Hello

Im new to this forum. In recent months I discovered that mu husband and baby's father has cheating on me. I am no angel myself as I had been in contact with someone from my past. When I found out my husband was cheating on me I came out and told him about the ex lover. He became upset but we agreed to work thru it. About a week later valentine's day of all days, I find out that he was still speaking with her. I let him know that I would forgive him agget thru this and move on with our relationship. I really meant it but apparently he didnt. I just found out that not only was he speaking with her still but he also was sexting. I feel so betrayed and depressed I dont know what to do. I dont have any friends who r married and my mom recently passed away who was my rock. I finally decided to reach out thru here. Can someone pleade help shed some light to the situation. Forgot to mention one thing this girl lived in another country. He met her on vacation thst I could not go to.

Welcome to MB and I'm sorry for your pain.

Is the OW married?

Was your OM married? Have you stopped talking with the OM?

Also, how old are the both of you?
How long have you been married? How old and how many kids?

Please read these. SAA-Start Here First

Sorry don't know the abbreviations too well. She is not married. The ex lover is not married but he has a girlfriend. And yes I had stopped talking to him since I told my husband. I don't know if I should end our marriage especially since this is the 3rd time i catch him with in the last 5 months. He keeps saying he wants to work things out but he has said that in the past and lied to my face.

My husband is 29 and i am 27. We have one daughter who is 3 years old. We haven't been married for long it will be 2 years this August but have been together for 5 years.

Did you read the links I posted to you? Especially the Exposure 101 link.

Does he work with OW?

tinkerbell

Welcome to MB and I'm sorry for what has brought you here but we are happy you found us. As you know even though the OW is in another country he is still having an affair and it hurts just the same.

I assume you guys lived together before getting married but please confirm that for me. What made you guys choose to marry 2 years ago?

If you haven't gone through the links above that is going to be your first step. If you and you H haven't exposed your affairs that is the next step as the links will explain how. Once everything is out then you need to take steps to cut off this woman. In this case it will mean him allowing you to go through his phone and deleting her contact information and then changing his number so she can't contact him.

This is something you can not give your H anytime think about because he will right her contact information down before he gives you his phone so he can contact her later. You can not allow him access to his phone bill because he can use that as well to get her number. Bringing the affair into the light through exposer should help jot him out of the trance but he can slip back if he is allowed to contact her or worse if she contacts him. If you don't have access to his social media then you should because he may be contacting her there as well, when you have access to his phone make sure you go through his apps to make sure he has no other app that he may be using to contact her.

Until the affair is dead and buried you have no hope of saving your marriage.

By the way here is a great article to explain some of what you have been going through if you lived together before getting married.

Tinkerbell,

The ex lover is not married but he has a girlfriend.

Apologize to the girlfriend, let her know that her boyfriend is unfaithful, then delete any ex-boyfriends or lovers from your facebook, phone and other forms of contact. Did your WH know of this ex of yours?

God Bless
Gamma

This will help. Abbreviations and Acronyms

Do you have the book Surviving an Affair?

Yes we did live together before marrying. He originally proposed to me a year after dating. We were planning our wedding then I got pregnant. We decided to postpone the wedding until after my daughter was born. When my daughter was 1 we decided to get married. I know it's not healthy for a marriage if the 2 people live together before getting married but when I got pregnant just seemed like the right thing to do. I feel like I have been distancing myself from my husband since I found out he was still talking to the OW. He tells me that maybe we should separate for a bit. Not sure how I feel about that. What do u think about us separating. What that be smart. As far as exposing the affair I feel embarrassed since I kinda cheated on him too by having an emotional relationship with the ex lover.

Yes I did but I feel very uneasy about exposing the affair since I kinda cheated on him as well not physically but emotionally with ex lover. He mentioned separating for a bit since I have been distancing myself from him. Not sure how I feel about that. What do u think. Would that be smart?

You still expose your WH's A even though you had an EA (emotional A). The reason he wants to separate is so he can pursue his A.

You have to understand that you are not exposing the affair to punish him, you are doing it to save your marriage. And even though you H might feel like you are punishing him that is not the case you are doing this to save your marriage. I wish there was a way to skip that step but their is not, it must happen if you want to save you marriage.

In your exposure you can mention your affair also and so you're essentially exposing yourself.

If he wants to continue his A I'm not going to stop him. I just be around for him to cheat on me again. Like I mentioned before the OW lives in another country. Plus he would be staying his mom's house. Will this be a mistake because I feel like I need my space as well.

Do you want to just divorce him?

No I don't I really want to Work things out but at the same time I don't want to be with someone that wants to pursue an affair I have too much pride for that. To me that means that he doesn't love me anymore and doesn't want to be with me.

If he is willing to end his affair and write a NC Letter to the OW and live by EPs(extraordinary precautions) and gives you just compensation. Would you want to try and work it out?

If you want to work on your marriage a separation isn't a good thing for a marriage.

If you want to divorce him then it's totally your prerogative.

He told me he is not speaking to her anymore. He doesn't have any social media accounts besides fantasy teams. I told him to prove it and the only way is to see the phone statements. So separation for a week to sort thru my emotions is wrong?

You need to expose his affair.