That is information that you need to know. You will never recover if OW lives down the street. Did you ask the OW's BH to let you know if that happens?


Of course, you have not seen anything. Your WH KNOWS you are looking there. The facts are that your WH has not committed to NC for life with OW and has not implemented the EP's.


What does that mean? Making fun of what? Did your WH tell you that?

That is why your plan A and plan B will not work. If you were in a true Plan B with an intermediary, you would not even know this. Your husband would have had to deal with the fall out of his actions on his own.

But since you have not gone into a true Plan B, your WH was able to convince you that YOU are the cause of this rather than his own actions.


You are not following the MB plan.


Your WH is throwing you a few crumbs. What on the checklist has he actually completed?




You were never in recovery because your WH has done nothing on the checklist and is still in contact with the OW.

You already asked him to move back and he refused because you would nag him about implementing the EP's. He is not serious Hickstt.

A dark Plan B will protect you better than a rock. Do you have an intermediary? Do you understand plan B?

We have done everything on the checklist except sell the truck business and change his mobile number. We agreed to sell the phone number with the truck.

If he changes his phone number now and will still have the truck we have to contact all our customers to supply his mobile number, we agreed to have it listed for sale within the next two weeks.

Will he end his affair?

Where does this stand?

Here How to Plan B Correctly

My husband received a call from a random mobile two days after he sent the letter in the book. My husband changed his phone number the next day.

I spoke to the other woman's husband for about an hour and the puzzle was all put together. The dates when she was in town, my husband was with me. He just wanted to confirm if I thought it was going on before he let her move back into the house. My husband was telling the truth.

We were working through plan A and going through the book when I got his text message, chapter 6.

All that left on the checklist is selling the truck business.

Thanks for listening.

Did you tell the OW's husband that your husband admitted to you that he was still in touch with the OW?





Plan A is only for you, not him. Do you have the book Surviving an Affair? You should be following the program of recovery in that book. And what text message did you receive from him? I don't understand what you mean.

My husband bought the book Surviving an Affair (March) and we were reading it together and got up to chapter six and were working through the checklist, exposure is where things started to go a little backwards. Although, things between us started to improve.

I contacted the other woman's to confirm the email address to send the letter on the check list. His text message, "Please talk to me, I was just about to let her move back in, but found out a few things that you should know, they are still pretty close to each other and I'm just sick of being the fool." I threw my husband out after receiving this text. This is when my husband called her to find out what she had been saying.

After I spoke to the other woman's husband, she is coming back not by choice, that someone gave her money and she will not say who, that she did not confirm or deny she was still taking to my husband and threatened to move down the road from our house if he could not move back in with him. My husband told me she started a new relationship when she moved away and found out when he saw her in December, but has told her husband it was a one night stand. As I said to the other woman's husband, there are no calls on the phone bill, no cash withdrawals, all social media has been shut down. If anyone is calling, it will be her calling him. She returns back to her husband in a week and is going back to her old job.

I asked my husband if any of it was true. And he told me none of it was true. Only that after December (the last time they saw each other and were found out), she continue to call him up till the end of January from a private number. He stopped answering them private calls. I know this is true because when I call from a private number he does not answer.

My husband sent the letter in the book, and receive a call from another mobile number and it was her. She did not care about his email officially ended the relationship as she was returning to her husband anyway. She said that she wanted to make her husband jealous, sorry it stuffed up your life and laughed at him. My husband told her not to call again and changed his number the next day. My husband tells me not to call the other woman's husband, that he is not interest in what goes on in their lives and does not want to know about it.

I told him that when she comes back and cannot account for her time and who she is talking to, the finger is going to be pointing at him, something for him to think about. To get out of this circus the truck needs to be sold.

My husband has always been self employed along side his dad. I know that he does not like the idea of working for someone else and it will be a large drop in income for us and hurt us financially. I don't think he has the confidence to start another business without the support of his dad, a large part of our marriage problems, (dictator). I don't think the truck will be going anywhere soon. I have suggested a plan and he has not come up with an alternative.

I am impatient and want things to change pronto. I going through resentment at the moment.

