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Please help just 1 hour ago found WH been having an online EA for the last year. For those who know my story this is a HUGE blow, it's 6 am in the UK now and I am beyond devastated

Help pls


BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months

Divorced

Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.

If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.

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Originally Posted by NB28
Please help just 1 hour ago found WH been having an online EA for the last year. For those who know my story this is a HUGE blow, it's 6 am in the UK now and I am beyond devastated

Help pls
So sorry NB. I don't think your WH has ever truly embraced and lived by MB.

I think you need to get him out and go to Plan B and seek a lawyer.

Who is the OW?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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NB28 Offline OP
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He did to Mb to the letter for 2 years then things starts to go downhill hast year, OW is some sad online gamer, have got and kept a record of 1 years conversations and voice messages between them. It's an EA she's in America he's in UK but it still stings like mad.

Exposure underway he's hiding in shame, even his cancer diagnosed dad lost it at him today,

I am once again devastated, all was still ok from my end this time it's cause he never planned to leave me but I wasn't enough,

Haven't slept in 28 hours feeling foggy and exhausted.

He's now quoting Mb to recover marriage, I'm reading when to call it quits, no doubt he will reappear here soon enough tail between his legs as an attempt to reconcile,

I'm done


BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months

Divorced

Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.

If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.

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Your husband must agree to write a No Contact letter.
He must also agree to have no online access for the rest of your marriage as an ExtraOrdinary Precaution.

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I am so sorry. frown


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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This is your post in 2012:

Originally Posted by NB28
Brain

His basic boundaries area there. He's still not on any social networking sites, transparent and has no contact with females. As far as the tricky boundaries nothing has come up in order to see how firmly they are in place.

The Extraordinary Precautions were apparently loosened and now there is an internet affair.

And in 2013 this was posted to you in Recovery Thread:

Originally Posted by My4Loves
I recommend uping your UA to 20+ hours weekly. Your FWH has a history of addiction, and sneaking off to play a game sounds like he has found another vice.

I would put in as an EP no more game playing. I would do whatever it took to find Recreational activity with each other as part of your 20+ hours.

You are still limping along in recovery.

In the Recovery thread, you posted that WH would sneak off and play the game early in the morning and late into the night with his Iphone.

If you want to recover and remain married you must get rid of the smartphones and internet access. This was a major loophole because the games are very similar to facebook in that they allow players to private message and develop relationships with each other.

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I can truly say that I know how devastating this is.

Sorry and hugs, NB.



Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
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Originally Posted by NB28
He did to Mb to the letter for 2 years then things starts to go downhill hast year,


He never really embraced EPs or POJA....similar to my exH. He didn't want to let go of his IB or his SSL. This is evident in most of your threads.

Quote
Haven't slept in 28 hours feeling foggy and exhausted.

I would move to Plan B immediately, even if you are not sure what you want to do with the M. Let him do the work (if he is serious about wanting to do MB "to the letter", he can reach out to the forum or Dr Harley) while you get some emotional distance and decide what you want to do.


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
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Originally Posted by NB28
I am beyond devastated

Help pls


((((NB28)))))

You are going to be OK even if this ends in D. Ask me how I know! smile

I was very unhappy and constantly worried in my M and didn't even really see it until I got some emotional distance. It really took a lot of my energy and attention, and without that dark cloud over my head, I am honestly much happier divorced. Marriage to a serial cheater is no fun.

Hang in there.


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
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I have heard Dr. Harley say on his radio show that if a couple goes through the recovery process and spouse who had the affair has another affair in spite of EPs, then his recommendation is to divorce. Your H knew the pain he caused the first go-around and ended up doing it again, in spite of the hurt you suffered. He obviously isn't being transparent if he continues to have a SSL.


Married 1980
DDay Nov 2010

Recovered thanks to Marriage Builders
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Very sorry to hear about this, NB28. Your husband's lack of care and refusal to deal with his addictions are tremendously selfish and destructive.

Go Plan B unless he is willing to put in place and be held accountable to stringent EP's. At this point you're dealing with a veritable "Meth addict." And from what I can infer from recent posts, he addictions have never been checked with real accountability. I'm not blaming you; it's 100% his fault.

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Originally Posted by LongWayFromHome
I have heard Dr. Harley say on his radio show that if a couple goes through the recovery process and spouse who had the affair has another affair in spite of EPs, then his recommendation is to divorce. Your H knew the pain he caused the first go-around and ended up doing it again, in spite of the hurt you suffered. He obviously isn't being transparent if he continues to have a SSL.

This couple did not follow EP in the first place.
The iPhones and online games should have been gone but they weren't.
Harley is very clear in his book that there can be no deviation from his recovery program and extraordinary precautions.
This is the the result of not following his procedures.

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NB28 Offline OP
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He deleted the game as per POJA but then installed it back in secret, met the OW on it and hey presto here we are.

He will agree to anything right now, I don't care it's time to quit. I got to raise my babies right and can't do that with him, kids and me will go NC with him. Plan b knce finances in order,

Im not doing plan A ever again, I am done,

He supposedly ended the A sent NC letter but I could not care less I am done

We did follow MB for 2 years straight, including all EPs. I gave up my company!





BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months

Divorced

Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.

If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.

Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,155
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NB28 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by LongWayFromHome
I have heard Dr. Harley say on his radio show that if a couple goes through the recovery process and spouse who had the affair has another affair in spite of EPs, then his recommendation is to divorce. Your H knew the pain he caused the first go-around and ended up doing it again, in spite of the hurt you suffered. He obviously isn't being transparent if he continues to have a SSL.


Couldn't agree more

He is spewing EPs at me but I don't care. I deserve better and any love I had for him has turned to immense hate and disgust.


BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months

Divorced

Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.

If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.

Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,155
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NB28 Offline OP
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Dr Harley also suggested he go on ads for his low self esteem, he got the ads they were working well but for some reason he quit taking them.

He's in self distruct mode and I'm not going to stick around for it anymore.


BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months

Divorced

Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.

If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
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Originally Posted by NB28
He deleted the game as per POJA but then installed it back in secret, met the OW on it and hey presto here we are.

He will agree to anything right now, I don't care it's time to quit. I got to raise my babies right and can't do that with him, kids and me will go NC with him. Plan b knce finances in order,

Im not doing plan A ever again, I am done,

He supposedly ended the A sent NC letter but I could not care less I am done

We did follow MB for 2 years straight, including all EPs. I gave up my company!


The I-Phone was what enabled him to live a secret second life.
He should have NO internet access.

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Originally Posted by NB28
Dr Harley also suggested he go on ads for his low self esteem, he got the ads they were working well but for some reason he quit taking them.

He's in self distruct mode and I'm not going to stick around for it anymore.

You have every right to call it quits.
I divorced my wife because she refused to end her affair and after more than two years of divorce I feel good. Real good.
Plan A nearly killed me physically and emotionally and I'm so glad to be away from that mess.
It's a decision that only you can make.

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NB28 Offline OP
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The deal braker among other things he sent pictures of MY BABIES to her I mean MY BABIES I'm hitting the roof all over again


BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months

Divorced

Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.

If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.

Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,155
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NB28 Offline OP
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Based on that alone he will have NO access to the kids. He's dangerous and she could have been anyone


BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months

Divorced

Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.

If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.

Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,448
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Ok so are you moving into Plan B?


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
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