Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#2855624 05/27/15 12:24 PM
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,025
M
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,025
Just thought us exposure junkies would love to hear the news that a hacker infiltrated the adultery website AdultFriendFinder, copied it's database and has now published the data. It's available out there to search somehow. Maybe when I have time I'll seek it out but a search may reveal things about people you know in your communities.

Here's an article on the subject: [url=http://money.cnn.com/2015/05/22/technology/adult-friendfinder-hacked/][/url]

It's strange how some of the attention is on the supposed misdeeds of the hacker exposing this super personal information and hurting people. When actually this should be a lesson that the truth always catches up on adulterers. There is an army of people trying to get this information and information from other websites like ashleymadison. There are also people posing as users, setting up meetings and taking pictures and identifying people using these websites. These websites are not guaranteed anonymous or even secure and even years later some hacker will find the info and publish it and other people like us here will help the information along.

If anyone here discovers someone they know on the list that is supposedly out there somewhere, maybe we could discuss it here on this thread and encourage and instruct posters on how to go about telling the spouses of these people that their spouse has been cheating on them. If only for their health, they need to know their spouse is hooking up with mentally ill strangers on the internet.



FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 863
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 863
I wish I had skills like that. Whoever did that deserves a pat on the back.


Remarried 7/16
Thanks MB!
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Originally Posted by nmwb77
I wish I had skills like that. Whoever did that deserves a pat on the back.

He didnt do it to be moral.
He did it because his friend advertises for the website and had not been paid per their contract.

Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 863
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 863
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Originally Posted by nmwb77
I wish I had skills like that. Whoever did that deserves a pat on the back.

He didnt do it to be moral.
He did it because his friend advertises for the website and had not been paid per their contract.

Ha ha. Well, the end result was still a win for decency.


Remarried 7/16
Thanks MB!
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991
The enemy of my enemy is my friend. Yep, still a win!

Exposure remains one of the best things I have ever done, so I am all for it- intentional or not. WH is still tying himself in knots over the internet exposure of the OW, so I know it was the right thing.


Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Originally Posted by MrWondering
Just thought us exposure junkies would love to hear the news that a hacker infiltrated the adultery website AdultFriendFinder, copied it's database and has now published the data. It's available out there to search somehow. Maybe when I have time I'll seek it out but a search may reveal things about people you know in your communities.

Here's an article on the subject: [url=http://money.cnn.com/2015/05/22/technology/adult-friendfinder-hacked/][/url]

It's strange how some of the attention is on the supposed misdeeds of the hacker exposing this super personal information and hurting people. When actually this should be a lesson that the truth always catches up on adulterers. There is an army of people trying to get this information and information from other websites like ashleymadison. There are also people posing as users, setting up meetings and taking pictures and identifying people using these websites. These websites are not guaranteed anonymous or even secure and even years later some hacker will find the info and publish it and other people like us here will help the information along.

If anyone here discovers someone they know on the list that is supposedly out there somewhere, maybe we could discuss it here on this thread and encourage and instruct posters on how to go about telling the spouses of these people that their spouse has been cheating on them. If only for their health, they need to know their spouse is hooking up with mentally ill strangers on the internet.


That article is very oddly written in its bias. It says a naval officer was 'outed' for supposedly cheating on his wife.

Supposedly?

Nahhh, I'm sure he was there on that site looking for groceries.

Why not just state the facts that he was on there? I've never seen biased used to play DOWN the story.




Last edited by indiegirl; 05/28/15 02:59 AM.

What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 25
J
JBD Offline
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 25
Now is that info usable in court? It is out there, but just because it is out there is there a legal snafu with how it was obtained?

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Well im not an attorney but my understanding is that courts require proof.
so if a person goes to the judge and says, I found this on a hacker website and it says my wife is looking for a lover...
the judge will ask if the website has certified that to be accurate.

In a court hearing, I had an email from Dr. Harley which i wanted to show the judge. She told me, I cant even read that because I dont know that it came from him. I would have needed a sworn affidavit (duly notarized) for the judge to even consider it as evidence

Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 968
Likes: 1
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 968
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Originally Posted by nmwb77
I wish I had skills like that. Whoever did that deserves a pat on the back.

He didnt do it to be moral.
He did it because his friend advertises for the website and had not been paid per their contract.

I don't think he did it for that reason, or at least I did not read anything alluding to that.

