They are having an affair and you know that.

she said that she hasn't had feelings for me in a long time and that she didn't want to hurt me so she kept lying to me and herself hoping it would get better and it never did. she said that since she's moved out that she feels this relief that she no longer has to put on an act to make me think that things are ok. and that when we see each other now it's like seeing a close friend not a husband. and even then she is stressed that I will try to kiss or hug her and she don't want to keep hurting me by telling me no or pushing me away.

I just don't know what to do now. I've done the exposure. I've tried everything else. I just don't know where to turn. what to do.

This is standard script for a wayward. They always say things like this and rewrite history. It's what is called the "I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You" speech, and just about every betrayed spouse hears it.

The reason is because your wife has a new point of comparison. She is in love with the OM, which makes her think/realize she's not in love with you.

Don't let it shake you. Keep following the plan.

You keep doing Plan A. Have you read up on Plan A? It takes tremendous patience. Read some of the threads of betrayed husbands. Have you read Surviving an Affair, specifically about Jon and Sue?

Listen to the radio show when you can, too; it's very helpful.

she won't agree to stop the affair because there isn't one she says. she won't agree to stop talking to him because he isn't the problem she says. and she don't talk to him that often she says. it's impossible for me to know since she's moved out. I've tried to be thoughtful and caring and and supportive and positive and when I am she avoids all contact with me.

unless I'm missing something on plan a.. I mean should I just keep being thoughtful and caring and positive whenever I see or talk/text her even though it she is not receptive to it .. and just keep waiting on her to decide to call or text me. and then go a couple days not speaking because I'm not giving her her space..and then try again and again..

Just stay in Plan A! Stay the course and don't pay any heed to fog babble.

and since she said that tonight about no feelings who know how long it'll be until she contacts me. so just wait for her to contact me?. like i said just me trying to make contact with her causes friction. and not only that but if she is still talking/seeing OM would that be a little having cake and eating it too? sorry I'm just lost!

Yep! Just wait until she contacts you and then present your best side. As the affair crumbles, she will contact you more. WE already knew she had no feelings for you. That describes 99.9999% of affairs.

OMG! I hope ur right.. I'll do my best and keep u posted.. believe me.. I need all the help I can get!

Plan A does seem like wayward is having her cake and eating it, too, but the question to ask yourself is:

Do I want to have a chance to save my marriage?

If the answer is no, you would ignore her, punish her, do anything necessary to push her away.

If the answer is yes, then you would be kind and caring, a soft place for her to land when the affair crumbles. Most affairs don't last, and, if you've shown yourself to be caring, she may well return to you. You would still have your conditions, such as creating EPs for life and building a new and much better marriage with you, but Plan A at least gives this a chance to happen.

Dont' be annoying; send her a short pleasant text every so often, a card on special occasions, that kind of thing, to let her know you are thinking of her and love her. If she needs some help, then help her.

The good thing about Plan A for a man is that if she doesn't return, you can go into Plan B and divorce and you will have lost the feeling of love for her. Stay on ADs if you have trouble with being depressed during the next several months. Dr. Harley has found that most men can handle the stress of Plan A for a good months without negative effects to their health.

what should I do if I she let's say goes out with the OM? just ignore it? I mean I guess so since I'm essentially ignoring their contact via text and calls. it just seems like I'm her plan B. just in case the grass isn't greener.. I'm sorry to everyone. I know I'm a nutcase right now and I feel like I over think things. I just can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel when faced with losing everything we've worked so hard for(marriage, family, house). it just seems like my world is crashing in around me and just keeps getting worse and worse by the day, by the hour sometimes!

You should tell her: "I am devastated that you are seeing him"

ok so she text me and told me that she was gonna "try this whole honesty thing" and told me she was goin out for a drink. I texted back and said "ok?" and she told me "don't be rude u know its hard for me to tell u the truth" so I called he and told her I wasn't being rude that I couldnt stop her from doing anything. I said "would I rather u didn't? sure" "am I disappointed? yes" "can I stop u from doin what ur gonna do anyways? no" and told her to have a good time. she ask if I wanted her to call me when she gets home I said if u want. .. not sure if I did the right thing or not.. if there is such a thing as a right thing..

It seems she believes if she is "honest" about her thoughtless behavior that it makes it ok? Does she have this belief?

I don't know what she thinks or believes. we talked last night about her not having feelings for me anymore and I told thanks for finally being honest. and she said it felt good to be honest for a change. I said good u should try it from now on. and apparently she is...

The solution to falling out of love is to take steps to fall in love again. That is what this program does. I guess I don't get the point of her texting you about "going out for a drink." What is the point of that? And of course, she is going to meet her OM.

yes of course with the OM. the only reason I could come up with was for me to throw a fit and start an argument so she could justify it in her mind like all the times before. it was like it was fun or exciting for her to be sneaking around and now she don't have to sneak so she's looking for another way to make it more exciting by trying to start an argument first.. I'm not sure those are just my thoughts...

Sir,
You should only tell her this: "I am willing to work with you to create a loving romantic marriage but you muct first end your affair"

When she says, I am going out with OM you say: "I am devastated"

Okay? Don;t encourage her to be an honest pig. It's okay for a prostitute to be honest in Church when she repents and turns away from sin. But it is NOT okay for an unrepentant prostitute to go to Church and tell everyone the sex acts she plans on committing later in the week.