The solution to not having proof is to GET PROOF. It does not resolve the problem to be an enabler while you stick your head in the sand.

Octo,

Here is the kind of thing we want to hear from you now, for example:

"I purchased two VAR for her car and our bedroom. I used velcro and duck taped to attach the VAR under the front drivers seat and I found a place to stash the other in our bedroom. When I return later this week I'll see if there is evidence and I'll report back here."

or "I decided a PI is a lot less expensive then divorce and went ahead and hired one."

or "I placed a keylogger on her phone and laptop."

You take some type of action to get the proof and come back so we can help you go forward. you don't confront your wife. If she is having an affair, she knows what she is up to already. But we can help you w/next steps.

The longer you wait to expose the affair, the harder it will be to bust up the affair. The clock is ticking. ..

Have you put spyware on her devices yet or a VAR in her vehicle?

I did plan A (not knowing it was plan A) for 2 weeks with my WW before I even discovered her A and marriage builders. Those 2 weeks did nothing because she was still in her affair. If anything, I was enabling the affair and it worked against me because she thought I was clueless(very unattractive). No matter how much you turn yourself around or what kind of incredible man you might become, you will never compare to the fantasy that OM represents in your WW's mind. Plan A won't work without exposure. Have you read "The Carrot and Stick of Plan A"?

You have to get evidence in order to expose and kill the affair. It's your family and you have to fight for it. Right now, you are the only one who can.

Oh that is just textbook WW fog babble. As long as there is a future with OM she is closed to you.

You need proper proof like yesterday. Call a PI! Do not fiddle while home burns.

fyi, Plan A *IS* exposure. That is the most critical part of Plan A.

In my opinion there is a 99% chance that your wife is having an affair. You don�t need proof for court unless you�re in an at fault state. What you need is proof for yourself, friends and family.

If you confront her with no proof she will say nothing is going on at all. She will only admit to what you have proof of and minimize. She will say that it�s an EA when it�s a PA etc. People will ask how can you possibly break up your family over �X�. You need an answer for what �X� is.

If it�s an EA people will say how can you break up your family over that? She never even touched him, etc. Without proof you will weaken when she�s crying, saying all the things you want to hear and telling you nothing happened.

You will want to believe her and your 99% suspicion will go to 10% without proof.

Well I f'd it up big time. She caught me snooping on her phone. I spilled about how I found the stuff and she of course denied anything. Now she is really pissed and I didn't get it uncovered.

Can you hire a private detective?

I know you said you can't afford a PI, but can you borrow some money to hire one?

Have you bought a VAR?

That just means you need to hurry. Preferably with a PI.

What is she upset about?

That's par for the course! She thought true love was waiting and now she is ashamed and confused. She's going to be treating you like a child murderer.

Relax, it's textbook. Just say you're sorry she's so ashamed of her affair. You're willing to build a great marriage with her and you will not ever help her keep an affair a secret.

Then go off and make a sandwich which she knashes and writhes like something in the exorcist.

She's being like a drunk person would be when you take the bottle away. Be soothing but firm.

I got the same question in my mind . What is she upset about?

I noticed she gaslighted me the night before. She said "My mom even accused me of having an affair. You and I know that isn't the case?" I just let it slide.

I confronted her with the browsing history and the oral sex lookup i found on her phone. I didn't tell her about the pics yet. She claimed the oral sex lookup was because I had been telling her I wanted her to spice up the bedroom but she couldn't see herself doing them with me because she doesn't love me. She was so upset because I was snooping and not listening to and believing the reasons she had been telling me (don't clean the house enough, ect).

I'm not sure how much more I will be able to get now. I'm sure she ran off and target hardened all of the stuff. I'm 95% certain she either texted the nudie photos or put them on her google drive. I saw she had logged into his google drive. And he had signed a text message xoxoxox to her. It had been work related, but who sends xoxoxox to a member of the opposite sex you are not related to? And who takes nudie photos of themself doing a sex act on their phone unless it is to send it to someone (especially when you haven't taken a nudie photo in 13 years)?

If I can't get any more data off the computer I feel like I'm going to have to just tell her about the pics, say I don't believe you, expose the evidence I have so far, and file for D to show I'm serious. Again I really don't want D, I want R, but I don't know how to knock her out of the fog without getting tough.

Its an addiction - sadly, you will be able to get more.

Just nod and let the dust settle.

I wouldn't confront her with the evidence. She already knows she is having an affair. You have quite a bit of evidence already, that at minimum is way beyond appropriate.
All her excuses are LAME attempts to get you off the track and back off.
Nobody looks up oral sex on the internet, coincidentally while having an inappropriate relationship with OM. That sounds like a teenager trying to lie out of getting caught with beer in their car. Pathetic.

She is deep in the fog and that itself is evidence of the affair. Adulterers all get upset when you accuse them of adultery. Nobody wants the "scarlet letter" attached to them.


Did you get a VAR yet? I guarantee you put a VAR in her car, and you will catch her talking to him. Be prepared for the filth you will hear, it will turn your stomach.

What is your point in trying to tell her and poo rove to her that you do not believe her??? SHE ALREADY KNOWS WHAT SHE IS DOING!!!

Just get enough evidence and do a complete Exposure to everyone who could possibly have influence over her.

Follow the Exposure 101 instructions and do them all in 1 day.

Quit trying to convince her.

LTL

Well it blew up for real. I got caught trying to get her phone records. I guess I suck at snooping.

I confronted her with all I had. She denied any affair. She said the photos were for her own reason, because she didn't feel beautiful. I told her I didn't believe her and she didn't care. I still find that very hard to believe because one of the photos was a sex act with fingers in there. Who takes that just for themselves? She said looking up oral sex was for me. She told me I didn't ever listen to her and she was extremely upset I was spying on her. She says she is going to file for legal separation.

I don't know what to believe anymore. Maybe she was telling the truth, but then she is the victim of the most unfortunate and odd set of circumstances ever.