As I posted a few days ago, my best friend attempted suicide. It was brought about by several factors. She is trapped in a marriage that she has worked on for many years, but her H will not work on it, yet he won't let her go. She also has been diagnosed bi-polar. Hopefully now, with the right meds, she will survive. While talking to another friend about it, she pointed out that I am commiting suicide in another way. I am living a lifestyle that is getting out of control. Too much drinking ( her suicide attempt came after a day of us drinking) and hooking up with all the wrong people. I thought I was handling my separation from H fairly well for many months and now I seem to be another person. I was a faithful wife, great mom, NEVER went to bars, etc. Now I am involved with a MM and recently met a guy 14 yrs younger than me. This guy is SO opposite of anyone I have known. We met in the bar my girlfriend and I were at the day she tried to kill herself. He seemed pretty mellow and we had fun. I know he just wanted to sleep with me, and I left with her. But 2 nites later, after seeing the MM and feeling let down by him, I went back to the bar and hooked up with this new guy. I am really spiraling DOWN. But at the same time, the excitement of it keeps me going back. <BR><BR>Each time I have a talk with myself I think I can walk away from this, but then it's like falling off the wagon. Tomorrow I start new Meds, Paxil, and hope it helps. And I plan on telling the counselor everything. I'm just wondering why am I behaving this way NOW. Is it unresolved anger towards my H?? I am only punishing myself. Any opinions??

ATW:<P>I'm so sorry to hear about your best friend. So many people are suffering right now. I wish I had the right words to say to you. It amazes me the amount of destruction people will heap upon each other.<P>For you, the first step is always awareness. It looks like you have that now, but you have yet to get control. I think your counselor should be able to help enormously. Listen and learn. I'm sure your actions are borne out of pain, which we can all relate to. But I am convinced that if you continue this way, you will only heap much more misery on yourself. That's the last thing you need.<P>So step back and try to find your strength again. Forgive yourself for being a human being under tremendous stress. We all know the strength is within you as we have seen it for months. Find it again and keep in touch.

I think it is unresolved anger and need for affection. I can see myself doing the same thing when my situation breaks down. I too long for someone to hold me and love me but I want more than just one nite and I'm sure you do too.<P>You and your friends need to find something else to do rather than go to bars and drink. Too many inhibitions are let down at that time.<P>Its good that your are going out, you just need to find something else. I think it is a good idea to talk to your counselor too!<P>BEst of luck and God Bless,<BR>Hang in there!

Hi ATW -<P>I am so sorry about your friend...I hope that she will get the help she needs and that this will be a turning point for her life - whether in or out of the marriage.<P>As for you young lady...(finger wagging)<P>Do you realize how many people care about you? I wish we could all come to you and help you through this...but we can't. That doesn't mean that we don't care or feel that you are a part of our lives!!<P>You are a valuable person and you don't need male attention to make you feel that way!!!! You must learn to love yourself, ATW!!!<P>You were not defined by your H!!!! You are defined by who you are inside. I have a feeling that you no longer recognize who you are.....Find her - she is wonderful!!!!<P>You must love yourself before someone else can love you for any length of time. All you are doing with the bar scene is setting yourself up for more abuse ATW, and I really am anguished by watching you hurt yourself!!!<P>Why are you bringing all of this crap into your life? Do you not have enough to figure out that you need more? <P>Affection is a quick dose of heroin to us who are going through this hell!! Do you really want to be an addict? It's a downward spiral and will cost you whatever you have left....<P>ATW, I feel for you so much!!!! I am going through the same with my H. I WILL NOT cause myself more pain and emotional blows than I already have in my life!!!! You need to give the ATW on the inside some affection and HUGS yourself!!!! Explore who she is and bring her out.....don't look to bring someone in to do what you need to do for yourself!!!<P>Time to start using the old brain..what have you learned on MB? Think of the possitives that you have!!! And you do have them!!! WE have gotten through this far and damnit each of us deserve the outcome of being a better, stronger and more enlightened person who knows how to achieve a well-rounded relationship. Don't throw it away!!!<P>We Love Ya, ATW!!!!<P>HUGS, STRENGTH & PRAYERS,<P>Sheba

What Sheba Said!!!!!<P>ATW, I can relate to what you are going through.... I feel like a spring that was wound up too tight, and now has been let loose. My actions are a little different, but none the less..... We've got to get control! <P>Just know you are not alone, and we all care about you!<P>Thoughts & Prayers,<BR>Butterfly<P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>

