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I hope she follows through with it indiegirl....he needs to be reminded there are rules to follow.


M: 47 H: 52
H asked for divorce: 3/31/15
H Moved out: 4/7/15
H Took divorce off the table: 4/17/15
I filed for divorce: 5/18/15
I entered Plan B: 5/21/15
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Originally Posted by Ginger872
I hope she follows through with it indiegirl....he needs to be reminded there are rules to follow.

You can insist she does, Ginger. Your lawyer works for you. Tell her you want the contempt to be filed or at least a strong letter sent to WH's attorney that contempt will be filed should he ignore the order any more. WH's will not be able to play dumb about it once he/she is informed and should slap him for you.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Originally Posted by Ginger872
H told the buyer when she texted him that he won't do anything until he talks to his attorney on Mon. He'll drag this out as long as possible I'm sure.

You are better off accepting that he will be a jerk about the house. Knowing this, at the next hearing you should ask that you have a lot more authority in dealing with the home sale. There is no point in pretending he will not be difficult. You can even have language in there that if he does not act in good faith and you need to file and Ex Parte motion for the judge to authorize X, Y and Z that he will incur all legal costs for doing so. If you can not have sole authorization under a given set of circumstances (i.e. the sales price is within 5% of the list price so you don't need WH's authorization) then at least have some language that he must respond within 24, 48 hrs etc when you (IM) notify him that a response is needed. After the time has passed without a response you can make the decision.

There are a lot of ways you can work this but I would make sure your lawyer designs the agreement to cut him out as much as possible when it comes to the home sale and warn him upfront that he will face paying for the legal expenses to make the home sale happen. Put WH and his attorney on notice. He doesn't live there so he shouldn't care when the house closes. Cut out as much nonsense as you can in the next hearing.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Thank you black_raven, I appreciate the valuable information. I plan to speak to my attorney when she returns to the office this week, and I will be prepared with my questions and requests.

I am well aware of what to expect from him, its still shocking when it happens though. I am working hard on gathering details and info, trying to remain one step ahead of him at all times.

I think going forward the judge will now see his true behavior, its going to be the same judge we had in the first hearing, and I don't think she'll be so willing to trust him this next time around.

I will be prepared though, because I now know what to expect from him. I've been journaling everything, keeping and printing copies of anything I think will be good to give my attorney, and documenting things going on around me. If he thinks I'm his timid, stupid, pushover soon-to-be exwife....he's sadly mistaken!


M: 47 H: 52
H asked for divorce: 3/31/15
H Moved out: 4/7/15
H Took divorce off the table: 4/17/15
I filed for divorce: 5/18/15
I entered Plan B: 5/21/15
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Do you have a copy of the judge's decision? If he continues to show up unannounced, you should call the police.

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I have a copy of the temporary petition... But his attorney and him were dragging their feet to sign it, so my attorney sent them notice it would be filed 2 fridays ago, and they would have 5 days to object to anything, which was last friday. I haven't gotten an update since because my attorney has been out of the office.

I wish I had called the sheriff both times, but I wasn't sure if doing it would do me any good after he spun things to his favor the last time. But I suppose it would at least be on record that way.


M: 47 H: 52
H asked for divorce: 3/31/15
H Moved out: 4/7/15
H Took divorce off the table: 4/17/15
I filed for divorce: 5/18/15
I entered Plan B: 5/21/15
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My lawyer called me this morning with some updates, H refuses to use the intermediary to contact me, he said he wants to text me. I told her no, she knows he's been intimidating and controlling towards me. I said H is the kind of man that you give an inch, and he takes a mile, and I refuse to have contact with him. I told her if I agree to let him text, then pretty soon it turns into phone calls, and then he gets angry with something, and then it gets harassing. I told her I had no choice in this situation when he had the affair, and I had many many things I had to learn to deal with.......he's just going to have to learn to deal with a few things too.

Then she says he's going to FINALLY pay for the lawn mower repair, and have it delivered it to the house on Mon. He said he'll cut the lawn for me, and as much as I'd like him to have to deal with it because it is so overgrown it's going to be hard to cut, I told her no, I didn't need his help. I asked her why he wants to cut it, and I guess his reason was because he knows there's a section of steep hills in front I don't like to cut. So my question is why all of a sudden does he care about me, and what I need? He never gave a crap before! I'd rather fight with it myself than let him do it. He still hasn't even finished the garage.....he'd probably start this, and not finish this either. My lawyer did say she had the feeling it was because he was going to try to take it with him when he was done mowing.

