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Joined: May 2009
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I had a private judge mediate between my lawyer and my ex's lawyer and once an agreement was reached, it went to a family law judge who rejected the agreement twice before signing off on it. They wanted details the private judge/lawyers hadn't put in.

(Note...I never had to meet with my wayward spouse) Lawyers were instructed and hashed it out.

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My WW is not confident of her knowledge of the legal system and is very suspicious of every little thing, so I'm not very hopeful that it's going to go that way. She is being steered by her L on every move, which is very unfortunate.
I'm still trying to Plan A, went and watched Zootopia as a family and went out to eat together. I'm trying to hide my sadness inside and appear confident on the outside. It's very hard.


Me-BH, 47
Spouse-WW, 47
Married for 18 years
DS, 11
D-Day #1 - November 1998 (7 months after wedding)
False Recovery, 16 years
D-Day #2 - November 2015
WW filed for D - February 2016
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 339
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SexyMamaBear once told me "Fake it, until you make it"

Sounds like you are doing great Lost.

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Need advice on 50/50 custody:
WW is proposing she get DS Sunday to Tuesday, and I get him Wednesday to Friday, and we switch off on Saturdays. I think she said this is the last hurdle before she moves out. Any pros and cons to that schedule? I prefer the second half of the week because his baseball practices are usually later then, so I can be with him.
Or should we try to do the alternating weeks? Which would be more disruptive for an 11 year old boy?


Me-BH, 47
Spouse-WW, 47
Married for 18 years
DS, 11
D-Day #1 - November 1998 (7 months after wedding)
False Recovery, 16 years
D-Day #2 - November 2015
WW filed for D - February 2016
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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I thought about it some more and proposed this to WW:

Mon & Tues - Always with WW
Wed & Thur - Always with me
Fri - Sun - Swaps back and forth

This way we alternate weekends, and is better than the weekly swap so we both get to spend time DS in the same week.

Supposedly this is what she was waiting for before moving out. I'm still working hard at Plan A. Spent the whole weekend as a family, went to see Zootopia, son had a great time. We went out four meals. Unfortunately Sunday night WW was pushing this custody schedule, kind of blew my bubble, but I put up a brave unfazed face.


Me-BH, 47
Spouse-WW, 47
Married for 18 years
DS, 11
D-Day #1 - November 1998 (7 months after wedding)
False Recovery, 16 years
D-Day #2 - November 2015
WW filed for D - February 2016
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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I like that plan as you both get a full weekend together with DS.

Last edited by Alwayslookingup; 03/07/16 02:53 PM.

BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
Joined: Dec 2015
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Originally Posted by Alwayslookingup
I like that plan as you both get a full weekend together with DS.

I think the Plan A goal would have a full weekend for all THREE of us, right? It's going to be that way because DS's sports are long during the weekend. Unless she is going to ignore me at the baseball games, which could be her strategy. I have seen other parents that split up sit on opposite sides of the bleachers, with the kids not playing choosing one side or the other, it is very painful to watch. That is one of my worst fears, when I saw them several years ago I thought that would never happen to us... Little did I know...

WW invited herself to our movie date yesterday and I didn't stop her. I was disappointed though when she pressed about the custody schedule. I think Melody is right, she won't get this thing flushed through her system without physically moving out of my house.


Me-BH, 47
Spouse-WW, 47
Married for 18 years
DS, 11
D-Day #1 - November 1998 (7 months after wedding)
False Recovery, 16 years
D-Day #2 - November 2015
WW filed for D - February 2016
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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All 3 of you just goes without saying....but since you need to pick a schedule...I liked the one you chose...that's all I was saying!


BW, me - 44
WH - 47
Married 2.5yrs
EA 6-2015 estimate
PA 9-2015 estimate
D-day 11-22-2015
WH filed divorce 11-23-2015
Exposure 1-10-2016
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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Originally Posted by Alwayslookingup
All 3 of you just goes without saying....but since you need to pick a schedule...I liked the one you chose...that's all I was saying!

Yes, I got ya...
Just wishful thinking on my part! grin


Me-BH, 47
Spouse-WW, 47
Married for 18 years
DS, 11
D-Day #1 - November 1998 (7 months after wedding)
False Recovery, 16 years
D-Day #2 - November 2015
WW filed for D - February 2016
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 577
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Are these the same baseball parents that you did NOT expose to?

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Originally Posted by NebDane
Are these the same baseball parents that you did NOT expose to?

Yes, they know me but not WW well.


Me-BH, 47
Spouse-WW, 47
Married for 18 years
DS, 11
D-Day #1 - November 1998 (7 months after wedding)
False Recovery, 16 years
D-Day #2 - November 2015
WW filed for D - February 2016
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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Posts: 428
Late last night WW was printing stuff furiously on the computer. Sounds like from her talking to MIL that her lawyers are trying to file something again, on the custody and support issues.

I made the internet "stop" working and went to bed... Then she stops, didn't ask me about it.

I warned my lawyer about what's going on and he sent a letter to her lawyer to discuss any issues before filing motions, to waste both of our money and time.

Ugh! All this intrigue sucks! How do I work through this!?!


Me-BH, 47
Spouse-WW, 47
Married for 18 years
DS, 11
D-Day #1 - November 1998 (7 months after wedding)
False Recovery, 16 years
D-Day #2 - November 2015
WW filed for D - February 2016
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,209
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Originally Posted by LostOnLeftCoast
Ugh! All this intrigue sucks! How do I work through this!?!



Uh, looks like you're doing a good job with it:

Originally Posted by LostOnLeftCoast
"I made the internet "stop" working and went to bed... Then she stops, didn't ask me about it.

