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Jedi_Knight #2812812 08/01/14 09:21 PM
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Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
You have not answered the question I keep asking: Have you read Surviving an Affair by Dr. Willard Harley?


Oh I am sorry. I have started to read it.

garak77 #2812813 08/01/14 09:22 PM
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That book needs to be your guidebook through this.

Jedi_Knight #2812814 08/01/14 09:23 PM
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Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Originally Posted by gmsisko1
The last affair ended about 6 weeks ago. The last affair was exposed to the Other mans wife.

The other affairs are long over.
Thanks everyone for all your help.

You should expose this affair to all family and friends, clergy and same on the OM side.
How did you expose to the OM wife? Did you personally speak with her?

Have you read Surviving an Affair? That book is a manual for surviving an affair and you need to be very familiar with the plan in there as the steps must be followed without deviation.

As for your exposure, have you exposed to family and friends or only the OM wife?

Jedi_Knight #2812815 08/01/14 09:24 PM
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Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Originally Posted by gmsisko1
I myself spoke to the most recent OM's W.

Is it a good idea to expose to the first mans wife even though no contact has been made for almost 2 years?

Should I avoid mentioning the affair to my W even though I am hurting a great deal?

Yes, you should expose the affair to the first mans wife. She has a right to know that her husband is unfaithful and you have a moral obligation to inform her (otherwise she is at risk of AIDS etc from a cheating husband)


I see what you are saying. My wife is afraid he might become violent, or seek some type of revenge.

And sorry about not answering your other question. I have started to read surviving an affair.

garak77 #2812816 08/01/14 09:28 PM
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Sir, exposure is to be done without your wifes knowledge or consent

Jedi_Knight #2812827 08/01/14 10:14 PM
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I know, but I don't see this the same, because this affair was long over.
Also, The first OM's wife suffers from depression, and she has a drinking problem.
I don't just want to expose this without giving the consequences some thought.
I know the OM is a POS, and if it were legal and moral, I'd like to teach him some manners.
I mean how can anyone sleep with another mans wife?
I have lost so much faith in humanity.

My wife is trying to get my 4 year old to sleep, then she will come spend time with me, and we will soon go to sleep together. In a couple hours my son will wake up and start crying, at which point my W will go sleep with him.
I feel cheated and hurt in this manner, and I have raised this concern with her, and she doesn't seem to give this issue enough effort.

I'm trying to get in the correct frame of mind to spend time with my wife, I think I'm half way there now

garak77 #2812838 08/01/14 10:46 PM
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Sir,
2 years ago is not "long over."
And YOU are not this womans god, in a place to determine if it is good for her to know the truth of her husbands affairs.

Quit making excuses and tell the poor lady.

garak77 #2812865 08/02/14 06:54 AM
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You need to tell the poor BW of OM. She has a right to know the truth about her life and what your WW did to her. She probably knows something is wrong, but doesn't know what.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



garak77 #2812869 08/02/14 07:22 AM
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Originally Posted by gmsisko1
Also, The first OM's wife suffers from depression, .


Well of course she does!! You remember what it was like before DDay - knowing something was up, but not sure what. Believing every crazy thing the wayward says because you don't know they are wayward. Thinking you are crazy and it is all your fault?

You can give her a magic bullet with the truth. Why are you complying with a conspiracy to keep her ignorant and downtrodden?

Just imagine if she was the one who knew and you did not.




What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

garak77 #2812870 08/02/14 07:23 AM
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Originally Posted by gmsisko1
I know, but I don't see this the same, because this affair was long over.

Dr H says to expose affairs even if they have been over for 20 years. An affair that has been dead some time is WORSE because it is the affair + 2years or 20years of lies and distrust.

You and I both know that you just don't want to rock your own boat but you couldn't be more wrong. If your wife still has victims who remain in suffering she will never move into recovery with you.


Last edited by indiegirl; 08/02/14 07:26 AM.

What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

Jedi_Knight #2812932 08/02/14 01:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Originally Posted by gmsisko1
The last affair ended about 6 weeks ago. The last affair was exposed to the Other mans wife.

The other affairs are long over.
Thanks everyone for all your help.

You should expose this affair to all family and friends, clergy and same on the OM side.
How did you expose to the OM wife? Did you personally speak with her?

