I do have her cell phone number. I kept that info when I found it and had her blocked. I know she has mentioned to my husband that she has other cells she could use to call him, but I have been checking the account and there has been no activity on that front.

All communication is currently through Skype or Facebook messenger. I have been able to find both of those passwords and probably have most of the conversations from those interactions copied and saved.

She is really paranoid about me tracking all of those conversations and messing with his facebook settings. My husband told her he changed the password and that I am not. And I am not messing with his facebook settings, but am tracking on the conversations. She has taken to deleting all the conversations when they are done, so I need to be at a computer copying and pasting while things are happening or they are gone...I do believe I have most everything.

To his credit, my husband has been pretty forthcoming about what he is doing and if he is receiving communication from her. Several times he has told me he would like to respond and asked if he could...

You have your H's FB password? That's great. Log in and get the OW's FB contacts pasted onto a word document for exposure.

I'm shocked that you are acting so "okay" with your H's communication with the OW. He's doing it blatantly and you are acting as though it's okay. Please help him by exposing the affair and demanding that all contact end.

My mother is a dysfunctional mess. I know she loves me and my siblings, but she has some serious issues she has never worked. through. She is down on my brother's marriage as well and they actually have a great marriage.

I think that a big part of the issue is that my mother likes to control and she sees my husband as a threat to that control of me.

They bring out the worst in each other and I am often caught in the middle.

My marriage has definitely not been all roses and I let myself get too wrapped up in raising our kids. But, I never wanted it to come to this and I really can't see how breaking up the marriage would bring good to anybody (especially the kids)

Your efforts right now should be on killing the affair, or the affair will certainly break up your marriage. Or, if your marriage manages to survive the affair and it's swept under the rug with unconditional forgiveness, it will be a crippled version of the pre-affair marriage.

There are multiple steps that need to be accomplished so you don't need to worry at the moment about divorce.

Your most effective weapon you have to kill the affair is widespread exposure. Use the weapons you have at your disposal.

Initially, I just wanted him to be able to have a friend to talk to. His best friend in our town died last year of a massive heart attack.

He told me that someone had contacted him and wanted to talk about poetry through messaging and asked if I was ok with that, and I was.

He came to me and told me that his heart had gotten involved and that he had met his soulmate, fallen in love, etc. He said that he knew it was wrong and could put appropriate boundaries on it.

Probably, naively, I said that might be ok if there could be proper boundaries. But, what I am finding is that I am really not ok with it.

I am finding myself becoming suspicious and paranoid and am just starting to realize how damaging it is to me.

Your H is having an affair. Right before your very eyes. You are 'agreeing' to him having an affair right before your very eyes.

I have read a lot of 'am I wrong' stuff in this thread coming from you. NO you are not wrong for perceiving an obvious threat to your marriage and family. NO you are not wrong for wanting it to stop. NO you are not wrong for 'changing your mind.' Good grief, where is the anger here?

You need to stop worrying about your WH's job and reputation, and start worrying about your family falling apart. Him being gone is a golden opportunity for you to be strong and TAKE ACTION.

First, contact this OW and tell her that you are fighting for your marriage and your family, and she needs to be gone yesterday.

Second, read up on the exposure thread. In your situation, THIS will kill the affair dead in its tracks. If your WH comes back from his woods vacation to the whole world knowing about what he is doing, it will blow up his affair fantasyland like a bomb.

Third, install spyware on every device he owns.

Then when he returns, you need to demand that he end his affair. Tell him you were deluded and confused when you agreed to contact with a woman who is clearly working to break up your marriage and family. You will no longer be a part of supporting his behavior.

Don't beat yourself up for what has or hasn't been done to this point. Adultery is the most painful thing one spouse can do to another, nobody knows how to act when it happens. Thats what we are here to help you with.

But you do to stop enabling this affair, and start fighting for your marriage.

He has a friend to talk to. He has YOU. You are his WIFE. God intended for YOU to be his best friend, not some demanding bimbo trying to break up his family.

The sad part is, I don't know if he believes that is possible...and right now I don't know if I believe it either. I want to fight, but feel so beaten down right now I am having trouble functioning.

For now it doesn't matter what he believes. Marriages can recover from affairs, but it's very narrow path and each step needs to be followed.

Can you see your doctor and ask for anti-depressants? Tell the doctor what's going on and that you are having a tough time functioning. The ADs will help you think more clearly. They are not addictive and won't make you feel strange. Dr. Harley often recommends Wellbutrin as a good first start. If you are suffering a great deal of anxiety, I have had great success with Lexapro, which treats both depression AND anxiety (racing thoughts, heart palpitations)

Absolutely!

Thank you so much for listening...I have never been very good with conflict...always a people pleaser.

I am going to spend my time the rest of the week reading through the things on this site to get myself better informed.

What is the best way to proceed through these things, both alone and, God willing, with my spouse...

Thanks again!

How do you install spyware on his devices and should he know this is happening?

Check out the Operation Investigate forum. And NO, he should not know. Any snooping you do is always without his knowledge. Dr. Harley advises openness and honesty, EXCEPT when it comes to snooping.

Your first order of business is killing this affair.

There is LOADS of valuable FREE information on this site to help you build the marriage of your dreams, and many many veterans who have done just that to guide you. There is a free daily radio broadcast to listen to, the opportunity to email Dr Harley and/or talk to him on his radio show for free advice. There are fairly inexpensive books to read. And if and when your WH gets back on track, there are more intensive phone counseling and/or online programs to invest in.

But for right now, you need to kill the affair.

No he should absolutely NOT know this is happening.

What is the good of spyware if he knows you are spying on him.

The best way to proceed is to expose his affair. Spending your week 'reading through the site' is avoiding the immediate threat to your marriage. You need to eliminate that threat first.

If your WH asked you if he could rob a bank, and you said yes go ahead, would that make him less of a bank robber? No. It would just mean that you gave him permission to be a bank robber.

There is no credit to give here, sorry.

How did he first meet and contact this OW anyway, if she lives in another country?

The above needs to be your plan. Killing the affair is essential and the most effective way to do this is through exposure.

Read through the Exposure 101 thread and make notes. Create a list of all the contacts and start exposing. After that, reading the rest of the infidelity material is a great idea.

Kill the affair first. Expose!

He met her through a facebook poetry page. She apparently has a love of poetry and poets. My husband is the 4th or 5th that has "fallen in love" with her...by his own admission the other night. The first glimmer that he may be seeing something negative about her...wondering if she could indeed be playing some sort of game since this always seems to happen with poets.