's a lot of time. I understand why, but I don't even want to look at him let alone spend 20 hours of my week with him.
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thanks melodylane.
That's a lot of time. I understand why, but I don't even want to look at him let alone spend 20 hours of my week with him. I understand completely! That is how you feel now, but if you decide to recover, doing so will dramatically change your feelings for him. And it won't take along time either.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I agree. There's no reason for you to go through all this unless he provides you with a better than ever marraige and for that you need UA time.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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