A bit of good news tho.....I'm in the negotiation process with the potential buyers of our home. H finally gave me a range of prices to work with, and I'm good with that range. The other good news, is the buyers gave me till Friday to come to a final price with them, so it looks like I may be moving after all! That's great news....it's one step closer to my indepenance!



M: 47 H: 52
H asked for divorce: 3/31/15
H Moved out: 4/7/15
H Took divorce off the table: 4/17/15
I filed for divorce: 5/18/15
I entered Plan B: 5/21/15
Joined: May 2015
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Just a quick update. The house sold last night, and I'm excited for new possibilities! I have to be out by late August, and right now I'm planning to move to an apartment, and board the ponies, till I can decide what I really want to do, and until I know what will happen after the divorce is final. This will be a good opportunity for me to get away from all the memories in this house, and to hopefully put a stop to H just stopping over.


M: 47 H: 52
H asked for divorce: 3/31/15
H Moved out: 4/7/15
H Took divorce off the table: 4/17/15
I filed for divorce: 5/18/15
I entered Plan B: 5/21/15
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congratulations!! hurray


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Thank you Melody!!! smile


M: 47 H: 52
H asked for divorce: 3/31/15
H Moved out: 4/7/15
H Took divorce off the table: 4/17/15
I filed for divorce: 5/18/15
I entered Plan B: 5/21/15
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I was thinking about your situation Ginger and just caught up on the news about the house. Awesome update! Happy for you. smile

New opportunities and positive changes will make this road so much easier. You're making great things happen here. You are strong.


Happily remarried to wonderful woman who I found using the guidelines in "Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders"
2 baby boys, working on #3 and couldn't ask for anything more.

When my ex's affair happened: BH 28, Ex-WW:29
Married: 7 years
Together: 8 years
D-day: 10/5/2014
D filed: 1/22/2015
D Final: 6/4/2015

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Congrats Ginger!




What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Yay!







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Thank you very much for the congrats! I am so excited! The next month will be challenging, but I'll get thru it. Still don't have a place to live, or board the ponies, but I'm looking!!

My attorney finally filed the contempt case today, and H should have been notified this afternoon. He hasn't been making his maintenance payments, and he didn't make Junes house payment either. He hasn't provided anything the court appointed him to turn over either. Hopefully this wakes him up a bit.


M: 47 H: 52
H asked for divorce: 3/31/15
H Moved out: 4/7/15
H Took divorce off the table: 4/17/15
I filed for divorce: 5/18/15
I entered Plan B: 5/21/15
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 350
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Hey all! smile I hope everyone is well! I'm doing very good, finally settled, and thought I'd better get back here finally to update my situation. A big THANK YOU to the mods also for getting me set back up with some revised account info so I could post again!

Where to start...LOL! After moving out of the house, I moved to an apartment about 40 min from where I was living, which was even farther away from the restaurant. I thought I'd have more opportunities there, which I did, I was offered a full time job, but just realized where I was living wasn't where my heart was anymore. There was nothing but bad memories in that area, and I was so far away from family. So I turned the job down, packed up yet again, last month, and moved 3 hours away to be near family, my real support system. I'm only minutes away from my sister, and her family! My mom comes down to visit us quite often, and stays with me. We've all gotten quite close. The minute I left the area I had been living in, all the stress, and pressure just disappeared. I've been very happy here in my new surroundings, and I like to say I'm only 13 min away from never being lonely again! My sister and I are very close, and those moments I need someone to pick me up, I just swing by her place, and get the love and support I need. I adore my niece and nephew, and cannot get enough hugs and kisses from those two! It feels great to be here, and be involved in family again!

I've been interviewing for jobs, and I'm just a couple steps away from getting a full time job here, with benefits! It's one more step to finally being completely independent.......the old me, finally!

As you can tell, I have not gone back to my old life, with my ex. He will never change! He is still with his AP, and he has made quite the mockery out of himself in that little town. The employees at the restaurant are mostly her friends and family, and she still works there as well. He started a new Facebook page for the business, and she posts photos of the two of them arm and arm, flaunting the affair. He allows it, which is even more disgusting! The police busted in one Friday night, and arrested one of the cooks for meth, which he had thrown in the garbage, but was spotted doing so.....thankfully. Most of his good employees have quit because of who he hired. Him and his AP fight constantly, and I'm continually hearing stories. The restaurant is in debt, and going into the slow winter season, he's been missing my weekly payments on and off because of this. I've tried not to be involved at all, though he keeps pulling me in with his attempts to control me, though it's through the attorney's, we have no contact, and he still does not know where I live. The judge had forced us to communicate with each other 4 months ago, but he wanted to control everything, and it just didn't work, so we no longer speak.

