Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#2817593 08/29/14 10:38 AM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 266
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 266
I first visited this site after I got pregnant after an A. So many of you gave me the advice I needed to save my M, despite insurmountable odds against me...an OC, an OM fighting to keep OC (and me) in his life, an angry BH, visitation/custody issues, court battles... Just thinking about the drama makes my pulse race.

However, God has a way of restoring things, and He certainly gave me a miracle that I didn't deserve. After working really hard to bring romance and trust back into my M, and following Dr. H's advice to a T, I am happy to say that my M is beautiful and passionate. I've set strict but healthy boundaries for myself. The OM left for good after he realized that OC was not going to get him access to me, and best of all (here's the miracle), we discovered that OC's DNA test results were faked by OM. BH is indeed the bio-dad.

Yes, we kind of went broke from the court battle, and yes, our M took a hard hit and I was an emotional wreck for a long time. But when finally BH and I both invested in love building instead of love busting, things took an amazing turn emotionally for us. And a chance DNA test on our own showed OC to be ours, not from the A. Personally, I wondered if it was a gift from God to my BH for all he went through. smile

So, I wanted to share that with those who followed my thread, supported me, bashed me (cuz I needed it back then!), and guided me to this place. I seriously don't know where I'd be without you all... I shiver to think about it.


Me: WW
BH
DD(4)
DS(2)
DD(1)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 18
N
Junior Member
Offline
Junior Member
N
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 18
welcome back W
you said OM fake it ? how this is possible never seen this scenario before


non
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,432
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,432
Originally Posted By: nakxd
welcome back W
you said OM fake it ? how this is possible never seen this scenario before
It would be easy. He just has to submit a sample of the real father's DNA in place of his own.


me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 18
N
Junior Member
Offline
Junior Member
N
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 18
how did he get the dna of the real father ? O_o


non
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,434
Likes: 7
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,434
Likes: 7
It's much more likely that he submitted his own DNA and that of a close relative - maybe he has another child. What surprises me is that the court did not order a supervised test before enforcing contact with this man.


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,434
Likes: 7
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,434
Likes: 7
Originally Posted By: wanthealing
To recap my story, I'm a WW who got pregnant with OM's child. My BH wanted to stay with me despite what I did and raise OC together.

Well, after a long court battle, OM won rights to OC and now we must all raise OC together while I maintain NC with OM.

The court actually put your child through visitation with a complete stranger on the basis of an unsupervised DNA test? Surely someone somewhere should be called to account for this.

It beggars belief that OM took your child for visits and had sole custody of her on those dates when he knew that the child was not his. If he as unstable enough to do that, then he could have harmed her in any number of ways. I wonder how long he was hoping to keep up the charade.

Have you had the court order revoked on the grounds of your new evidence? Don't you need to correct any official records that show OM as her father? I presume there was a legal judgement about this after the faked DNA test. Don't the courts have any issue with him for doing this?


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 266
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 266
The DNA test could have had his saliva on both swabs, or he could have tampered with the paper print-out, since we never got an official test done. As far as the courts, we never got far enough for a court-ordered test. We thought his test was valid and couldn't afford to keep fighting in court, so we agreed to visitation as long as I was not to ever see OM. That lasted a few months before OM backed out. We made a new agreement that revoked visitation and haven't seen him since. It amazes me how things worked out, but I thank God daily for his grace!


Me: WW
BH
DD(4)
DS(2)
DD(1)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
This can be a lesson for future cases to always get a verified result; 2 tests by two labs

Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
Originally Posted By: Jedi_Knight
This can be a lesson for future cases to always get a verified result; 2 tests by two labs


Yes this exactly.

Why would anyone trust an OM, a liar and a cheat.

Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Originally Posted By: Jedi_Knight
This can be a lesson for future cases to always get a verified result; 2 tests by two labs


Paternity testing should have a "chain of custody" to ensure they haven't been tampered with. As far as I know, the courts in my state won't accept any DNA test that didn't follow a chain of custody. Home test kits won't fly.

"What does chain of custody mean?

The chain of custody process is what makes DDCs paternity test results legally defensible in courts and other government agencies. It involves three main aspects:


The tested parties are properly identified when their samples are collected. (Their government-issued IDs are verified and photocopied.)

