Hello,

My Wife and I have been married for 4 years. She's 22 and I'm 28. We both have two children together, 3 years and 1 year.

She recently came to me back in January of this year and told me that she wanted a separation, Now she doesn't want a separation and doesn't want a divorce. She keeps claiming that she's confused about us and how she needs to feel better about herself before she can feel better about our relationship.

She admitted to cheating on my physically a few weeks ago while at her Dad's in Vegas. She met him online while she was out there. Supposedly protected, and that she's had no further communication with him since then, although she did give him her number.

A long story short, I finally figured out her passcode and got into her phone and I'm finding out that she's talking to three different men on an app called Kik Messenger. That was a few days ago, she could be talking to more now for all I know.

She's sent multiple topless photos to all three of these guys. There's also been alot of sexual talk between them all aswell. From what I can tell, it looks like two out of the three have just been sex talk, and the other one might be more serious. From what it looks like, she's stopped talking to the other two and continues to talk to the more serious one.

One of the guys she was talking to mentioned about how they would need to have distraction for a night, whatever that meant.
She's called one of them.

There's one that looks more serious, there's been alot of casual conversation with some flirting and some sex talk mixed in with one guy.

Of course, she's telling me that she's not talking to any guys anymore, she said she sent topless photos in the past because she wanted attention and wanted to feel like she mattered to somebody. She said want's to be honest with me. She lied right to my face with that statement. I caught her the other day combing her back back and taking a selfie, no doubt it was intended for somebody.

None of these guys shes talking to know that she's married. She keeps telling them that I'm her ex. She's even gone so far as to tell them that I've beat her in a drunken rage in front of our kids! Of course that's never happened.

She's not even telling these guys her real name, she keeps giving a false name and giving a false story about how shes always working all the time and going to school. None of that is true either of course.

None of these guys she actually knows in real life. She met them all on the internet. I'm not really sure if the typical exposure will work here as there's more than one guy she's talking to.

I really haven't had a chance to thoroughly go through her phone yet. It's just been quick looks so far. I need to gather some more intel and really find out what's going on. As I don't know how long she's been talking to these guys for.


It's a really strange situation, because my Wife and I still make love regularly but there's no intimacy and affection anymore, and she keeps saying she''s confused. I think I'm more confused than her at this point.

Thanks
Nick

If you are serious about seeking help, you are going to have to pare that down to a couple of paragraphs. Nobody has the time to read all of that.

WElcome to Marriage Builders, Nick. Please cut that down to about 3 short paragraphs so people will have time to read your story. We don't need a novel.

I can't edit it now, so it's too late for that.

It's not editable anymore.

How about just making another post in this thread summarizing your story?

What we need to know is:

What is the problem today? I take it your wife is having an affair. How long has this been going on, and what stage has it reached? Is she about to leave you? How does she meet up with OM?

Who is this OM? Is he a schoolfriend who reconnected via the Internet, is he a colleague...or what? Is he married? Have you confronted him about the affair?

How long have you been married? How old are your kids? Who among your close family and friends knows about the affair?

We've been married for 4 years, we have 2 children ages 3 and 1 year. I'm 28 and my Wife is 22.

She originally was hell bent on wanting a separation back in January, but has since changed her mind several weeks ago.

My Wife admitted to me that when she was out visiting her Dad in Vegas for a week that she "hooked" up with some guy that she met online while out there. She said it was consensual and that it was wrong. She told me that she was acting like she was single while she was out there. I really didn't press her much for more information as I was in shock and still trying to process what she just told me. She told me that she just had to tell me and she couldn't keep it from me. She did say that she told her best friend first before telling me.

Another week goes by and we ended up having quite a deep conversation again. She started telling me that she noticed that I was changing and that she was starting to become attracted to me again, and falling for me again. Then she started talking about how great in bed I am etc. But then she stated that she needs to start feeling better about herself first before she can start feeling better about our relationship. I then finally got her to cough up more information on the guy she physically cheated on me with while in Vegas. She started talking about how it "wasn't really that good" and that he promised her that she would have a good time and that she was disappointed. I thought that was a very strange thing to tell your husband but alright.

I guess she was drunk and her ride abandoned her and that's when this guy invited her back to his hotel room to sleep there for the night. She told me that she gave him her phone number, but that he hasn't tried talking to her since then, atleast that's what she told me anyways. At that point, I was still believing her and trusting her even though she cheated on me.