Hackers do things like this because they can. They look for targets that exhibit certain vulnerabilities which they find attractive, and if the target itself isn't too high of a risk, they hack it. While it's possible these guys were hacked because of who they are, it's more likely that they were hacked because the lapses in their web server security presented an attractive opportunity.

From the sound of this article, it looks like he already had a copy of their data in hand and then basically turned the deal into a protection racket. When they refused, he published the data, probably on P2P/bit torrent networks.

"Do it because they can" sounds pretty morbid but realize some hackers are just curious and will hack targets without abusing them. They are just wanting to see if it can be done or enjoy the process. Or they report the vulnerability to the company itself out of charity, if they're nice guys.


Happily remarried to wonderful woman who I found using the guidelines in "Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders"
2 baby boys, working on #3 and couldn't ask for anything more.

When my ex's affair happened: BH 28, Ex-WW:29
Married: 7 years
Together: 8 years
D-day: 10/5/2014
D filed: 1/22/2015
D Final: 6/4/2015

My story
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 968
Likes: 1
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 968
Likes: 1
There are some ethical hackers out (and "ethical" ones who support unethical causes) who take people down for moral reasons but they are usually big on self promotion and claiming victories on social media and such.


Happily remarried to wonderful woman who I found using the guidelines in "Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders"
2 baby boys, working on #3 and couldn't ask for anything more.

When my ex's affair happened: BH 28, Ex-WW:29
Married: 7 years
Together: 8 years
D-day: 10/5/2014
D filed: 1/22/2015
D Final: 6/4/2015

My story
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,025
M
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,025
Originally Posted by JBD
Now is that info usable in court? It is out there, but just because it is out there is there a legal snafu with how it was obtained?

So the key is to blindside the cheating horror at a deposition. Catch them off guard and hopefully get them to admit it, explain it and thereby authenticate it and discuss it. Then it's admissible.

Even if the judge discards it, the judge is still the one deciding the case and might not be able to help taking it into consideration as one more fact indicating that the cheating spouse is a complete jerk, unreliable as a witness and probably a complete liar.

Finally, depositions survive divorce cases and will forever be a source of verifiable information even years down the road for young children who later become adults and wonder what really happened so many years before between their parents. Without documenting misdeeds such as adultery and using adult friend finder or other hook up website, the x-wayward spouse is completely free to TRY to re-write history and put all the blame on the betrayed spouse. Teenagers are narcissists and good time wayward parent sometimes seems like a good deal and they can spin a story around to make you look really bad YEARS down the road. Even faking documents. Therefore, document the misdeeds of your wayward spouse in a deposition...even if it doesn't make it into the court record or trial. Heck, most divorces never make it to trial so the deposition IS then the ONLY fully trustworthy historical record.


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
The deposition is a great idea.
Already, only 3 years after divorce, my ex wife is trying to convince the kids she did not have an affair.

Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,788
Likes: 2
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,788
Likes: 2
I have a friend whose mother had an affair shortly after she and her twin brother were born while their father was away in the army. The affair was never exposed and, after the divorce, she was introduced to boyfriend and then second husband as the 'new' man.

She grew up hearing terrible stories about her father as told by her mother. She was told he abandoned them. No mention of the affair.

The reality, which she discovered 20 years later when she finally met him, was that he was living just 30 miles away. He was an enchanting person and stayed away because he was told by her that his children wanted nothing to do with him. He faithfully supported his children financially.

Expose even if you have no intention of recovering!


3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 900
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 900
Originally Posted by living_well
Expose even if you have no intention of recovering!

SOOOO true!

My husband's first wife had an affair during their marriage. She left him for her OW, and they are still in their affairage to this day (35 years later.) The WW also got the nanny to kidnap my husband and her's 6-month-old son, so that my husband did not get to live with his son from that time on.

In a (mistaken) effort to be the good guy, my husband never told his son the true story about his mother and his now-step-Dad. When the son finally found out the truth (when he was 30+ years old), his world was knocked out from underneath him. He had understood from his mom that his Dad has abandoned the family. It never occurred to my husband that his son didn't know the true story. Finding out that his world was NOT what he had always thought has been a huge hurdle for my husband's son. He really is having trouble dealing with it, five years later.

Had my husband given his son the truth when he was old enough to understand, things might have been very different.

I have come to see that it is actually cruel NOT to expose.


Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,116 guests, and 67 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5