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I forgot to mention. The things I wanted my wife to change are the following.

Selfish Demands
Disrespectful Judgments
Angry Outbursts
Independent Behavior


As you mention, these are all LB. I don't feel we have any chance if she is not willing to change them.

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Originally Posted by FightingForLove
I forgot to mention. The things I wanted my wife to change are the following.

Selfish Demands
Disrespectful Judgments
Angry Outbursts
Independent Behavior


As you mention, these are all LB. I don't feel we have any chance if she is not willing to change them.

All of that can be overcome. What can't be overcome is your choice to not expose. On that basis I agree you should just give up.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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True Melody, I believed she could overcome those when I first started dating her and married her. I did see some small changes over the years which is why I kept trying. However she's recently had a total reversion, actually probably much worse than I feel she initially was.

I'm still not totally sure with my decision. I just don't have the confidence at this moment that exposing would make her want to change those LB.

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Originally Posted by FightingForLove
True Melody, I believed she could overcome those when I first started dating her and married her. I did see some small changes over the years which is why I kept trying. However she's recently had a total reversion, actually probably much worse than I feel she initially was.

I'm still not totally sure with my decision. I just don't have the confidence at this moment that exposing would make her want to change those LB.

I don't think you have experience saving marriages though, so you wouldn't be the best judge of what could or couldn't work. But that is fine. You are free to reject the advice.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by FightingForLove
Actually she has already told some of her family, and from as far as I can tell it's the truth. I'm just figuring the right way to tell my kids. Her family knows there's nothing they can do to change her mind. They also feel it's in my best interest to take the kids and move on. She does not blame me for the break up. It's pretty clear to her family. I don't feel she will try that.

Why don't I want to expose to her work? It would be a huge financial impact to me and the kids. Right now she's willing to work with me to make sure I can continue to provide a stable life to the kids. At least that part she's willing to work with. Also there are at least 2 OM that I know of. One is the co-worker who is a friend with benefits. He already knows she is going to continue having relations with random strangers and may make more FWB. The second OM was a random guy she met at a bar. I can tell she is really having a great time and enjoying herself. And she intends on doing much more. She has decided to stop telling me anymore, and I don't want to know anymore. I don't intend to spend my life tracking and following her. She is good looking enough that she gets hit on all the time. She will have no problems getting guys want no strings fun. So I feel exposing her at work has nothing to gain for me and everything to loose. If you have a different view please share it with me.

I do feel that I will want to push for a no contact with other while the children is with her to be specifically listed in the terms of the custody.

I'm planning out my plan B. I don't want to be around her anymore. I'm starting to fear that seeing her of thinking about her will give me a STD. I cant even bring myself to touch her anymore.

Thanks so far for all the additional brain storming.


If she is picking up random men from bars for sex then you should seek full custody with no visitation for her.
In her present state of mind, she may be willing to sign the kids over to you.
Have you considered seeking full custody?

It sounds like she will become a bar fly and spiral downward fast. You need to protect your kids from that kind of behavior.

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Yes, I have considered and want full custody. However my understand is that is rarely granted from the courts, is that correct? She is not willing to give full custody, however she's willing to grant pretty close. During her weekends she will only be keeping the kids for the day and they will return to the house with me at night.

Yes, I want to limit their exposure to her as much as I can.

I'm trying to look into legal details on court decisions of custody and how much proof is needed.

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I have not rejected the advice. I'm just trying to fully understand it.

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Originally Posted by FightingForLove
True Melody, I believed she could overcome those when I first started dating her and married her. I did see some small changes over the years which is why I kept trying. However she's recently had a total reversion, actually probably much worse than I feel she initially was.

I'm still not totally sure with my decision. I just don't have the confidence at this moment that exposing would make her want to change those LB.

You really really need to expose. It worked for my WW.