Drinking is pretty insidious. At first it helps with stress & getting to sleep, so you start having a nightly glass of wine (or name your poison), then if one helps, why not 2? Then comes the impulsivity...<P>Glenn's death gave me a big wake-up call. And you've got someone "in the flesh" who has tried to harm herself.<P>I know awhile back, this spring & summer, we joked with drinking--the buses, party pontoons, etc. Some of us, me included, are too fragile to take chances or be encouraged in not-so-great choices.<P>It makes me think of George Thoroughgood's song "I like to drink alone, just me and my good friend (Bud, Johnny Walker, Jack Daniels, etc)" "When I drink alone, I prefer to be by myself."<P>ATW, you've had a crummy year. But don't treat yourself bad.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ATW}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P>

{{{{{{{{{{Against the Wind}}}}}}}}}}<P>Hugs... not drinks....<P>There is so much you can pull out of what Sheba said... Take a little bit at a time... She(Sheba) is the wisdom of this board... hear and take some in! <P>You don't <B>need... want... or deserve...</B> the bar scene. Please! <BR>It will drag you lower than you've ever been!<P>Find some affection from someone who will love you for who you are... God... <P>Come here and post when in doubt...<P>Jim

Against the Wind,<P>Oh yeah to all said above. You are receiving tons of great advise here. We all know how lonely and hard this ride is. I was drinking quite heavily at one point and making the same stupid mistakes you are. It is so easy to get sucked in to some bar hounds agenda and think that you are being admired when really it is an agenda (usually to get laid). <P>I started taking Welbutrin 150 mg daily. That will stop you from drinking, I tell ya. It gives you a raging hang over, even with a couple glasses of wine. I have been on this for 4 months and have to say, I am off alcohol completely. It is a creative way to stop you from going there but it does work. Plus it does give me a high, I have been super productive while on it.<P>Well, sweetie, I am glad to here you reaching out to those that can comfort and advise. You are a strong and valuable woman. You have endured months of limbo and now it is time to think about what you want out of life. Nurture yourself, treat yourself, do what makes you feel positive and strong. Your life isn't over, it is just different than the one you had. I think that with the power of positive thinking and a little help from the man above you are going to find yourself and a life that brings you joy and contentment. <P>Take care and keep in touch,<P>Gerri

ATW,<BR> I hope your friend will be OK.I know what you are feeling.You WERE a faithful wife,and a great mom,but now that your H left,you don't know what you are.You've lost your identity,so to speak.I know that's what I felt when my W left me for her boy-toy.I found myself wandering around places I've never been,making passes at strange women,starting to drink again(haven't drank in years).I was lost.I thought I was a happily married man,but when my W left,I felt like a empty,worthless,failure.Maybe what you're trying to do is begin a new life,but singles bars is'nt the way to go.All they are is meat-markets.Maybe you can take some classes,or take up a new hobby like photography,hiking,etc.Something healthy.You don't need another relationship right now.You're so vulnerable right now,you could end up really getting hurt.You don't need that.The Paxil will probably help.But you need to get strong for yourself,not lean on somebody new.I know it's hard,it's damn hard,but you can do it.I'm an emotional wimp,and if I can do it,so can you!End of lecture,now go do something for YOU! --Murph

AGW - Oh, man, I had a good lecture going as I read your post, then I found out I was late and everyone else already said it.<P>LISTEN TO THEM!!!<P>A lot of people care about you. This is a hard and scary time, but you've got to take care of yourself and THAT means curtailing these activities that will only bring you pain in the long run - got it????<P>My prayers are with you. Sending lots of hugs your way.<P>Lori

What a great bunch of friends you are. Took one tiny step yesterday.. OM was supposed to see me, but he never showed. Normally I would have voice mailed him, but I didn't. And as I write this I see he is on and I could IM him, but I won't. And I am feeling a bit stronger about this. Also my friend is getting out of the hospital today. We are talking of ways to move on and do something good for ourselves. We agreed to start walking again, being outdoors. We also plan on checking out an AA meeting, at the advice of the Dr. when she was hospitalized. And as lonely and pissed as I was last nite I DID NOT call the biker that I had met in the bar. One day at a time....Going to keep busy today, yard work, etc. Then I have tomorrow covered, taking friend to lunch and then my counseling meeting. <BR><BR>What a long bumpy road this is.<BR><BR>Hey, Murph...emotional whimp?? I think not, you sound like one terrific guy.<BR><BR>All of you take care, I am so very grateful you are here.

Remove his IM number. Quit all contact. Go cold turkey. But you already know that, don't you? <P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

Hi ATW,<BR> What everyone else said and ATW ...YOU DESERVE MUCH BETTER....and it will come if you truly feel that way. As Limerick has posted before your life will change but it will/can be rewarding and rich once again...it takes a litte faith , time and the belief that you are worth the best......Lu