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Joined: Jun 2014
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April78 Offline OP
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Just popping in to reply; I won't be available for a couple days and didn't want you to think I was ignoring you.

My husband has many friends from his youth that live in the same relative area that the OW does. Most of them do not have contact with her but she can contact them if she wanted to. She was his gf in his early 20's and they have quite a bit of overlapping history. One woman is still friends with her but no longer lives in the same area. This woman was kinda the go between for H and the OW by which I mean they both discussed the affair w her electronically. I'd like H to no longer talk to her, though I don't think the friend has vested interest in helping the affair to continue, I really don't want him even discussing it w her. This friend has not contacted my H thus far but I think we should contact her, tell her the affair is done and respectfully cut off ties.

As far as all of your questions as to what I'm going to do and when regarding his contact info , I am not sure yet but will let you know.

Enjoy your weekend.

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I can guarantee WH would be very interested in this thread if he found out about it. And it he found out and told OW, she would be WILDLY interested in it.

All the more reason to make sure the path never goes there.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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April, I agree with your plan about the so called "friend" who was the go between. She is an enemy to your marriage and should be persona non grata. As far as his other friends who are affiliated with skanky, I would make sure they know about the affair so they can help hold him accountable. He might want to forgo passing around his new cell # to anyone who knows her.

These friends also have to understand that you and your husband can never attend any of the same events as the OW. Telling them the truth now prevents such embarrassing situations.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by April78
And humans are curious. My heart would pound if I got a letter or call from her. I'm sure his would too, for different reasons. And he's mentioned how he feels bad that he hurt her. So I can imagine him thinking, " What's the harm in answering? I'll just tell her not to call." And she'll plead with him. And he'll say he's sorry. Yaddy yaddy yadda.

My husband and I have had this conversation. I've expressed to him that he needs to know that even if he feels he doesn't want contact with her, he can't predict how he will behave the moment he hears from her.

You need to understand its an addiction. Before NC my WW told me she just needed to see the OM even from afar to ensure he is ok because he was playing a victim and she noticed he had been losing alot of weight when the A was exposed, etc.

She didn't even consider how this would affect me because she was so worried about her addiciton and getting that fix.

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Originally Posted by April78
My husband has many friends from his youth that live in the same relative area that the OW does. Most of them do not have contact with her but she can contact them if she wanted to. She was his gf in his early 20's and they have quite a bit of overlapping history. One woman is still friends with her but no longer lives in the same area. This woman was kinda the go between for H and the OW by which I mean they both discussed the affair w her electronically.

It is extremely dangerous for you H to be on FB. Much more than the normal WS.

Given all of these triggers and loopholes and the fact that you said your H hasn't had any signs of withdrawal after a 4 yr affair + lack of exposure, I am very suspicious that there is still C.

The fact that a lot of corners are being cut signals to me that your H has convinced you that the OW is not a risk. Which is actually a red flag.


Ddays 2007 and 2011
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Because you skipped some EPs your husband is trying to reignite the affair. I apologize if that wasn't your email question on Fridays show. You should come back and post.

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Originally Posted by TranquilDark
Because you skipped some EPs your husband is trying to reignite the affair.

So true. Loopholes in the EP's are deadly. If the wayward spouse isn't ready to do them, then trouble is likely to follow.

At some point, both parties have to buy fully into the program. Until they do, it doesn't work.

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