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If your IM is not sure wether or not to pass information, it probably isn't relevant, especially if it is said in anger. She shouldn't have told you about his anger. Remember, she is your firewall.

If you see him, don't respond unless you "have" to. If you do, keep it from getting personal. The cat purred, snow is cold. Subjects not related to you. If he complaints he is having a hard time - well, everyone has a hard time every once in a while, make some vague general remark.

He isn't the one in control. He knows your terms, stand your ground. If you give in a little bit, he will be motivated to keep trying. Don't give an inch.

goody2shoes #2877121 03/01/16 11:08 AM
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Ok


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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I'm just really nervous. His old pastor called me...I explained the MB principals and he agreed to them...but not before telling me that something major happened...of which he wouldn't tell me...this past Sunday. That WH was contemplating reconciliation...but whatever happened Sunday night has made him KNOW he is never coming back. Oooooooook. News to me. Plus...my email is blocked...but my parents called yesterday LIVID...because WH emailed my mom threatening to revel family "secrets" if I don't stop meddling in his life...again...no reference to what I did....plus telling my folks that he's not having sex even though it's none of anyone's business. So...yes...I'm spinning and all the more nervous for this Thursday. My parents are not speaking to me. Yesterday WH was blowing up another family members phone with texts...I said I don't want to know.


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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So despite being NC....I still got vague messages from my parents that support NC but we're so upset over WH threatening email they called in a tizzy. My IM is good....for the most part about keeping stuff from me...I assume he blew her phone up too but she's not saying. But my folks are angry and another family member on the outside is now getting texts...WH seems to be lashing out over something I have no clue....with anyone and everyone he can reach out too. All this 2 days before court.


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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Ignore, rinse, and repeat.
Just FYI, your court date will probably be very uneventful and anticlimactic.


Me-BH, 47
Spouse-WW, 47
Married for 18 years
DS, 11
D-Day #1 - November 1998 (7 months after wedding)
False Recovery, 16 years
D-Day #2 - November 2015
WW filed for D - February 2016
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Originally Posted by Alwayslookingup
I'm just really nervous. His old pastor called me...I explained the MB principals and he agreed to them...but not before telling me that something major happened...of which he wouldn't tell me...this past Sunday. That WH was contemplating reconciliation...but whatever happened Sunday night has made him KNOW he is never coming back. Oooooooook. News to me. Plus...my email is blocked...but my parents called yesterday LIVID...because WH emailed my mom threatening to revel family "secrets" if I don't stop meddling in his life...again...no reference to what I did....plus telling my folks that he's not having sex even though it's none of anyone's business. So...yes...I'm spinning and all the more nervous for this Thursday. My parents are not speaking to me. Yesterday WH was blowing up another family members phone with texts...I said I don't want to know.

Next time, stop the person mid-sentence an tell them the only thing you want to hear is if WH wants to meet your terms for reconciliation. If they are calling about anything else, you dont need to hear it. Then hang up the phone.

apples123 #2877132 03/01/16 12:08 PM
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You do not have to listen to the people your H is recruiting to help him hurt and abuse you (feel free to tell them that too).

apples123 #2877135 03/01/16 12:42 PM
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Take a couple of breaths, find something nice to do and keep your mind occupied with more pleasant things. And what Apple says, you don't have to listen. Reconsider changing your phonenumber, or get a prepaid phone, in case he decides to call you from a different number (or if you don't want calls from his pastor again).

He has lost control of the situation and he doesn't like it one single bit.

Plan your activities for the week, you will benefit if you have a schedule. Hang in there.

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Originally Posted by Alwayslookingup
I'm just really nervous. His old pastor called me...I explained the MB principals and he agreed to them...but not before telling me that something major happened...of which he wouldn't tell me...this past Sunday. That WH was contemplating reconciliation...but whatever happened Sunday night has made him KNOW he is never coming back. Oooooooook. News to me. Plus...my email is blocked...but my parents called yesterday LIVID...because WH emailed my mom threatening to revel family "secrets" if I don't stop meddling in his life...again...no reference to what I did....plus telling my folks that he's not having sex even though it's none of anyone's business. So...yes...I'm spinning and all the more nervous for this Thursday. My parents are not speaking to me. Yesterday WH was blowing up another family members phone with texts...I said I don't want to know.