The best part for me was when my attorney emailed me to let me know he was recently arrested, early last month, for domestic disorderly conduct, and criminal damage. Apparently him and his AP were having a good old fight, he flew into a rage, and pushed everything off the mantel. He continued to rage at her, so she called the cops on him. Even more hilarious, she had yet another warrant out for her arrest, and was taken in to jail too. He bailed both him and her out......using marital property money of course. He has no shame though, people have told me he talks about it at the restaurant, and when they tell him what bad news she is, he said he stays with her because no one else wants him. I find that truly sad, but he did it to himself. I do feel somewhat of a bit of relief though, because now maybe people get a glimpse into what I went through with him, and his rage. That is classic behavior for him.

I am doing AMAZING!! I'm down 113 lbs! People who haven't seen me for years, say they don't even recognize me. Yay! I no longer grieve for him or the marriage, I realize how negatively it effected me, how he had me believing I was such a bad person. I never left because I didn't think I was strong enough, or worthy, and had I known then what I know now, just how strong I could be, and how positive, I would have left YEARS ago!! I choose to live with no regrets, my life has shaped me to be who I am today, and that is one heck of a strong, capable woman! I have a ways to go, it's a process, but I am well on my way.

He's still trying to bring me down. He's filed all sorts of demands on me through the court, and I have to appear on Jan 14th before the judge to settle these demands. He can still put the fear of God in me, because I get carried right back to standing in front of him when he's raging, but I quickly remember he cannot hurt me anymore, these are just his feeble attempts to control me, because he can't control me anymore, and he knows it. My attorney reminds me when he sends these demands, that I am the one improving my life, taking steps to build a better life for myself, and he is living with a drunk, and getting himself arrested. LOL.....she's right! But I am very happy right where I am, and leading a very healthy life! I go out with friends, tomorrow I'm going to a movie with an old college room mate I used to live with, she only lives 20 min from me now! I'm living for me, and no one else, it feels great!

Once I get a full time job, my attorney said she'll be able to push the divorce through sooner, because she'll be able to tie up the financial loose ends. I'm waiting for that day! The day I can finally cut ties, and never have to see him again! LOL!


M: 47 H: 52
H asked for divorce: 3/31/15
H Moved out: 4/7/15
H Took divorce off the table: 4/17/15
I filed for divorce: 5/18/15
I entered Plan B: 5/21/15
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Wow! What a fantastic update! Im so happy to hear from you!


BW-27
FWH-31
DS-6
Married several years
D-Day- 11/22/13
Plan A+Exposure
NC+Beginning of Recovery-04/2014

In Recovery and happier and more in love than ever
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Great update! Happy to hear it!


Remarried 7/16
Thanks MB!
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This is an awesome update. So happy for you!

Between my own situation and the stuff I read on here, it is truly amazing to me what people do once they become wayward. I do very much understand why some mistakenly rush to call it "mid life crisis" or whatnot because it's like people just fall off the edge of reason. Their entire decision making ability just seems to crumble and whatever identity or semblance of who they were just ceases to exist in many cases. It's very bizarre.

Some of management at my work knew my WXW fairly well before she was wayward because we would all hang out now and then and it's like how you describe your husband's former employees reacting. They usually say she just "snapped" if the topic comes up, like she just went off the rails or the lights went out. I have said very little about my situation at work....but, people see that wayward mindset and even if they can't connect the dots between the irrationality and infidelity, they can identify that something went very wrong.

There are SO many misconceptions about cheating and infidelity because of how it's portrayed in the media and it's just interesting to me that when people get close to it in real life as observers, they are so strongly impressioned by the symptoms even if they don't understand the disease.


Happily remarried to wonderful woman who I found using the guidelines in "Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders"
2 baby boys, working on #3 and couldn't ask for anything more.

When my ex's affair happened: BH 28, Ex-WW:29
Married: 7 years
Together: 8 years
D-day: 10/5/2014
D filed: 1/22/2015
D Final: 6/4/2015

My story
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dance2


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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So happy for you, to be able to breathe and to feel free must be amazing for you....I think you got the best xmas present of all......YOU!!!


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
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