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So I'm realizing that i'm forcing him all the time... I agree.
Ok, so I will stop and let him do his own thing. But what do I do when all he likes to do is be a homebody?
I feel bad for making him do things that he won't like. What should I do when I'll then be stuck at home with him in silence all day? I won't stay sane anymore
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...lets me go out without question. Where are you going out to? Welcome to MB I meant like lunch dates with friends and girls night out, etc ("go out") Thanks You go out at night partying without him?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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So I'm realizing that i'm forcing him all the time... I agree.
Ok, so I will stop and let him do his own thing. But what do I do when all he likes to do is be a homebody? No, I don't mean for him to do his "own thing." I mean for you to start working with him to find things to do that you enjoy together. It sounds to me like he avoiding you which is what a spouse does when they are being controlled. Find things to do that you BOTH LOVE and then clean up your behavior so you can both enjoy each others company. I feel bad for making him do things that he won't like. What should I do when I'll then be stuck at home with him in silence all day? I won't stay sane anymore Find a THIRD alternative.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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...lets me go out without question. Where are you going out to? Welcome to MB I meant like lunch dates with friends and girls night out, etc ("go out") Thanks You go out at night partying without him? That's not al the time, but on the rare occasion. I tried to take him with me, he hated it, so I didn't force him. He hates going out, so he lets me. It was like our little agreement.
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Sometimes it feels like the only reason I am with him is because we have a child together. He may feel the same way. His reluctance to move out of his parent's house may be because of that...that he's unhappy and doesn't want to invest more. You have a number of problems going on. Are you two affectionate with one another? Where are you going on a girls' night out?
BW - me exWH - serial cheater 2 awesome kids Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot. --------Eleanor Roosevelt
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[ That's not al the time, but on the rare occasion. I tried to take him with me, he hated it, so I didn't force him. He hates going out, so he lets me. It was like our little agreement. That should stop immediately. Going out like a single girl is a disaster to marriages. It creates incompatibility, emotional detachment and often leads to affairs. You are at a high risk of having an affair as it is.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You go out at night partying without him?
That's not al the time, but on the rare occasion. I tried to take him with me, he hated it, so I didn't force him. He hates going out, so he lets me. It was like our little agreement. How very hurtful. That's why he says yes when he wants to say no. You've made it perfectly clear a night out is far more important than your marriage.
Last edited by indiegirl; 01/08/15 01:27 PM.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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lol going out to me is going to get a beer and getting home before 11pm, or going to a friend's house for dinner. I'm not even interested i affairs. Would rather stay single if I ever was.
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Nobody is 'interested in affairs'
However there are men there who value the same interests you do while you purposely put distance between yourself and your husband.
You're not seeking an affair, just sleepwalking into one.
Even if you were not your husband must be aware that you view him as boring and the people at the bar as better.
They are your priority over him.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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I'll try talking to him. Guess my way is just controlling him and I never realized it. Never wanted that. Maybe he doesn't like it and so he's closing off. I'l see what happens after our conversation. Thank you everyone for taking your time to help me
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You could easily sell him on this plan and ask him to meet your need for interesting conversation.
It's extremely common for women to have that need but not men.
If he no longer had to endure some of this stuff he would probably be very motivated to try.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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He didn�t used to be like this when we met. We are together for 9 years now, married for 5 and have a 5 year old boy� but live with his parents and I�m going insane because of this. Have you two ever lived on your own? Based on this ^^^ it looks like you started dating at 18 and either went straight (or pretty close) to his parent's house with a child. Did you live together before you married?
BW - me exWH - serial cheater 2 awesome kids Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot. --------Eleanor Roosevelt
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lol going out to me is going to get a beer and getting home before 11pm, or going to a friend's house for dinner. I'm not even interested i affairs. Would rather stay single if I ever was. This is what people say who have affairs. They are the most vulnerable because they believe they are immune. Part of the reason you and your husband are so very detached is because you lead an independent lifestyle.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He didn�t used to be like this when we met. We are together for 9 years now, married for 5 and have a 5 year old boy� but live with his parents and I�m going insane because of this. Have you two ever lived on your own? Based on this ^^^ it looks like you started dating at 18 and either went straight (or pretty close) to his parent's house with a child. Did you live together before you married? not really, never had the chance to
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Did you read the information on love Busters yet?
Did you read the "How to create your own plan" thread that was posted to you?
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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