If your husband was serious about reconciliation he would do whatever is necessary. HE IS NOT. You should just ignore all this drama and stay out of it.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


MelodyLane #2877149 03/01/16 04:24 PM
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Freaking out. I now have family from all over the place calling me. I guess WH went on a RAMPAGE yday calling anyone he could get a hold of...wanting me to stop meddling in his life...making all kinds of threats...trying to talk these outside the circle family members to get me to FLEE him and leave him alone. Guys...I have NO IDEA what he is talking about. The only thing I can think of is OW sobriety sponsor finally got my exposure email that I sent WEEKS ago...sent really close after the initial FB/WH family exposure letters. If she went back to her sobriety place and they just got around to saying something...I have no idea. Telling people he is no longer having sex...he would rather go back to drugs and alcohol than stay married...or he will move to China to escape me. He just wants to be left alone in peace...tell her I'm no good...tell her to flee me. Convince her to leave me alone. Uhmmmm hello...I have left him alone. We have no non business communication. And it's thru my IM. WTH? Coincidence that this is all coming 2 days before mediation? I think not. Makes me nervous as to what he is up too.


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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Don't answer the phone.

apples123 #2877152 03/01/16 04:51 PM
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After the 5th call I didn't. So upsetting...and for what?


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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So...out of pure hatred and retribution...WH sent a giant group text to multiple family members...who are calling me...texting me...exposing family secrets of MY family that are terribly old and not spoken of for 30yrs...to people who never knew. Humiliating my parents horribly...and hurtful to me.

I still don't know what I did that he chose to do this...but he is PISSED about something. Been in tears all day. Eff NC today...WH has been out of control for a few days supposedly and while I'm not going to contact him directly I'm sooooo angry and disgusted. My parents aren't speaking to me they are so upset and hurt and livid with WH.

Question...WHY?

Last edited by Alwayslookingup; 03/01/16 07:41 PM.

BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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And BTW these are all new people calling...texting..etc from earlier today. I can understand how wanting to hit back at me for exposure of the affair would piss him off...but my family has been nothing but kind and gracious to my husband. This was just a low low blow.


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708
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Probably the OW has given him grief about people knowing about her involvement with a married man and WH is trying to prove to her that he has her back by trying to put you in your place.

Tell anyone, your parents included, that you will not apologize for standing up for yourself and your marriage.

Be strong.







reading #2877169 03/01/16 09:57 PM
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My parents...family and friends all supported my exposure. What they're hurt over is the evil and vengeful attack on people who did nothing to WH but love him and extend grace. I do not apologize for anything. But I'm done. There is nothing left to fight for.


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
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Originally Posted by Alwayslookingup
My parents...family and friends all supported my exposure. What they're hurt over is the evil and vengeful attack on people who did nothing to WH but love him and extend grace. I do not apologize for anything. But I'm done. There is nothing left to fight for.

To be done is your right and I agree with it. You may change your mind in a few days.

I have never seen a WH respond the way your WH has attacking his in-laws. And, I have been on infidelity forums a long time.

TheRoad #2877197 03/02/16 06:37 AM
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I will drive myself mad trying to figure out the WHY. No one knows. I'm so disgusted.


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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I was nothing but loyal to WH..even on here as people here thought he might be worth letting go...I still was loyal. I believed in him. I tolerated all the wayward babble...the fog crap...all of it. But this did me in. Group texting and emailing anyone and everyone...making threats...exposing personal private family matters to non essential people...all in an effort to make me stop meddling in his life...was a new low. Truth is...I still don't know what I did to set him off...he was gonna get his divorce regardless of any exposure. So it was pure evil and vengeful hate. My parents have not spoken to me in two days now...and my loyalty to him just died. Funny thing is...it makes no sense why HE is hanging on like this. Revenge? Hate? Self loathing? Guilt? Whatever it is its of his own making and he just tried to take everyone down on his sinking ship. What a rat [censored].


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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Posts: 428
Oh and the common theme throughout all these peoples recounting of his messages....was WH did nothing wrong...not the A...not the DV...no marital arguments...nothing....the ONLY thing WH took responsibility for was his mistake in marrying me...that he regrets ever meeting me. Even now...he is unable to see his part and be accountable.


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
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