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so my wife of 1 year started as a LPN 7 months ago. since i work days i come home and have our Daughter of 4years till i go to bed at 1115 when she gets home. my normal time was about 10pm. she goes in before i come home at about the 3 month period I mentioned how this wasnt working for me. and I didnt want to be selfish but could she please get a day job. no change she said she applied for some but i havent seen anything. for awhile we would still go out to dinner but she would text the whole time and say it was so and so from work. bassically we are not really able to make love deposit anymore as we spend no time . Then it got to the point she is working to avoid conflict about a month ago. one day my daughter mentioned Mommy and Craig had to get her batteries for her computer. I imidiatly text her and told her what our daughter said I she said jenna must be mistaken she meant Greg and susan that she told me about a play date. well we went to the Dominican republic for annivarsary for a week upon our return she slapped my hand on the escaletor and knocked my passport and ticket out of my hand falling onto the moving equipment came as a shock and panic for my ride home i got angy she said drop it i was ticked for about a minute. after that we have spiraled into a never ending disagreement. this has gone on all month. i appoligize she wont accecpt says my action speak louder than words and i have been getting jelous as we had a blow out one night and she said she called her friend Jenn to pick her up but that Jenn sent her husband Craig. Craig showed upto our house that nite and i asked who he was. i said you brought your botfriend here the one jenna mentioned that you said was greg? since then I have contacted her family which gets back to her for talking to her cousin and thats me digging and making her upset. her cousin said something about a call log next thing you know im checking her call log and she has been texting craig for months. like alot more than i wouldve even figured. now ive slipped into Jelousy and at this point i havent been able to control looking into matters pissing her off meanwhile she has gone out to drink with co workers but got drunk and stayed out till 600am. we took a small step and went to dinner all went well but that night she also went to a gay bar with her nurse friends and a gay nurse who bar tedns so thats the story that nite she told me all about what was happening and seemed fairly normal. next day wanted nothing to do with me on that day off. she went out told me not to bother her. and next day my daugter told me she was with craig momoy her and his son hunter and that Jenn and the girl were not there again told my wife she said i putting words into my daughters mouth when i simply asked what did you do with mommy yesterday. got even worse for us now were practically separating she wont give up her job or this guy craig shes adimate is just a friendship. he has a restraining order that his wife got has been separated for a year and was fired from the police force in the town he lived in over the incident. i contacted the wife via facebook and her father called me and told me that i told amanda he said he hates craig that he has anger issues and the he would help if he could. she said it dosent add up and called me crazy for looking into it. what to do know this marrige is over and i can not accecpt Craig as her friend only. she texts him all nite at this point

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First off...Calm down. You are not crazy or inappropriately jealous. Your wife is having an affair. You know it, we know it and she certainly knows it.

Take a moment to read up on as much information here as you can. Don't talk to your wife about this information as she is beyond logic and reason right now.

First step...obtaining indisputable evidence of the affair.

There is a whole operation investigate sub-forum on how to snoop on your wife. I know that doing this feels kind of icky but this is your life and you deserve the truth about your life and family and second, your wife is lost right now and although you already likely have the right to divorce her for adultery, she needs your help and you can't help her while she's lying to you and not able to even discuss the truth.

I found that using a voice activated digital recorder hidden in my wife's car and another one in the house where she had most of her clandestine telephone calls as the quickest and easiest way to document that OM was more than "just a friend". You don't have to have this "proof" to know what's going on but sometime further exposure to others requires insurmountable proof such that they can no longer use the "we're just friends" lie.

Another good tool is the GPS device on the car (or software on her phone). Using that you likely could prove she never went to any gay bar but instead was parked at a motel or OM's apartment all night. The gay bar wayward ruse is such a tired excuse....they always think they can gaslight you saying "You are so controlling and jealous even thinking I'm having an affair with men at the Gay bar". It's so transparent.

Second step - I'm a little confused by your story and maybe OM is separated and you've already spoke to his wife, Jen but if not, I don't even think you should wait for the recording device to do this....call your wife's friend, Jenn and let her know "craig" is having an affair with your wife so she can start busting things up on her side of the street.


Third step - without forewarning your wife (really stop talking to her about this ... she is NOT going to tell you the truth so by asking her about her affair you are just bugging her and making her be more careful) and without threatening her or OM whatsoever. ..... EXPOSE their documented affair at the hospital. Affairs are rampant in hospitals. Some hospitals care and others don't but if he is a doctor or her superior in any way they really worry about lawsuits. They may fire someone if fraternizing is against their employee conduct rules or just separate them at work. If they are close co-workers having them together is bad protocol.

Fourth step - Copy all your wife's and OM's facebook friend's name right now before they deactivate their accounts. Eventually you'll be exposing the affair to everyone you can through facebook NOT to be vindictive but rather to get help busting up the affair in the hopes that once it's over you'll get an opportunity to truly save your marriage.


Your kids are depending on you to fight for their family. I know angering your wife by exposing her adulterous behavior to the world seems counter-intuitive; however, it works. Your marriage can survive her anger. Your short marriage is unlikely to survive her continuing and deepening affair nor if she continues to work with the OM (even if they end it). The more aggressive you are fighting quickly to break them up the better your chances. If WW won't end it...you want OM to give up. OM may be divorcing anyway and he'll have a world of single women without kids and angry husband's to pursue. If you make your WW too much of a hassle for him....he'll walk away and dump her.


