As for the NC letter, she has to be willing to really go NC which means blocking any possibility of his responding by changing her contact details. This is necessary and a red flag if she doesn't want to.



I'd say there's a difference between stopping provision and actually taking something off her she views as her own. Not saying you were wrong or that it was a misstep ( it shows you care at least and it is a confident boundary) but it will get a stronger reaction and might not look great if it ever gets to a court, controlling her access to communication etc.

If she busts the place up again call the police and get it logged as a domestic violence incident. Also, get a recorder on yourself as it is very common for WWs to cry wolf and a recorder protects you from false claims. The more incidents you log showing yourself as the peaceful one the more of a hole she digs herself. You don't want her calling the cops one day and them discovering you in the midst of damaged furniture and being blamed.

Markos and I disagree somewhat on this because we were looking at the problem differently. I was thinking of emptying the Home of her addiction (much like you would dump alcohol for an alcoholic), but Markos is thinking about what it takes to win a hostile wife back.

Considering that Markos has succeeded in doing just that, I suggest you put more weight on his advice than mine. If you are in doubt, you can contact Dr. Harley for free at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com.

I spent the last few days reviewing my tactics, attitude and behavior. After reading SAA I employed the removal, as best as possible, love busters and made attempt's to support her EN and also attempted to make at least known my EN's.

The results have been mixed. During her continuing EA whilst it remained underground we actually got along better. Although I never was made privy about what they were talking about until recently I was still aware it was not over yet continued on anyway.

I avoided selfish demands, judgmental remarks and most other LB's. We'd talk as if it was all over as she used past tense terms in regards to him as well as lying about some of the things they talked about. Regardless, I made the effort anyway.

Sometimes though when I tried to communicate my feelings I was met with comments that were beyond hurtful and intentional. After paving the way to meet her EN's about self fulfillment and availability to explore these apparent avenues of need and they were either ignored, abandoned or eventually dismissed. Lots of things I used to do that made her angry she now does with little regard or memory about how she reacted in the past. Point of view or metaphor's are also equally futile.

I am still locked or blacked out of her communications circle and feel as if I am getting the most bare minimum of affection. It seems like I am the only one who is doing the heavy lifting.

to make matters even worse I took a 30k pay cut to switch shifts as I needed to ensure that I got in the way of her affair, to take proper care of the children as they were basically ignored and prepare for her statement of wanting a divorce, went from 2nd to 1st shift. Now, even after taking an emergency 401k loan out the financial storm is just around the corner. Our primary Vehicle just broke down, oil season is just around the corner and the calls just keep coming from late payments that are due.

This is on top of being switched to not only a new shift but new position due to the shift change, still being the primary source of income, and the caretaker of the households frequent chores and damn near everything else.

Staying the course on this is testing me near my limit.

Have you asked your doctor for some ADs? Dr. Harley strongly recommends while going through this horrible period.

Will you make an appointment?

Although I think it would help in the short term I fear it would only mask the problems thru a veil of medicated state of mind. And reading over these forums makes me feels like I need to stay sharp.

I do however find the UA part to be beyond difficult to achieve as the 15 hour minimum just doesn't seem possible right now, I know, not the attitude to have. But we work different shifts most the week, and on our off time she is either disengaged or I am consumed with doing house work that simply needs to be done. I am up at 4:30 am and on the go until at least 11 sometimes. I asked her to change jobs to a more productive for us shift as I do by default make the larger income and cannot find a equivalent in pay anywhere.

And truth be told, I am so starving for companionship right now that I often imagine what it'd be like with someone I see out in public and find myself envious of couples who I encounter or observe. And yes, I have told her this and she seems to have the same attitude as I in regards to our lifestyle situation, lack of time and money.....So which one takes priority.

How in the hell did this get so bad?!!

You don't understand what medication does. Far from zombifying you, it restores your brain to a normal state, so you can make clear-minded decisions about your life. Yes, the need is temporary. You have undergone a major neurological trauma. Brain scans show actual physiological changes when people have these kind of experiences. You are not sharp now; you are the walking wounded. Avail yourself of the help medication can offer. I did, and it made the world of difference.