When do you know recovery is not false? Should we start the next chapter 7?

Which proved the OW's husband was exactly right. Your husband WAS still active in his affair as evidenced by his continued contact. My question was did you TELL the OW's husband that he was RIGHT?


Will your husband end his affair? What about if HE calls her again?


Never ask a liar for the truth.


BE SURE and call the OW's husband and let him know she is still calling. Who cares what your husband wants? You need to stay in touch with the OW's H to make sure contact really ends.


Whatever he does for a living will have to complement your marriage. For example, he can't spend the nights apart from you.

What is his living status? Is he still refusing to come home?

I did not know that she continued to call my husband in January, that is why I could not understand when he told me that they are not talking but there is no agreement to end the relationship, it did not make sense. I did not tell the other woman's husband because I did not know that talking continued in January at the time of our conversation. However, the other woman's husband is aware that an email was going to be sent to his wife ending the affair officially.

My husband was an emotional wreak being apart from the family for the few weeks. I told him after he changed his number, STD tests and sent the email in the check list, I said he could come home. He has been home only for a few days and is happy to be home.

I took talking to his mother off the list as you said, affair proofing the marriage was the priority.

I am on alert when she arrives back in town in a weeks time. I don't believe she is serious about saving her marriage and does not realize the journey ahead of her.

If the affair starts up over again I am ending my marriage, I am not prepare to give anymore chances and have made that position very clear to my husband and he know that.

How close does the OW live to you?

You have not answered my question about your WH's so called best friend.



Since you have not answered the question I have to think that he is still talking to this person who is NO friend to your marriage. This person is an open door for OW to reach your husband.

Affairs are hard to kill and as you have seen this OW does not want to let go of your WH. Your WH could not resist her for over two years and that is something that does not change overnight because he was miserable for a few weeks without you.

It seems fairly easy for OW to reach your WH and break his resolve. What secret snooping methods do you have in place to verify NC with your own eyes?

Here False Recovery-Need Voices of Experience

Sorry, I over looked this question. It does not appear that he is talking to his best mate that much at all on his phone bills. I have told everyone that I exposed the affair to that his house was use to host the affair. He would have found this confronting because my father-in-law is guarantor on his house. I also know that he was putting the hard word on my husband for me to do his tax returns and my husband told him no, I am not asking her and she will not do it anyway. So the communication between them started to decline after this point. I will have another look at the phone bills.

The other woman's husband lives about 40 minutes away. She would be doing a nine to five job when she returns and I the husband will be keeping close tabs on her as well as the two daughters 19 & 18 years old. The daughters don't want anything to do with her. So I don't know if they are moving out for her to move in?

Snooping methods, I don't really have any ideas other than checking emails, looking at his phone bill?

First off, are you spending EVERY NIGHT TOGETHER? That is a critical component of recovery. I believe you might have responded to Trix on the False Recovery thread and her solution was to travel WITH her husband on his trips. They go together. [they came to my town a couple of years ago and I met them]

The snooping you need to be doing is installing spyware on his phone and putting a GPS on his vehicle. Have you checked the Operation Investigate forum?

He should NEVER speak to this dirtbag again. There is no "not much" about it. The fact that you would tolerate ANY contact with this POS is very frustrating.

We do spend every night together. He has done two overnight trips since the affair was discovered in December. I might suggest that he rejects these jobs. I am unable to go with him because we have three kids and I hate the truck. We bought it off THEM, that's how they meet.

I have mentioned GPS on the truck and he does not have a problem with it, I just have to work out how to do it? I will look at the Operation Investigation forum.


My husbands best friend, have been friends for 24 years. We have been married for 9. How do you completely end this friendship? I don't talk to him at all and cut him out of my life and told my husband that he is not welcome to our house.

I have told my husband that a bachelor has NO place giving a married man advice. That your friend would love nothing better than to have you a bachelor as well. That he is jealous of you, everything we have, he has to have as well and better. The only difference is he cannot afford to hold on to it or failed, its a competition. I will have to check his phone account to see what is going on here? But his ex-wife and I are friends and she drops her son off to his house once a fortnight.