The people I contact the most have been contacted via phone call. I wrote on the above post I would contact everyone, I do not see that as needed because on my contact list there are people I have not talked to in a long time.

Question I have,

If my w has asked me not contact her nor does she want to do the MB process with me, do I still give her all of my daily schedule via email with phone numbers etc... I am not saying calling her and letting her know where I am going, when I get there as I was doing via text before, but maybe in the morning email her with the my schedule?

I just had to email her about putting gas in my car for work as she controls all of our finances which I am fine with.

Just want to do the right thing and not push her further away.

I recieved an email back from Dr. H:

Here is what his email said:
I responded to your wife�s letter to me today, suggesting a few things she might do to restore her trust in you. I�m somewhat confused about the two failed polygraph tests, and wonder if you used two different examiners.
My general suggestion would be to spend as much time together as you can. I know that might be hard to do, since you are separated, but your wife really doesn�t want the marriage to end. She wants you to be honest with you about everything, and if you spend most of your time together, she can be a witness to what is really going on in your life.
As far as your affairs are concerned, you must take the same extraordinary precautions that I have taken throughout my life with Joyce, which is to never have a friend of the opposite sex, never do anything recreationally with someone of the opposite sex, never carpool with someone of the opposite sex, never engage in social media with someone of the opposite sex, etc., etc. To the extent that your wife is all you have when it comes to the opposite sex, she will become much more trusting.
Best wishes,
Dr. Harley

What does your BW think about what Dr. Harley recommends?

What do you think about what Dr. Harley recommends?

My w stated that she does not want to live as my babysitter and have to treat it like a parent child relationship and feels that I have left no other options than to be done with our marital relationship. She wrote me an email as I was reading Dr. H's email with the feeling that there is hope.

What I think about what Dr. H recommends is what I have been humbly asking my w to do. We have NEVER applied all of the different checklists, completed some of the questionnaires, but mostly not done the program together. I take the blame for this because I did hurt her during the process of us "trying" to work on it.

I told her that I will continue to try from afar even though I want to follow Dr. H's plan so bad. I do not want to force it nor annoy her any further. I am trying to give her space to figure out exactly what she wants to do. I realize also that my actions have placed her at this point and that the decision is not for me to make any longer. I will make the decisions that I know I need to make and make my life MB quality in hopes of a reconcialtion.

When she sent me the email today I felt her hurt throughout every word of the email. I wanted to hug her and tell her how sorry I have been as a man to her and how I want to make the neccessary changes/accountability to allow for the MB process to work.

I read and feel that Dr. H advice can fix my marraige and I will be writing him a response to answer his questions and figure out what he recommends now...

I hope that you all understand it is not about what "I" want to do. Reading the things she wrote in the email and knowing how much I have crushed her with my actions, I just want to make her happy and honor her as I should. If that means she separates and eventually divorces me, I will keep trying to the very end again without pestering her.

I feel like sadly I have not committed to a lot of things in my life, but I will commit to creating a loving and caring environment for my w and children. I do not want to just let them walk without me doing something about it.

I am listening to today's show now...

I took some of the advice of what Dr. H was giving the caller today to heart. Here is what I highlighted.
Right now for my w, gifts would be considered a show. Right now I cannot make any further withdrawals. Deposits will be very very few but I have to accept this. Do not preach to her (I have done this before) which is very dumb of me and I have stopped that behavior. Text her without being annoying. The contact if any need to be pleasant for and to her.

I am not saying that we are in the same situation as the caller today, but I think some of the principles in which Dr. H gave could help one step at a time.

In viewing your posting something keeps standing out and rubs me wrong about your discussing your efforts. You might want to re read your own posts.

You comment that you are "trying" over and over in many posts.

This is the kind of thing a kid says to his Mother or teacher in response to a disappointment. It sounds insincere and half committed. It's the wrong attitude or projection. Your wife needs an adult who gets the job done. This projection of "trying" sounds like theatre and not the real deal.

Think about it. If I were standing next to you and I asked you to please pick up your shoes off the floor would you respond by saying "I'll try to pick them up" ?

No. If you respected me and agreed you would just do it.

Perhaps you are in the habit of saying I'll try as an affirmation but at this point it's likely best to be straight.

Say what you will or will not do. Most important use positive actions.

"Trying" can easily be interpreted as:

I will think about this action step but if something else more compelling comes along I might actually do that instead.

This might be more representative of your younger self you have not fully given up.

An action step now might be to edit the ambivalent language so your wife does not feel she is standing on quicksand so to speak.

Go forward using language that is caring and confident in your words and actions.