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Originally Posted by FightingForLove
Yes, I have considered and want full custody. However my understand is that is rarely granted from the courts, is that correct? She is not willing to give full custody, however she's willing to grant pretty close. During her weekends she will only be keeping the kids for the day and they will return to the house with me at night.

Yes, I want to limit their exposure to her as much as I can.

I'm trying to look into legal details on court decisions of custody and how much proof is needed.

You are wasting your time. Speak to an attorney.

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gmsisko1,

Thank you for your reassurance. I read your thread. I'm sorry you also have to be in a similar situation. I hope you my best wishes.

Melody, I've done lots of additional reading and understand that this is what I need to do. I've gotten all my letters prepared. I'm still tracking down a few more people to be ready for d day.

I do have a question maybe someone can help me with. In order for me to expose to work I will likely have to deliver the letters in person. As long as I'm calm and don't pose a threat would I have any issues? The wife may go into a rage, however I hope the company will do what they need to handle the situation.

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I am setting some consultations to find an attorney in the event of worse case scenario.

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Get that attorney lined up, in some states the judges are given wide latitude with custody, support payments, etc. So you shouldn't be relying on what you read, it is what you can prove in court.
Get a pitbull attorney!

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Originally Posted by FightingForLove
gmsisko1,

Thank you for your reassurance. I read your thread. I'm sorry you also have to be in a similar situation. I hope you my best wishes.

Melody, I've done lots of additional reading and understand that this is what I need to do. I've gotten all my letters prepared. I'm still tracking down a few more people to be ready for d day.

I do have a question maybe someone can help me with. In order for me to expose to work I will likely have to deliver the letters in person. As long as I'm calm and don't pose a threat would I have any issues? The wife may go into a rage, however I hope the company will do what they need to handle the situation.

A better way is to email the exposure letters or send them certified.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I realize traditionally that would be the best. However in my situation it might not work very well. I don't want to go over the details in public Melody. If you wish to private message me I would like to discuss the issue further and understand if I'm making the best decision.

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Originally Posted by FightingForLove
gmsisko1,

Thank you for your reassurance. I read your thread. I'm sorry you also have to be in a similar situation. I hope you my best wishes.

Melody, I've done lots of additional reading and understand that this is what I need to do. I've gotten all my letters prepared. I'm still tracking down a few more people to be ready for d day.

I do have a question maybe someone can help me with. In order for me to expose to work I will likely have to deliver the letters in person. As long as I'm calm and don't pose a threat would I have any issues? The wife may go into a rage, however I hope the company will do what they need to handle the situation.

I would send the letters by certified mail.
I cant think of any scenerio where you would need to personally deliver them

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Also, post the OM on www.cheaterville.com

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Jedi Knight. thanks I will post to cheterville on day of exposure. If you wish to contact me PM I would like to hear you thought after I explain my reason.

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Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
[quote=FightingForLove]gmsisko1,


I would send the letters by certified mail.
I cant think of any scenerio where you would need to personally deliver them

I did some additional checking and it looks like I might be able to ensure delivery if I send through USPS with Restricted Delivery. Does anyone know if they will validate identification with that option?

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Originally Posted by FightingForLove
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
[quote=FightingForLove]gmsisko1,


I would send the letters by certified mail.
I cant think of any scenerio where you would need to personally deliver them

I did some additional checking and it looks like I might be able to ensure delivery if I send through USPS with Restricted Delivery. Does anyone know if they will validate identification with that option?

I would ask the Post Office that question.

Are you concerned about the letter being intercepted?
If so, are you in the USA? You can go to your State Secretary of State website and there should be a link for Business Filings. Click on that section and type in the name of the business; it should show you the officers of the company with mailing addresses. It should also show a "registered agent," and you can send the letter there also. The Registered Agent is often the corporate attorney.

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Originally Posted by FightingForLove
Jedi Knight. thanks I will post to cheterville on day of exposure. If you wish to contact me PM I would like to hear you thought after I explain my reason.

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