The samples are collected by a neutral third partysomeone who has no personal interest in the outcome of the test (e.g., a hospital, clinic, or laboratory staff person).

The samples are tamper-taped, securely packaged at the collection site, and carefully inspected upon receipt for any evidence of tampering.

When these requirements are satisfied and documented, a paternity tests results are legally defensible. This means that the patients can use them for legal purposes such as child custody, child support, immigration, and more."


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,434
Likes: 7
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,434
Likes: 7
I'm puzzled over why you had to fight at all in the courts.

He went to court for visitation. You should have done nothing and spent little or no money until and unless a court ordered your child to have a DNA test. You didn't have to spent any money to defend yourself, surely. Did he actually take you to court? What did a judge order you to do?

You seem to have first, spent a lot of time fighting him when he had no right to claim that the child of a marriage was his, and second, to have given in when that became too much - all on his word that his DNA test proved that your child was his.

I'm just really, really puzzled! And appalled, because you gave him sole access to your child for "visitation" without a judge's say-so.

I know what's done is done and this came out all right so we should just be happy, but we should make sure the details of your errors are known for any other OC parent who comes here. Indeed, weren't you warned as soon as you came here not to agree to anything without a court order?

As for the DNA test: he could not have put his own DNA on both samples, because the test would have come 100% matched, which no parent and child can ever be. A child carries roughly half the DNA of one parent and half the other. He must have obtained a sample from a relative that he was only half related to - a parent or a child. A sibling would have been too close a match.


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,148
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,148
Originally Posted By: SugarCane


As for the DNA test: he could not have put his own DNA on both samples, because the test would have come 100% matched, which no parent and child can ever be. A child carries roughly half the DNA of one parent and half the other. He must have obtained a sample from a relative



Is there any possibility that you could take him to court for purposely faking this DNA-test so that he would have to pay your expenses? Like with a no cure no pay lawyer?


me, DH
all the children
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Originally Posted By: happyheart
Originally Posted By: SugarCane


As for the DNA test: he could not have put his own DNA on both samples, because the test would have come 100% matched, which no parent and child can ever be. A child carries roughly half the DNA of one parent and half the other. He must have obtained a sample from a relative




Is there any possibility that you could take him to court for purposely faking this DNA-test so that he would have to pay your expenses? Like with a no cure no pay lawyer?


He should be arrested for perjury if he told the court that it was a true test

Last edited by Jedi_Knight; 09/16/14 11:45 PM.
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 266
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 266
Sorry it took me so long to reply. The progression of events is pretty complicated. OM took us to court several times, but my BH and I barely "won" on technicalities (without prejudice, the judge called it), which meant OM could keep coming back...and he did.

The reason the court approved a paternity test request was because no one usually requests one--it's normally the opposite where a man doesn't want to take one. So, our attny suggested we take one, but it was up to us to submit it. It was an at-home test that BH administered with OM, so I don't know where the DNA came from--it could have been anyone's. It's not like the DNA knows who is submitting it; it merely acknowledges a biological relationship, so OM could have borrowed two other people's DNA and put that in the test kit. Regardless, my BH wanted to do it only to get rid of OM once and for all. Even if OC turned out to be OM's, BH figured we could rake him for child support, which would hopefully deter him. Eventually BH's plan worked when OM got no contact with me and was paying for a kid he didn't want.

As for taking OM to court for perjury, no way! He is gone, and we want to keep it that way. Bringing him to court could only complicate things and introduce him into our lives. We're happy and back to normal, so I don't want to drudge up the past by going back to court. Money isn't enough reason to bring on more drama.


Me: WW
BH
DD(4)
DS(2)
DD(1)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
The lesson to be learned for any similar case is to only have testing done at a lab and not at home with drugstore kits.

Obviously the samples were tampered with and not factual.

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 266
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 266
True. Definitely a lesson we wish we would have learned sooner.

Although the biggest lesson for us was maintaining no contact and making things as difficult for OM as possible. NC was the primary reason OM walked away--that, along with child support. If any other WS with OCs run into a similar issue, give no mercy!


Me: WW
BH
DD(4)
DS(2)
DD(1)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)


Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 16 guests, and 67 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Ella Paradis, Lethabo, Livn1dayAtaTime, widup, Reggg
71,683 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,528
Posts2,322,563
Members71,682
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5