I was finally able to get into her phone. The first thing I went to go check was her text messages. I decided to check some of her older text messages from back in January when she first stated that she wanted a separation. And low and behold, she was texting some guy and I started scrolling up to the earlier messages between her and whoever this guy was and I find two topless photos from her to this person. There's been no communication between the two since February 4. At that point, I was already devastated, but I continued to play along anyways.

But what really started troubling me, was not so much the topless photos. It was her behavior in these text messages. It was like she was acting out to be a totally different person.

She using a different name when she was texting this person. Apparently her name to this guy was Jaycee Klayton, and not her real name. And that she has a job and goes to school full time. Now none of that is true. She currently does not have a job and she doesn't goto school. Now these are things that she's expressed that she wants to do to feel better about herself, but as of now she isn't doing any of it other than applying for jobs.

Now, her childhood friend just recently got fired from her job, right. So, after my Wife found out about it from her, she started telling this guy that she was texting that she just got fired from her job aswell! This was right after she found out that her friend got fired. Is that not peculiar behavior or what? It's almost as if she's trying to imitate her best friend for some odd reason. It's also strange because her friend's name is very similar to this fake name that my Wife is using.

Now mind you, she has alot of different messaging and social media apps on her phone. Ovoo, Kik Messenger, WhatsApp, LINE, and a new one that she just can't stop using called Whisper. She did have Facebook but recently deactivated it because it was causing her too much drama.

I guess her Dad was telling me that she told him that she was noticing my changes and that we're talking alot more now, but that she's confused.

Now here is where it's about to get even weirder. I decided to go through her phone again two nights ago. This time I chose to go through that Kik Messenger app as she seems to always be getting notifications of new messages...

Let's just say that when I thought it couldn't possibly get any worse, it just did at that moment. She was talking to three different guys, the other two she wasn't actively talking to anymore, one guy she still is. Even up to this point right now she still is. I don't know how far back she's been talking to him for, it seemed like the more I kept scrolling up, the more messages there are. So I have to assume it's been for awhile. But I'm going to check again to see how exactly far back the conversation has been going on for.

Anyways, she AGAIN sent not one, but multiple topless photos to two of the three guys she was talking to in Kik messenger. One of the guys she actually called on the phone and said that his voice sounded hot.

The other guy sent her a half naked picture back to her, to which her response was all kinds of intimate responses I'd care not to repeat. One of the other guys had said that he'd like to bend her over! THIS IS MY WIFE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HERE! mad

Then she starts going on about how she's a great cook, and really loves cooking, etc. And about how she's going to move to Vegas soon.

One of the other guys she was talking to started saying how they would need to have a distraction for one night. My Wife seemed to be intrigued. Then she stated about how she hasn't had sex "since that bad night in Vegas". Well that obviously isn't true considering that me and her have been "doing it" quite often.

Of course, none of the guys she's talking to now her real name, or the fact that we're married. She keeps referring to me as her "ex" to these guys. In fact, she actually told two of them that I've beaten her in a drunken rage one night infront of our kids and that was the reason why she left me! Of course the guys were very sympathetic towards calling me all kinds of names like an a-hole, etc, and that she doesn't deserve that.

Now, I do have an anger issue I'll admit that, and I'm doing a very good job of getting through it. But I've NEVER put my hands on her in any, way, shape, or form in any abusive way whatsoever. I was raised better then that. I just wanted to clear the air on that for anybody that have second thoughts.

So later that night, she actually came to me and we started talking. She went on about the cheating of course with that one guy in Vegas. But then she admitted to talking to three guys AT ONE TIME back in January. And that she was doing it for attention because she claimed that they made her feel sexy and wanted.

I stated to her myself that I've never called her sexy in our entire 5 year relationship. To which she replied, "And you've never called my beautiful".

So then she says that she stopped talking to two of them, but the other one she still talks to once in a while because she claims that she has a connection with him and that she doesn't want to give up,. Apparently this other guy is even older than me (he's 30), lives in NY and has three kids. She said that it was starting to turn intimate but that this guy apparently has a girlfriend and she started getting suspicious so that's when they decided to call it off and just remain friends.

