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Originally Posted By: LatefortheSky
Reading the conclusions in your responses it seems obvious I must not have communicated clearly. Thank you for your responses and sorry for wasting your time.


I think we understood you just fine, and I think we can help you, but it starts with having a talk about the parts of the program you are not carrying through with. One problem seems to be that when you post here and we try to start that conversation, you run off.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Originally Posted By: markos
Originally Posted By: LatefortheSky
Reading the conclusions in your responses it seems obvious I must not have communicated clearly. Thank you for your responses and sorry for wasting your time.


I think we understood you just fine, and I think we can help you, but it starts with having a talk about the parts of the program you are not carrying through with. One problem seems to be that when you post here and we try to start that conversation, you run off.

Markos,the biggest problems with the program for us has been UA, which has been both of our faults. The other is SF, which is my fault. Because of what has gone on I really don't want to touch her.

You are right I should post more but when i'm here I seem to focus on the negative and depressing stuff. Today has been really good and Trueform has been awesome. Wish me luck. BTW, I'm thinkin' about shaking loose some money for the coaching. I need help.

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I'm also seeing you say a lot of disrespectful things about your wife. Eliminating those is one of the early steps of the program.

It was very concerning that at Valentine's Day you felt like you wanted a day off from having to protect your wife from love busters.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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All of the UA and SF in the world won't help if love busters continue. You can't fill a love bank account if you are making withdrawals.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Originally Posted By: markos
All of the UA and SF in the world won't help if love busters continue. You can't fill a love bank account if you are making withdrawals.

I don't know what the hell I posted for you to assume I LBing?

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Originally Posted By: LatefortheSky
Originally Posted By: markos
All of the UA and SF in the world won't help if love busters continue. You can't fill a love bank account if you are making withdrawals.

I don't know what the hell I posted for you to assume I LBing?


This:

Originally Posted By: LatefortheSky
The day should be nice, not spent being vigilant to not LB.


Also the dragging mistakes of last year into the present.

Also, the fact that it sounds like you are getting mad at me for this is kind of a sign that you probably tend to act like that with your wife. Why so combative? If I'm mistaken, will verbally trouncing me make it better?


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Quote:
Also the dragging mistakes of last year into the present

That's a pretty big one.


Markos' Wife
FWW - EA
8 kids ...
What to do with an Angry Husband

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Originally Posted By: LatefortheSky
Originally Posted By: markos
All of the UA and SF in the world won't help if love busters continue. You can't fill a love bank account if you are making withdrawals.

I don't know what the hell I posted for you to assume I LBing?

Wow! Why the nasty post LatefortheSky?

markos is trying to teach you MB.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted By: markos
Originally Posted By: LatefortheSky
Originally Posted By: markos
All of the UA and SF in the world won't help if love busters continue. You can't fill a love bank account if you are making withdrawals.

I don't know what the hell I posted for you to assume I LBing?


This:

Originally Posted By: LatefortheSky
The day should be nice, not spent being vigilant to not LB.


Also the dragging mistakes of last year into the present.

Also, the fact that it sounds like you are getting mad at me for this is kind of a sign that you probably tend to act like that with your wife. Why so combative? If I'm mistaken, will verbally trouncing me make it better?

Maybe you are right. Maybe because I'm not having any AO's I've tricked myself into thinking I'm not LBing.

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Originally Posted By: LatefortheSky
Maybe you are right. Maybe because I'm not having any AO's I've tricked myself into thinking I'm not LBing.


All I can say is that I personally have done that. I way, WAY underestimated the level of vigilance required, and to be truthful, figuring out when I was being disrespectful completely stumped me for a very long time. I think a lot of my early posts here could be summarized as "I'm not doing anything wrong, so why is my wife so upset?" when the truth was I was absolutely a disrespectful (and angry) jerk.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Yes the other person is the judge of what's a lovebuster.

Hanging a wind chime in the garden is a lovebuster if my spouse finds it annoying - it doesn't matter what I think. You just say 'thanks for letting me know' and you fix it. If I come across as angry, it doesnt matter that I don't think I was or that I didn't mean to be - the other person has told me that is the effect on them.

You can't take a day off from vigilance because it is impossible to read the other person's mind. Marraige is a bit like a two-legged race or two people rowing a boat. It needs constant communication, vigilance and complaint to make sure you're on course. It will be an enjoyable day when you listen carefully, but cheerfully.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Originally Posted By: markos
Originally Posted By: LatefortheSky
Maybe you are right. Maybe because I'm not having any AO's I've tricked myself into thinking I'm not LBing.


All I can say is that I personally have done that. I way, WAY underestimated the level of vigilance required, and to be truthful, figuring out when I was being disrespectful completely stumped me for a very long time. I think a lot of my early posts here could be summarized as "I'm not doing anything wrong, so why is my wife so upset?" when the truth was I was absolutely a disrespectful (and angry) jerk.


Thanks Markos, that is me. At least I see it now, I think, and can work on it. Resentment and pride are the main culprits,
so I have some work ahead of me. I didn't want to admit this even to myself.

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Originally Posted By: indiegirl
Yes the other person is the judge of what's a lovebuster.

Hanging a wind chime in the garden is a lovebuster if my spouse finds it annoying - it doesn't matter what I think. You just say 'thanks for letting me know' and you fix it. If I come across as angry, it doesnt matter that I don't think I was or that I didn't mean to be - the other person has told me that is the effect on them.

You can't take a day off from vigilance because it is impossible to read the other person's mind. Marraige is a bit like a two-legged race or two people rowing a boat. It needs constant communication, vigilance and complaint to make sure you're on course. It will be an enjoyable day when you listen carefully, but cheerfully.

You are right Indie, I took days off. I brought up the past. I now see how this has kept us in the mud.

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