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Wait a minute. I just re-read your spouse's introduction. She said there was a "link to check available times for an escort." You describe it as online "chat listing."

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Originally Posted by ImStaying
Wait a minute. I just re-read your spouse's introduction. She said there was a "link to check available times for an escort." You describe it as online "chat listing."
I described the camming sites with chat listings.for the escort site, I had one contact which I gave to her already. I had shut down that account about 4 weeks prior to her having even discovered it. If you read this thread earlier on, you can see I described this situation. I would get my " enjoyment" out of knowing that I could hire their service if I so chose. It was like porn for me and I'd surf the site for that purpose. I was temtped ONCE. I made contact ONCE but got cold feet and bailed on that meeting. Never happened .
I have arranged for a polygraph test to prove to her that I never did meet nor did I have future intentions of meeting anyone hence why I closed the account 4 weeks BEFORE being caught. My whole enjoyment was knowing I COULD if I wanted to. Its really hard to describe.
As far as looking at availability, it was again part of the excitement. Keep in mind without having account you can't actually contact anyone on that site.

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Originally Posted by imessedupbigtime
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by imessedupbigtime
She can't possibly have them because I don't have them. These were random online nicknames in a chat listing. You see them online at that time. I randomly picked one..after browsing through..and after chatting etc.. That was it. No friends list or anything available and even if there were I wasn't using them.

Hope that makes sense?


Not really. I would want the names. You have the chat names of the people you had sex with. Who were your favorites?

Actually no. I don't have the names. As I said earlier, its a chatroom filled with CURRENTLY online users. I would chat cam and it was done. The frequency at which I did, once in 6 months roughly, made it almost impossible for me to to see the same person again. Hence why I have no "favorites".

That doesn't ring true at all. I would encourage your wife to have the polygraph tester test for ongoing affairs. If it doesn't ring true to me, it won't ring true to her. It is very common for waywards to lie about the identity of their affair partner<s> to provide those people protection.

But that can all be cleared up via a polygraph.

AND, you can always sign onto that sight with your wife looking on so she can see and understand the lay of the land. That might be helpful.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by imessedupbigtime
[
I have arranged for a polygraph test to prove to her that I never did meet nor did I have future intentions of meeting anyone hence why I closed the account 4 weeks BEFORE being caught. My whole enjoyment was knowing I COULD if I wanted to. Its really hard to describe.


One of the things she needs to have the polygraph tester ask is:

have you met anyone in person to have sexual relations during our marriage?

does your wife know about every person you had an affair with?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by imessedupbigtime
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by imessedupbigtime
She can't possibly have them because I don't have them. These were random online nicknames in a chat listing. You see them online at that time. I randomly picked one..after browsing through..and after chatting etc.. That was it. No friends list or anything available and even if there were I wasn't using them.

Hope that makes sense?


Not really. I would want the names. You have the chat names of the people you had sex with. Who were your favorites?

Actually no. I don't have the names. As I said earlier, its a chatroom filled with CURRENTLY online users. I would chat cam and it was done.
\

She needs those names. You can make a list of every chat name for her and show her their profiles.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Get back in here imessedup. This is YOUR job to fix things and make your wife feel safe being with you. You didn't follow through learning much last time so why is this time going to be different??? If you want to save your marriage this time YOU need to fix it. Your wife shouldn't have to lift a finger ....yet.

Why are you traveling alone for work?

As a computer guy:

1. You can't really be trusted on a computer - you should find ways besides software to make your wife feel safe with you having any internet access at all because you can figure out how to bypass software, keyloggers and other safety measures. I'm serious but you should probably install video cameras on yourself that your wife can access 24/7 to see what you are doing and another camera focused on your secured monitor (that can't be moved). These cameras should be running 24/7 and provide secured remote backup that your wife independently has sole password access to. Maybe they also have apps that allow your wife to "log in" and turn on your phone camera and/or microphone and listen in to what you are doing whenever she wants.

2. You should voluntarily either give up your phone or, at the least, switch to a flip phone. Too easy for a computer guy to work around any filters or controls on a full internet access phone. Once trust is somewhat reestablished perhaps a phone with the tiniest screen available on the market (that would be miserable to watch porn or cam chat upon) would be a good enough work around (with a keylogger program on it and you charging the thing out in the open in front of your wife and kids without any password protection on it).

I think you will find, regardless of whether you save your marriage or not that living a transparent life is a lot less stressful and anxiety laden.

I also want to emphasize that what I am recommending is NOT for your wife to become your policeman and have this access so she can spend her days and nights watching what you are doing. Rather....YOU have an issue with porn and with inappropriate behavior around women. You have to recognize this is YOUR problem and allowing yourself to be monitored, presuming you have any conscience at all, will hopefully result in you behaving better yourself. People tend to behave better when they think someone is OR could be watching them and/or if they're behavior is being recorded such that anyone could go back in time and double check facts whenever they choose.


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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