Anyways, she then goes on to say that she ISN'T TALKING TO ANY GUYS LIKE THAT ANYMORE. Now, this is obviously a bold faced lie, because she's currently talking to guys right now on Kik Messenger using a fake name, and a fake story about how I beat her.

I find that very betraying considering that she told me that she wants to be honest with me. Yet she can't even tell me everything?

So then I ask her if she considers us separated, she goes off and says no but that it's complicated. She repeated multiple times that she doesn't want a divorce. And she mentioned again for what now has to be the third time about how I'm changing for the better and that's she's confused and feels pressured.

She then says that she doesn't want to lead me on and doesn't want me to think that just because we have sex, that everything is okay now. She then says that she just can't take me back right now and act like everything is going to be the way it use to be. She then proclaims that she's starting to like me again, but that I've tried changing in the past and it would only last a few weeks and I'd go back to the way I use to be.

In fact, I actually caught her last night in the living room combing her hair back and taking a selfie, I wonder who that picture was intended for? I managed to take a quick peak at the notifications on her unlock screen, and there it was...three new Kik Messenger messages. I wonder who it was hmm?

The thing is, she's talking to these guys on this Kik messenger right in front of me! Of course she trys and hide it.


These guys aren't some that she actually knows beyond just meeting them on the internet. I have no idea how long the communication has been going on for. I will be finding that out soon.

Nick, CUT IT BACK!!!

We really don't need to know what she said on Thursday, and what she said different on Friday.

1. Is she having an affair? Will she agree to end it? If she says it is over, do you suspect it is still going on? Why?

2. How does she hook up with the guy?

3. Who is he?

4. Have you confronted him?

For people that don't feel like reading the whole post, I made a shortened version here.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2876922#Post2876922

Yes, she's having an emotional affair online with several different men. This is after mind you she told me a few days ago that she's no longer talking to guys anymore and wants to be honest with me. Lied to my face.

I don't know how long it's been going on for, it looks like to me atleast several weeks. But I did find older text messages from one other guy dating back to mid January when my wife first stated that she wanted a separation.

What stage has it reached? Well, she's sending these guys topless photos and having sexual conversations with them. I'd say that's pretty serious.

They don't know that she's married as she keeps telling them that I'm her ex. She's also using a fake name and giving them a fake story about how I beat her infront of her kids after a heavy session of drinking.

And this is all going on at the same time that she's telling me that she's confused and feels pressureed about our relationship. Yet were still making love on a regular basis. So to be honest, I don't know what level it's at. She did admit to me that she was sending naked pictures and talking to guys online to seek attention and feel wanted.

I don't know who these OM's are, I haven't gotten that far in my research yet.

She doesn't know them apart from meeting them online.

NICK. You are not going to get much help here if you continue to post needless, superfluous information. You make it way too hard to follow your story. Please summarize your story and take out the blow by blows. THREE short paragraphs is plenty enough to describe your situation.

Your first post was 5,000 words long, and your second, nearly 2000 words. Could you aim for 500?

3 paragraphs wouldn't even be enough to describe a quarter of it.

So are you not going to bother?

People have posted about 12 year affairs here, without writing all the details of every year and every conversation.

1. Is she having an affair? Will she agree to end it? If she says it is over, do you suspect it is still going on? Why?

2. How does she hook up with the guy?

3. Who is he?

4. Have you confronted him?

YEs, it would. We don't need all this superfluous information to understand your situation. We don't need a blow by blow of what she said on Friday and what she said on Tuesday. People will NEVER be able to follow your story if they have to read through a novel to get it. You can summarize your story without narrating every conversation you had for the past 6 months.

I answered those questions already in the other thread.

You need to summarize your situation in 3-4 short paragraphs if you want to get help here.

Read this to see how it is done: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2868234#Post2868234

It would be nice if this place could allow more then 10 minutes to edit a post. I'm not about to make another one.

Nick,

How about answering Sugar's questions and then people will ask for more details as they need them? You have some expert people ready to help you.

1. Is she having an affair? Will she agree to end it? If she says it is over, do you suspect it is still going on? Why?

2. How does she hook up with the guy?

3. Who is he?

4. Have you confronted him?

She's bi-polar, and an alcoholic and a drug user? is that right?

And you're addicted to porn and have an anger problem? Correct?