Thanks Prisca! I wasn't sure, thanks for clarifying.

You are taking bits and pieces of Harley's program and trying to make them fit into your box.
First of all, he would not advocate cohabitation. Why? Nearly all end in separation/ breaking up!
Second, you don't make a family and live with your girlfriends parents.
Third, you are not a "spouse" so please stop calling yourself one. I understand you are a guy whose girlfriend cheated on him. But you obviously didn't find her important enough to marry (even after getting her pregnant..which is a "man code" for hundreds of years).

Your best hope is to win her back, try to persuade her to become a "buyer" (meaning you both agree to follow the Policy of Joint Agreement) and become self sufficient.

Oh, and in Plan A exposure is the most important first step.
Exposing cheating in bf/gf relationships doesnt carry the same weight as exposing adultery, but it will help.
Post the OM on www.cheaterville.com and www.playerblock.com and tell your story, not just a one line post. Write that you are going to fight for her and your kid and you want to have a loving family.

You can court her and disapprove of the deception but please remember that you never committed to each other.

She never decided you were the forever guy and you did not make her yours. That automatically keeps the window shopping of other people open for business. so the spouse talk and attitude that she owes you is misplaced. It will also disrupt your wooing because women don't like when men make unilateral decisions that they are theirs.

Indie, Jedi:

You guys are 100% correct. The reason I am on the MB forums is to discuss my situation with people that are not emotionally connected with the relationship, so that I can gain a more objective perspective.

We are making progress, and she is enjoying my company. I can only focus on the positive actions right now in hopes that she will see me as an attractive partner. Yes, she cheated on me, but like you said... we were not married and I was not being a good partner. I know that she was a buyer at the early stages of our relationship, and it was my reluctance to buy into the relationship that has caused all of our problems.

I understand the mistakes that I made. This relationship will further fail if I am not willing to change and forgive her. The worst case would not be that she left me, but that I did not learn anything from this experience. My girlfriend and daughter will always be in my life. I love them with all my heart, and will support them regardless what my girlfriend decides in the end.

I will try to give you guys some more scenarios to expand on.

Thanks MB.

Following this advice will put some dents into their relationship

Hi MBers,

I am sorry that I have not been keeping this thread alive, but I have been BUSY with school and trying to rebuild my relationship with my girlfriend.

My girlfriend is still in the state of conflict, and has shown very little effort in meeting my needs. So, I am a little discouraged at this point. She is still maintaining contact with other man and I am starting realize how most of my efforts aren't going to go very far as long as she continues this behavior. I am starting to strongly believe that I should move out while dating my girlfriend, as well as, helping take care of my daughter until marriage. My girlfriend is being a complete freeloader and I am a little tired of carrying all the weight. I take care of a lot of responsibilities: work, school, laundry, cleaning, cooking, and planning all our dates and family outings. No human being can do all this without some kind of demonstration of gratitude. All I get is a simple thank you, and I am sorry... but that doesn't even make the cut for what I do for my family.

I just wrote the Harleys regarding our living arrangements, and hope to get a reply soon. It will be interesting to get some professional feedback.

What do you all think about my current living arrangement? It's a little complicated with my daughter, but I don't think this is going to develop into marriage. My girlfriend is clearly taking advantage of me and other man to satisfy her needs. HELP ME!!!!

I want to mention that I am terrified of moving out for my daughter's sake. I tear up just thinking about how it would effect her, but I am afraid this relationship is not going to develop into marriage which will be more devastating for her in the long run. So, rationally I believe this is the right move.

I hope Jedi will come and respond to you. I would urge you to talk to an attorney regarding your rights to your daughter, usually the consultation is free.

I've known folks with kids in situations like this, and sometimes the mom makes shared custody very difficult, even though they seek out other bad influences as caretakers because they are overwhelmed. Putting the limited effort they put into life into keeping the child from the father instead of trying prioritizing what the child needs, time with both parents. Would your girlfriend be open to letting you bring your daughter if you move out? You are clearly the one who can give your daughter a better life here.

The topic has come up before during the heat of conflict, and she has claimed to encourage my relationship with our daughter because of the strong relationship she has with hers. In addition, her family that we are housed with strongly believes that we should set our differences aside to ensure my daughter's well-being regardless of the outcome. These are all claims of course, and that is why I am a little nervous to go through with this maneuver.

We have never had to separate before, and I believe that this move will demonstrate some of the realities that my GF hasn't anticipated during her cheating. I am hoping to continue to date her until implementing Plan B by the end of summer though. My GF and I are meeting after she gets off work to resolve some issues, but she doesn't know that I have this move planned. I will detail her responses to see MBers' thoughts and opinions.

Thanks for the support.

Please let us know when you hear back.

No reply from the Harleys yet unfortunately, and we are possibly moving out of the parents' house together this summer. I would love to hear from them before deciding such a big decision. Should I write them again?

I have brought up MBer concepts with my girlfriend and she is interested in reading a book with me. Would you guys recommend a book for us to begin with? I have read BRF, SAA, HNHN, and HNHN for parents, but I am not quite sure where to start with my girlfriend. She is in the state of conflict still and I was able to respectfully discourage her pillow time night calls with OM which has given me some relief from this nightmare.

As an update:

We are continuing to make progress, but efforts are not as effective with OM lurking around as expected. I do believe my efforts using MBer concepts will set the stage when their relationship ends (i.e. competing with OM at this point still).

Last time we had a strong emotional lay it all on the table talk, she said she loved me and saw a future in our relationship; but was having trouble letting go of OM. I validated her feelings and told her that we can take baby steps while she's sorting things out.

She has started to tell me that she loves me out of the blue on occasion lately, and I think this and the giving up the pillow time calls are some new signs of encouragement.

Notify the MODS and they can flag the Harleys. They usually respond pretty quick and so I guess they never received your email.

BrainHurts,

Who and how would I contact MODS????

Vil,
I have read your thread and will contact the Harley's.

Please email me at JustUss2@aol.com

Prior to any separation, you should certainly contact an attorney.
If you were married, the typical advise is for the betrayed husband to stay in the marital home as long as possible. When a betrayed husband separates, that can accelerate the affair and there is always a risk that it will end in divorce.

But, you aren't married; and you are living with her parents.

So, Dr. Harley can offer the best guidance.
But I'm confident he would encourage you to talk to an attorney irregardless of whether you separate or not.

I appreciate everyone's replies, and hope to hear from the Harleys. I will take their feedback and certainly find a lawyer depending if recommended.

Thanks you!

They had a segment on my thread today!

Main points:
1. GET Married
2. Stick it out at the mother's house until school is done.
3. Spend as much time as possible together (UA time).

We are making plans to move out this summer, which the Harleys actually recommended if financially possible as well. Their response validated a lot of my concerns, as well as, brought my spirits up to keep fighting for my family.

Thank you everyone for the support! Keep you guys updated on the move, good, bad and ugly!

I heard that and thought it was very interesting, but at the time I didn't put 2 and 2 together and realize it was you. I remember very specifically Dr. Harley said get married, assuming she will agree to forsake all others. And that this was basically the one thing you hadn't offered, one great thing that you have to offer her. Makes sense.

Maybe others listening to the rebroadcast can offer further comments.