Hello everyone, I'm new to this forum but have been reading all the material on this site for some time now.

I recently noticed that my wife was searching for a way to delete her Facebook messages. I came across this while looking for a recipe to cook dinner on her phone which she handed me. She left the website up so I asked her about what she is deleting or trying to hide. After a moment of silence she stated that some guy she knows from the past contacted her and wanted her to come by sometime and she only deleted it cause she was afraid of my reaction. Well I have not snooped on her or checked any of her Facebook, emails, or texts in a long time so I was kind of caught off guard as to why she would think I would find out. So later in the evening I searched her Facebook and I find out she has been searching this one particular guy (a past boyfriend) weekly if not more for the last year. They�re not friends on Facebook however, it seems like she is really obsessed with this guy and looking through his pictures. Most of the searches happen late at night or when I�m out of town so I can only imagine what is going on when she is searching for this guy. So I confronted her on this and she immediately goes into attack mode stating that it�s my fault and I don�t show her enough love or affection. Those statements are correct however, I find it really hard to show love and support along with affection when she looked me straight in the eye and told me �at the end of the day I just don�t have time for you�.

I asked her why does she search for this guy and she stated they have a mutual friend and his name popped up to me that does not explain the fact of how many times weekly, monthly she searches for him. She has to physically type at least one letter of his name for him to show up, so its not random all the time. Not to mention there have been several other searches of past boyfriends but not nearly as much as this guy. She then goes on to start attacking my character telling me I don�t stimulate her brain or her body. I was shocked by this where does this come in? I found you deleting messages and already she is placing blame on me like I did something wrong. She swears up and down that it is nothing telling me that I�m just crazy and I don�t have the capability to understand anything. What gets me is how much other stuff has she deleted or hid from me?

We have been married for 9 years have 2 children and she has a child from a different relationship. She filed for a divorce last year abruptly. We ended up working on our issues and the relationship was in great shape for about 9 months minor hiccups but nothing real concerning. When my needs quit being met I admit I fell off track and was not meeting her needs as well and things ended up bad like before. Constant fighting, no sex, no affection, nothing but each other�s houseguest and living together. My concern now is what else is she hiding or deleting? Am I crazy to wonder if she is really working late now? Am I crazy to wonder if she is going to be where she says she is going to be. She told me that if she wanted to cheat she would have. Really, thanks for telling me that. She claims to love me however I feel torn by this. I can understand and accept the fact that she might search past boyfriends out of curiosity however, weekly at night alone with me not being there or not in the same room I feel is wrong.. It also makes me think about the way she acts and how much time she spends on Facebook and what is she really doing on there.

Sorry for all the rambling any guidance/opinions would be great

Welcome to MB.

No you're not crazy. She's giving you huge red flags. What spyware do you have on her devices?

Working late? How often and how long? Is there a pattern?

I have no spyware devices on anything however, I do have access to everything she has whenever I want. She is very transparent about giving me her passwords and I can view any text messages that I want to and compare them to the actual phone bill. Her job is very demanding and require her to be there long shifts to manage the staff and prepare for future events. So her working late is really not out of the norm and I also have picked her up at work several times as well.

I guess in my mind I'm just questioning everything right now. She even showed me what she was trying to delete and it really was not bad at all. In her mind since she has been such an open book to me she stated she was just trying to avoid a fight. To me though I feel it was something that should have been brought up and discussed instead of hiding it from me then trying to delete it.

Then when I went through her facebook I discovered the other searches which she played off as it being popped up and her curiosity peeked. Again I feel like this should have been discussed or simply avoided.

She mentioned how bad this might look and insisted it was nothing and apologized several times for not telling me. We have been going through issues lately with both are needs not being met, no alone time at all. We are a very active and busy family with a lot of activities that our kids are involved in. So with my love bank depleting and I saw this now I'm questioning everything which she thinks is insane.