Have you read Surviving an Affair? That book is a manual for surviving an affair and you need to be very familiar with the plan in there as the steps must be followed without deviation.

As for your exposure, have you exposed to family and friends or only the OM wife?

I only exposed to the OM's W not the family.
I'm not sure I could expose more of the OM, because I don't know the info, and my wife no longer has him on FB.

indiegirl #2812933 08/02/14 01:59 PM
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Originally Posted by indiegirl
Originally Posted by gmsisko1
Also, The first OM's wife suffers from depression, .


Well of course she does!! You remember what it was like before DDay - knowing something was up, but not sure what. Believing every crazy thing the wayward says because you don't know they are wayward. Thinking you are crazy and it is all your fault?

You can give her a magic bullet with the truth. Why are you complying with a conspiracy to keep her ignorant and downtrodden?

You are correct. I will expose on my next day off. Thank you

Just imagine if she was the one who knew and you did not.

garak77 #2812938 08/02/14 03:23 PM
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Originally Posted by gmsisko1
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Originally Posted by gmsisko1
The last affair ended about 6 weeks ago. The last affair was exposed to the Other mans wife.

The other affairs are long over.
Thanks everyone for all your help.

You should expose this affair to all family and friends, clergy and same on the OM side.
How did you expose to the OM wife? Did you personally speak with her?

Have you read Surviving an Affair? That book is a manual for surviving an affair and you need to be very familiar with the plan in there as the steps must be followed without deviation.

As for your exposure, have you exposed to family and friends or only the OM wife?

I only exposed to the OM's W not the family.
I'm not sure I could expose more of the OM, because I don't know the info, and my wife no longer has him on FB.
You know his name, correct?

Why can't you look up his name on Facebook yourself or a spokeo check?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2813320 08/05/14 11:44 AM
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Well I can be sure OM's W exposed to the bitter end. I know her sister knows.
My wife told her own mother and sister and brother on her own.
(My W told her own family herself)

garak77 #2813321 08/05/14 11:45 AM
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Question,
How do you subscribe to a thread here?

garak77 #2813374 08/05/14 02:08 PM
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Originally Posted by gmsisko1
Well I can be sure OM's W exposed to the bitter end. I know her sister knows.
My wife told her own mother and sister and brother on her own.
(My W told her own family herself)


That's not exposure. Exposure comes from the BS and involves asking for help and support.

Originally Posted by gmsisko1
Question,
How do you subscribe to a thread here?


What do you mean?



What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

indiegirl #2813375 08/05/14 02:15 PM
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Thank you for your answers. I don't want or need support from OM's family, I never want to hear their name again.
Getting support from my family just can't happen now because of my mom calling defax.
I do have some friends that I rely on though.
I think my W is doing the right things aside from her anger issues.

As for your other question, you should be able to subscribe to a thread on MB,
(That allows you to find it easily) I am not able to figure out how to subscribe though.)

garak77 #2813380 08/05/14 02:29 PM
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Originally Posted by gmsisko1
Question,
How do you subscribe to a thread here?

Okay, the system does not call them threads; it calls them Topics.
Click on the thread you want to subscribe to.
On the upper left corner, click "Topic Options"
Click add Topic to Watch list.

To find the thread after logging in, click "My Stuff" on top of forum screen.
Click "Watch List"
Select Watched Topics and you will see the thread you subscribed to.


garak77 #2813390 08/05/14 03:13 PM
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Originally Posted by gmsisko1
Thank you for your answers. I don't want or need support from OM's family, I never want to hear their name again.
Getting support from my family just can't happen now because of my mom calling defax.
I do have some friends that I rely on though.
I think my W is doing the right things aside from her anger issues.

As for your other question, you should be able to subscribe to a thread on MB,
(That allows you to find it easily) I am not able to figure out how to subscribe though.)
Exposure to OM's side isn't about support for you. It's about his family putting pressure on him to end the affair and possibly help keep him keep NC with your WW and hold OM accountable.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2813402 08/05/14 04:13 PM
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Thank you,
I tried the watch topic thing, then it doesn't appear under subscribed topics.
(Wierd, maybe it's because I'm using an iPad.)

I am 99% sure there is no contact between wife and OM.

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