I warned my lawyer about what's going on and he sent a letter to her lawyer to discuss any issues before filing motions, to waste both of our money and time.

Joined: Mar 2010
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Lost,

Are you here to try to save your M, or are you here to whine about your W and the pending D, and to gloat about trying to get the upper-hand on the D proceedings? Most of your conversation relates to legal stuff, and Not to MB as far as a plan to Attempt to save your M. You have constantly denigrated your W, and that tells me you are here for your own selfish and vengeful interests.

Try to listen to what the members here have tried to tell you about putting your feelings aside and going the extra mile in Plan A and curbing your disrespectful judgments about her.

Tom

Joined: Dec 2015
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Originally Posted by Tom2010
Lost,

Are you here to try to save your M, or are you here to whine about your W and the pending D, and to gloat about trying to get the upper-hand on the D proceedings? Most of your conversation relates to legal stuff, and Not to MB as far as a plan to Attempt to save your M. You have constantly denigrated your W, and that tells me you are here for your own selfish and vengeful interests.

Try to listen to what the members here have tried to tell you about putting your feelings aside and going the extra mile in Plan A and curbing your disrespectful judgments about her.

Tom

I am putting my feelings aside and doing as much as can under the circumstances. I'm just trying to point out what I am returned with... I'm being civil and trying to have a good time with WW but I'm met with coldness and scheming on the legal front. I really would need help on that front as well.

We go out and have a nice family time together. Yet the next day I find out more stuff she is trying to pull on the legal front. She's constantly on her (not so secret any more) phone texting, probably to POSOM.

Here's another example: Today I went to the dentist and found that I have to have a root canal for a bump on my gum. I texted WW with the bad news to a loud silence. She later reminded me to remember to get milk at the store. Grr... I went ahead and got it but there's absolutely no sympathy from the woman I've married for 18 years???

I'm trying to do the best I can but it is very difficult when nothing is being reciprocated. I have not mentioned anything about M or R except when she asked me about Custody, which is a major downer. I'm no saint, just a Betrayed Husband trying to make the best of the situation. Try to see things from my shoes.

Last edited by LostOnLeftCoast; 03/09/16 12:11 AM.

Me-BH, 47
Spouse-WW, 47
Married for 18 years
DS, 11
D-Day #1 - November 1998 (7 months after wedding)
False Recovery, 16 years
D-Day #2 - November 2015
WW filed for D - February 2016
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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WW agreed by email to my proposed 2-2-3 custody schedule. This way we will both get to spend overnights with DS every week.

However, it appears her attorneys are filing something today with the court for her support and expenses. They are not working with my attorney at all, it seems like they want to run to the court for everything. Is this normal? I thought usually we work out a separation agreement before all that is done, then take it to the court to get blessed?

WW is still living at home, we are cordial but it is tense. We have discussed any M or R issues at all. It seems like she won't move out until the support schedule is finalized...? We watch TV together and make small talk but she usually goes to bed early. It is sad that the three of us each sleep in three separate bedrooms.

WW has stopped cooking and doing chores, so I have been cooking or pick up food for the family after work. DS has a Talent Show performance doing martial arts tonight, we will be going together and probably go out to dinner afterwards.


Me-BH, 47
Spouse-WW, 47
Married for 18 years
DS, 11
D-Day #1 - November 1998 (7 months after wedding)
False Recovery, 16 years
D-Day #2 - November 2015
WW filed for D - February 2016
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
WW still has not moved out of the house. We spend a lot of family time together, at baseball games and at meals. We have not discussed anything related to marriage or relationship. I have tried to do the best Plan A I could, have pleasant time with the family.

She is totally cold to me, grunts when I say "good morning" to her. She ignores most of what I say in conversation generally to my son. I have not had any Love Busters with her but I can feel her animosity and tension toward me. Is there anything else I should be doing before she moves out? WW has no problem going out to dinner with us or doing family things together. She just is not friendly to me at all and treats me disrespectfully in general. For example, she is argumentative and always tries to contradict me in front of my S. These are over trivial things that have nothing to do with us personally, but I feel she just wants to pick arguments with me. When that happens, I try a different tact from before. I do my best not to get engaged in arguments over nothing and move onto a different subject if possible.

I believe her L won't let her move out until the temporary support agreement is done. We have not talked about these things ourselves at all, it's all done through the lawyers.

Last edited by LostOnLeftCoast; 03/14/16 10:30 AM.

Me-BH, 47
Spouse-WW, 47
Married for 18 years
DS, 11
D-Day #1 - November 1998 (7 months after wedding)
False Recovery, 16 years
D-Day #2 - November 2015
WW filed for D - February 2016
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 428
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Posts: 428
Our 18th anniversary is coming up in a few weeks. By then she will probably be moved out to her apartment, after her lawyer gives her the green light.
What should I do for the anniversary, if anything?


Me-BH, 47
Spouse-WW, 47
Married for 18 years
DS, 11
D-Day #1 - November 1998 (7 months after wedding)
False Recovery, 16 years
D-Day #2 - November 2015
WW filed for D - February 2016
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
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Posts: 5,860
Originally Posted by LostOnLeftCoast
Our 18th anniversary is coming up in a few weeks. By then she will probably be moved out to her apartment, after her lawyer gives her the green light.
What should I do for the anniversary, if anything?

Plan A or give up.

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Originally Posted by TheRoad
Plan A or give up.

Thanks. Care to be more specific?


Me-BH, 47
Spouse-WW, 47
Married for 18 years
DS, 11
D-Day #1 - November 1998 (7 months after wedding)
False Recovery, 16 years
D-Day #2 - November 2015
WW filed for D - February 2016
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