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Joined: Sep 2014
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**EDIT**
Moderator's note: I have already emailed you privately and instructed you to stop quarreling with the other posters. Please do stop.
Last edited by Mizar; 02/18/16 08:59 PM.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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I didn't overlook it. It's been good advice from all...whether communicated nicely or more forcefully.
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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I'm not going to respond to any personal comments about my opinions about approach. I never called anyone out personally, but I am personally called out. You scolded the posters who were posting to Always and identified them by the advice they gave. It was very offensive.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708
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Plan B isn't giving up.
It is choosing yourself over the drama. Win.
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Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 50
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Maybe that is my struggle. Coming to terms with giving up. It goes against my being...not being a quitter. So how do I balance that with Plan B? Don't think of it as being a quitter, but it does feel - to me anyway - like you want to continue to be *caretaker* for your WH. I think you did play that role, what with his other issues, and you don't seem able to let go of that....always wondering what he's thinking, or why he did this or that. Always, hunny, you've got to let it go. He's on his own. That's what Plan B is all about. He's on his own to make his mistakes, and you are insulated from it to begin to heal.
Once I was BW. Now happily RE-married!
I was there. It's painful. It's hard.
But it's totally doable and worth it.
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Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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My court date looms in less than a week. Sigh. Getting nervous. Not sure how I should act when we are in the same room that doesn't further inflame the situation. Divorce is ugly in nature. How to prevent reactions to him probably purposefully goading me.
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 50
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My court date looms in less than a week. Sigh. Getting nervous. Not sure how I should act when we are in the same room that doesn't further inflame the situation. Divorce is ugly in nature. How to prevent reactions to him probably purposefully goading me. Do you have to be present? Maybe best not to be there. I was scared, too. Then WH didn't even show up! His attorney handled it all, and everything else was done between them, and truth be told, I probably didn't even need to be there, either.
Once I was BW. Now happily RE-married!
I was there. It's painful. It's hard.
But it's totally doable and worth it.
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Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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We both are ordered to appear. It's an early resolution management conference. It's one of the only things we BOTH have to be present for. Neither of us have attorneys...I do pay an hourly rate to an atty who prepares the paperwork properly since he filed on his own.
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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In plan B...how long do I stay off FB? I'm not friends with WH nor any of his friends or family any longer...so how long do I need to stay off?
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428 |
Advice on how I should behave in our mediation coming up this coming Thursday the 3rd?
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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Posts: 428 |
Non love busting in an already contentious situation.
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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Posts: 428 |
It will be the first time since I've seen WH since Oct 31st....
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,438 Likes: 4
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,438 Likes: 4 |
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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Yes. It's the only court appearance I am ordered to attend.
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428 |
Having some fall out from exposure. My WH is telling my IM that he WAS thinking of reconciling...but...I guess the exposure letter FINALLY made it to the OW sobriety sponsor...and now he is threatening to send my HR dept proof I'm harassing him. My IM told me this because she was not sure if I needed to know this since he's talking about my employment now.
Thoughts?
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428 |
Having some fall out from exposure. My WH is telling my IM that he WAS thinking of reconciling...but...I guess the exposure letter FINALLY made it to the OW sobriety sponsor...and now he is threatening to send my HR dept proof I'm harassing him. My IM told me this because she was not sure if I needed to know this since he's talking about my employment now.
Thoughts? I wouldn't worry about it. Your exposure letter was factual right? How were you harassing him by stating facts? Your IM should filter this as well.
Me-BH, 47
Spouse-WW, 47
Married for 18 years
DS, 11
D-Day #1 - November 1998 (7 months after wedding)
False Recovery, 16 years
D-Day #2 - November 2015
WW filed for D - February 2016
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Having some fall out from exposure. My WH is telling my IM that he WAS thinking of reconciling...but...I guess the exposure letter FINALLY made it to the OW sobriety sponsor...and now he is threatening to send my HR dept proof I'm harassing him. My IM told me this because she was not sure if I needed to know this since he's talking about my employment now.
Thoughts? I would ask your IM not to pass on these ridiculous threats. When he makes idle threats, she should always ignore them.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428 |
Ok. She wasn't sure since he seemed very angry about something. And was threatening to go to my HR. Yes my letter was factual to her sponsor.
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 50
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Ok. She wasn't sure since he seemed very angry about something. And was threatening to go to my HR. Yes my letter was factual to her sponsor. He's flailing. Looking for a way in, a "chink in the armor" to get to you. IGNORE. IGNORE. Stay dark. And when you see him in court - DO NOT ENGAGE. Let your attorney say what needs to be said to him. You can appear cordial, but DO NOT ENGAGE! He will probably try to get a rise out of you, and will try to say all the things he's wanted to say all these weeks, but couldn't "get to you" directly. Prepare to stay stone-faced, and not get emotional in front of him. Cordial, but distant.
Once I was BW. Now happily RE-married!
I was there. It's painful. It's hard.
But it's totally doable and worth it.
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Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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OP
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Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428 |
BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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