Last thing. Keep those recorders handy. Many WW's fight dirty for custody and when you refuse to just move out, roll over and take being an every other weekend day, they start making false accusations against you. They might punch themselves in the face and call the cops on you. File restraining orders, etc. Use a recording device in such situations to protect yourself and record the interactions with her when she's going nuts. You also need to consider that divorce is a distinct possibility in this circumstance and begin to document matters such that you can undertake the best fight for as much or all the custody of your child that you can. Do not move out voluntarily. Do not agree to let WW move out and take the child. Until a divorce is filed you each have 100% custody of the child all the time.

Be careful...Be smart...Be calm. YOU will make it. It'll be OK for you however this goes. Your wife is lost and hurting right now. We may be able to help you save her but not always. Sometimes they don't come back. We can help you either way.

Godspeed,

Mr. W


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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The OM is separated I was told by his WW father. I have a pre nup on the house she is ready to move out now but were going to seek counseling tuesday. she is going to get her own phone line possibly becasue i messed up talking to a friend last nite and wrong text the info to my wife which has caused bigger issues.
I also sort of shot off my guns already and she stated many times she has not cheated and is not that way that this is a friedship. but then if i accuse her of an emotional affair she says it is what it is, which isnt denial either way its a poisonus relashionship that will affect this marriage

Last edited by clintonior; 10/20/14 11:39 AM.
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Sir,

Do not go to the counseling.
Cancel it. It will do more harm than good.

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seriously? she is willing to talk there though. she wont communicate well with me she trows this that and the other thing in my face and has been very dismmive i know shes in there somewhere but sisnce she works night im afraid alls ive been doing is making love bank wothdrawls via text and not having time with her to put em back. she has told she will not get/quit her job or get rid of friends ect. last nite. but she will commit to counseling

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Yes, I am very serious.

The counseling will destroy your marriage.
They are not trained for counseling marriages with active affairs.
You cannot build your marriage until the affair is permanently ended. This is what you need to focus on.

Read the post from Mr. Wondering on your thread and he tells you what you need to focus on

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Your entire focus needs to be on getting evidence of their affair and exposing it far and wide.

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The counsellor will take a little bit of bad and add a whole lot worse.

They are particularly toxic in affair situations where the fault is not with the relationship: but the AFFAIR!!!

Expose it, end it, job done.

Stop letting the wayward trick a counsellor into telling you it's your fault.

Very lucrative for counsellors to take on a waywards bottomless pit of complaints. Not so great for you or the marriage.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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i done the phone log i know something is up i know who he is there is an unproven rumor he is a cop. he was fired from a PD once and has a restraint order and pending divorce my wife also says its just a friendship however its still affecting our marriage. i know about where the om may live but nothing definate.

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mabye i'll try the voice recorder but i will still goto the intake appt as we were going to try that route.
Ive alredy alerted her that i dont approve the call log the phone call from the father of the OM separated wife ect she is going to be more secure in what she does now anyways

Last edited by clintonior; 10/20/14 12:26 PM.
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Sir,

You will make a grave error in attending marriage counseling and not listening to the advice here

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what if i dont mention the affair at all in the counseling session?

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i cant cancel right now she is expecting it.

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Originally Posted By: clintonior
what if i dont mention the affair at all in the counseling session?


Sir, the affair IS THE PROBLEM!
It will be the elephant sitting in the room, as your wife complains that:
* You don't listen to her complaints
* You are disrespectful and rude at times
* You are controlling

How could you possibly not mention the elephant when it's sitting on you and killing you?

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Most marriage counselors have no earthly idea how to help a couple whose spouse is having or has just finished an affair and can do much more harm than good.

The problem in your marriage right now is the affair. Nothing will get better until the affair is killed completely.

At least call up the MC and ask if they are experts in handling a marriage suffering from an affair. Most MC truly is a waste of time and money. Ask me how I know. (months and months of counseling still led to an unrecovered marriage, resentment, and a 2nd affair!)


Married 1980
DDay Nov 2010

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I see your point. I am trying to regain some trust with her as she knows i have been digging into this. this person is a cop and she does also get very upset if i talk to her family this honestly may or may not be worth saving at this point i do still love her but this is a bit much after 5 years with her and 1 year of marriage. also if she does not change her work schedule i do not see how we could possibly imporve as not time spent to fill up the love bank which led to this in the first place.

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Originally Posted By: clintonior
I see your point. I am trying to regain some trust with her as she knows i have been digging into this. this person is a cop and she does also get very upset if i talk to her family this honestly may or may not be worth saving at this point i do still love her but this is a bit much after 5 years with her and 1 year of marriage. also if she does not change her work schedule i do not see how we could possibly imporve as not time spent to fill up the love bank which led to this in the first place.


You don't need to regain her trust.
SHE is the one having an affair.
The affair needs to die before anything else is done.

Last edited by Jedi_Knight; 10/20/14 01:39 PM.
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Originally Posted By: clintonior
she is going to get her own phone line possibly becasue i messed up talking to a friend last nite and wrong text the info to my wife which has caused bigger issues.



What does this mean? Was this an opposite sex 'friend'?

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clintonior,

Please please understand that Dr. Harley is the very best at busting up the affair, and he is the very best at helping couples have a great mariage after the affair ends. (you can very well have a much better marriage after the affair ends)
...... In order to do this, you must take his advice. He has helped thousands of couples just like you.
I can help you figure out about the voice activated recorder. I can post later about this, or you can pm me and I will help as soon as I can.

Please please listen to the vets here, they can help you greatly. Please follow Dr. Harley's teachings, you will not regret it.

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Originally Posted By: clintonior
what if i dont mention the affair at all in the counseling session?


huh? ARe you joking? If you are having a heart attack do you go to the doctor and talk about the price of tea in China? crazy

First off, counseling is useless and will likely ruin your chances at saving your marriage. But if you are going to go, why sit there and play pretend games about the problem?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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