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#2822315 10/06/14 03:31 PM
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themud Offline OP
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Anyone have any reasoning why studies indicate up to 80% of divorce is filed by the wife?

Expectations? We can ponder all we want, but if we look into the philosophy of marriage and what it symbolizes you'll notice that there is less marriage and the divorce rate is fairly stable at 50%. Christian or non christian.

I climb out on a limb, but I think it is expectations. Women want a woman in a mans body. The lack of respect I've receieved in my marriage a long with how my now 18 year old daughter treats me (the exact same as my wife) with contempt and as a $ machine is sickening.

The two of them all but tried to castrate my son this past summer. I let it go on for way too long, and finally flipped. My son is 15 and I am not going to go into it, but I had to literally defend his "boyhood". They wanted him acting like a girl.

I am having a very hard time right now and ask for prayers. My wife continues to blow sunshine up my daughters [censored] while giving her $ for anything (daughter doesn't have a job, and not trying). My son is going through the awkward teenage boy stuff and my wife cannot grasp it. He is quiet where he use to talk a lot. One of the top soccer players on his team, going to state! He is at a private school known for academics and has all A/b, and struggles with math with a D/C in that one course. We have to stay on top of him, but my gosh!

My wife makes it seem like the 2nd coming!!! I have never thought of divorce, but I have today. He is literally growing before our eyes. He goes to bed at 8-8:30. That is too early for my wife and she thinks he is doing porn. He does not have access to anything that would show it. Basic phone, no screen. No iphone/ipod, no tv/cable/satellite, no computer. She has combed his room. I've talked to him.

I am going insane and loosing it by the minute...

themud #2822332 10/06/14 07:48 PM
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Teenage boys need more sleep and its not uncommon to go to bed early.
In your case, Dr. Harley would encourage you and your wife to follow the POJA.
Are you following it?

Jedi_Knight #2822333 10/06/14 07:53 PM
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I just skimmed through your threads throughout the years.
I think you should consider separation.
Your son is probably old enough to tell the court where he would like to live.

themud #2822361 10/07/14 08:27 AM
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Have you ever emailed Dr. Harley?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



themud #2822365 10/07/14 08:48 AM
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Originally Posted by themud
Anyone have any reasoning why studies indicate up to 80% of divorce is filed by the wife?

Because if something needs to get done, it usually falls to the wife. laugh


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
black_raven #2822367 10/07/14 09:07 AM
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I personally think it has a lot to do with this:

Quote
There are also legal considerations. If a husband separates from his family, he can be accused of abandoning his children. If the marriage ends in divorce, he risks losing the right to joint custody. So an attorney should always be consulted before separating. When a woman wants to separate, she does not have the same legal problems because most courts let her stay in the home with her children. It's the husband who must leave.

If the husband chooses to separate, his children often feel that he's left them. It makes it very difficult for him to explain why he's taking such a drastic step, especially if sex is the problem. But if a wife asks him to leave, the children are still with her. She doesn't need to do as much explaining.

When a husband has children in the home, the risks and problems of separation often outweigh the rewards. After discussing the pros and cons of a separation because of sexual problems, most husbands I've counseled decide not to separate, and I go back to work trying to convince their wives to make love to them. There are three female coaches on our staff and I lean heavily on their instincts and persuasive skills when trying to address this problem.

But there are many other husbands I counsel who either have no children or whose children are adults. These men are in a better position to separate until their sexual problems have been resolved. Their wives must choose to either address the issue or live without the care of their husbands. And before any separation, I make sure that they have been doing a good job meeting their wife's emotional needs and avoiding Love Busters.


Copied from here: When to call it quits(Part 3)


Me (42)
Her (43) - feuillecouleur

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If you read the Why Women Leave Men article, Dr Harley explains it very succinctly. Essentially women have far higher standards and expectations, which if not met can cause severe depression.

Women fight harder for the relationship to improve (they buy far more marriage help books for example) so as to stave off this depression, but if this doesnt work, they either withdraw ( sexlessness, unaffectionate) or they divorce. Men do too but they are far better at persevering in an unhappy emotional situation than women are.

It is puzzling what you mean when you say your wife and daughter want men to be women. How exactly?

That is just a disrespectful judgement. Its easy to flip back over to you and say, well clearly you just want them to think more like men!

I wouldn't of course because diagnosing how people think isn't helpful. Creating a battle of the sexes isn't helpful.

So, specifically WHAT it is it (actions) that your wife wants to see from you that you find effeminate?

Keep in mind that in the MB policy of PoJA, nobody has to do anything they don't want to do; so we can help you respectfully tackle it if your wife is making a selfish demand.

If you tell us what it is.

I won't even go into your son and daughter because once male-female respect is sorted out at a parental level - they will naturally follow.

Last edited by indiegirl; 10/09/14 07:50 AM.

What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.


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