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Originally Posted By: clintonior
i cant cancel right now she is expecting it.


Just tell her you have changed your mind.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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So last nite I caused and issue with the other person I ended up talking to him they both say its only friends. that they met working. she semmed happier after we talked. he says we will not separate. i am not able to expose much more of this as he is a police office from what im being told. i may try the recorder ect but it will have to wait till after our intake appointment today I will try to focus on what has been exposed I agree this appears to be the only thing in the way of our marriage at this point.

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The voice activate recorder helped me greatly in establishing the fact that my wife is no longer in her affair. (For me it is peace of mind)

I bought 2 Olympus recorders. (The $60 version)
You can get it at best buy or radio shack,
The guy at radio shack helped me set it to voice activated mode.
(That is a must)
You need to go to Walmart and get some velcrow.
(Soft end on the back of recorder)

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Originally Posted By: clintonior
So last nite I caused and issue with the other person I ended up talking to him they both say its only friends. that they met working. she semmed happier after we talked. he says we will not separate. i am not able to expose much more of this as he is a police office from what im being told. i may try the recorder ect but it will have to wait till after our intake appointment today I will try to focus on what has been exposed I agree this appears to be the only thing in the way of our marriage at this point.


Sir, you need to expose this adultery.
Contact the mans parents and ask them to tell their son to leave your wife alone.
Also contact the Commander of the Police Dept where they work and tell him that he is having an affair with your wife.

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Since you refuse to follow the advice here and are proceeding with the counseling appointment, I will offer one more advice:

When you go to counseling, the only thing you should say is : "I am willing to work with you to create a loving marriage but you must first end your affair."

When she says it is not an affair, tell her : "I have evidence of your adultery and it devastates me."

Do NOT discuss anything else.
Can you do this?

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I can but i dont have high hopes for that approach but its the elephant in the room. my feeble attempts have alredy caused her to withdraw at this point. there may be no real resolution to this event.

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our fight has gone on for a month and a week and only now will she attend counseling with me.

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all i have exposed is i know she has lied to me about this and she dosent acknowledge that or skips past it. and flips it to my actions as the problem.
all i have exposed to this point is she dosent know the OM wife. The OM has no girlfriend. They text each other way to much and comunicate call ect. I work days she is working nights I know she shops in the vicinty of his home area during the day. They both admit they met at work but dont work at the same place. she ia a nurse and he is a cop from another town with a pt pizza place job. pizza place job is only job confirmed also from what i can tell live above the pizza place. OM wife say Please be carful. she can not share more her father said to me there is a restraint order put on him he was fired from that local PD. they have been separated for a year. my wife is adamit she hasnt slept with him and that they are mutual friends with others from work. i dont have any real infidelity type info

Last edited by clintonior; 10/21/14 09:15 AM.
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Please listen to the clips in here.

Beware of Bad Counselors


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted By: clintonior
I can but i dont have high hopes for that approach but its the elephant in the room. my feeble attempts have alredy caused her to withdraw at this point. there may be no real resolution to this event.


Sir, her affair has caused her to withdraw.
Not your attempts to win her back.

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Originally Posted By: clintonior
all i have exposed is i know she has lied to me about this and she dosent acknowledge that or skips past it. and flips it to my actions as the problem.
all i have exposed to this point is she dosent know the OM wife. The OM has no girlfriend. They text each other way to much and comunicate call ect. I work days she is working nights I know she shops in the vicinty of his home area during the day. They both admit they met at work but dont work at the same place. she ia a nurse and he is a cop from another town with a pt pizza place job. pizza place job is only job confirmed also from what i can tell live above the pizza place. OM wife say Please be carful. she can not share more her father said to me there is a restraint order put on him he was fired from that local PD. they have been separated for a year. my wife is adamit she hasnt slept with him and that they are mutual friends with others from work. i dont have any real infidelity type info


Sir, you don't need pictures of them having sex to prove an affair.
It appears you are in serious denial and listening (and believing) your wife's lies.

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Clintoninor,

You wrote, he was fired from that local PD

Why was he fired? I have noticed that there is a minority of police officers who abuse their position of respect to serial cheat. You may be able to make a request for his employment records if those records are public information in your state.

God Bless
Gamma

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wow
some serious denial by you
some serious gaslighting by your wayward

Are you going to follow any of the advice given?

Seems like you are locked in fear, we have all been there before. Find your manhood and listen and USE the advice given here.

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Clinton,

If you continue down the path you are headed, it is likely your WW will leave you.
She will likely interpret your actions as ...... My husband doesn't care enough to try to stop my affair.

Follow the advice given here by these vets. Many of them have been there, and it worked for them. Dr. Harley knows what he is doing.

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I have made several unproductive attempts to end this. but i will grab a recorder tonight and try that approach. I will want 2 eventually one for the car and bedroom.

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I recommend the Olympus. ($60 version)
You can get it at best buy or radio shack.
The guy at radio shack helped me set it up.
(You need to set it to voice activated mode)
You will need velcrow. You can get that at Wal mart.
Soft end on the back of the recorder, hard end on the surface where you will stick it.
Let me know if you have any questions.

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I have the olympus. it set to VCVA do i want the high rec or low record for voice in the car?

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I think you would really benefit from a PI in your situation. This guy clearly has quite the deep dark past. I'd guess this is not his first affair and he probably misused his position to cheat or commit domestic violence. Hire a PI who can get you both a background check and evidence of the A.

In the meantime, don't go to counselling because she will use that scenario to fight with you. She's all about gathering justifaction right now. Say no regretfully but that you'd love to take her out to dinner if she has time to talk. She will say no of course (which is actually good; she will fight over dinner too) but she will remember the offer.

My game plan would be:
1 Find evidence and a lot of smut on OM.
2 Expose WW and expose him, including his background to everyone and online i.e. cheaterville.
3 Step back while he and WW fight about all the stuff he didn't tell her and how her family is not going to accept him now.
4 Step back as OM realises he really doesn't have to put up with all of this for a piece of tail.
5 Show WW how loving and forgiving you can be, even in the face of the unmitigated fury she has tried to put you through during steps 3 and 4.
6 As affair collapses, watch WW realise she really might as well genuinely try with you as she now has few options.
7 Now in a position of power, you insist on a job change and full compliance with the MB recovery plan 'because I want you to feel as in love as I am'

It doesn't always work but we see this succeed again and again where other approaches have 100pc failure.

It's particularly effective with the scummier types of OM who have previous incidents of this type in their past.


Last edited by indiegirl; 10/23/14 08:19 AM.

What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Can you afford a PI?

Private Investigators


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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right now I dont think i could I may have to take credit of sorts on that one. I have a pair of panties she came home a swapped out one day with a coffe spill on the left side which if she was driving seems highly unlikley. i put em in the freezer.

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