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Hey all,

just checking in. Nothing has really changed... I have been kind of sad/frustrating lately. I explained to HerPapaBear and SexyMamaBear that I feel like - "Shes a fish and I am the fisherman, but I am just sitting in my boat waiting for her to jump outa the water into the boat."

Just feel kind of helpless lately - although on the outside, I look like I am doing really well. Hard to keep up the front that it isn't bothering me at all.

Oh well, hope everyone is doing well.

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Do you have a court date? What's going on with the proceedings? How long has it been now?


Remarried 7/16
Thanks MB!
nmwb77 #2880371 04/27/16 11:10 AM
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Originally Posted by nmwb77
Do you have a court date? What's going on with the proceedings? How long has it been now?

We have another pretrial set for May 25th - she filed to not appear and was granted.

Trial date set for June 29th, but we have no kids so I don't know if it will make it that far.

May 5th will be 7 months of this.

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It can make it that far, but you have to consider that if you're taking it to trial just to take it to trial, the judge will likely order you to pay your wife's attorney fees. One thing that Dr. Harley said to me that gave me comfort was that just because you're divorced doesn't mean you can't marry each other again. Weigh your options at each stage.


Remarried 7/16
Thanks MB!
nmwb77 #2880613 04/29/16 12:31 AM
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This is a endearing story,you fought long and hard. I know it is hard and the pain of feeling betrayed never quite leaves.I do promise,she will come back and it may be not be for a long time,stop waiting for that moment and live your life.When the moment found me I had moved on and found the real love of my life. I wish you the best,and hope that you find happiness in wherever you go.

125 #2880618 04/29/16 07:27 AM
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Originally Posted by 125
This is a endearing story,you fought long and hard. I know it is hard and the pain of feeling betrayed never quite leaves.I do promise,she will come back and it may be not be for a long time,stop waiting for that moment and live your life.When the moment found me I had moved on and found the real love of my life. I wish you the best,and hope that you find happiness in wherever you go.
How on earth can you promise that she will come back?

Marriage Builders is all about following a plan that gives you the best chance for the best possible outcome. We are not into feel-good meaningless guarantees.


me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
mrEureka #2882360 05/25/16 10:29 AM
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Another pretrial this morning...

I asked my attorney to type up my options because I just couldn't comprehend everything he was saying in the state I was in... Just overwhelmed...

I will update you guys on what he says when he emails me back, and ask for advice then.

My lender said there is really no way for me to get a preapproval that is anything usable while the house is on my name - unless my income could cover a second home, which it cannot...

So I guess I am a little stuck at the moment. and overwhelmed... and she did not show, naturally.

I thought about texting her the other day, but SMB advised that is a dangerous thing to do at the moment... SO I held off.

I don't even know what I would say really...

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Here is what my attorney sent me this morning -

The options are to continue to contest grounds. The court is likely to find grounds for the divorce. The other alternative is to let her go forward and receive a divorce on grounds of incompatibility, without your agreement. That may be your best option.

welp...

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Hey WC,
Sorry to hear that your divorce is progressing in spite of you. I think you have performed admirably. Whatever transpires, you will be able to face yourself in the mirror and know you did everything a human could. We can't control everything, or really anything outside our selves. You exercised some pretty darn good self control.

If it looks like the divorce will be granted, why not insist on the grounds of infidelity? What is the downside according to your lawyer?

This may sound defeatist, and I am not advocating that you give up, cuz I don't really see that in your nature, but trust me. If this divorce goes through in spite of your efforts, and you gain some separation from your WW and the whole situation, you are going to find a ginormous weight lifted and you will be able to enjoy just about everything. You'll feel like John Herod from the cheesy western "The Quick and the Dead": "Understand this: There is nothing on this earth that frightens me now."

-WTW

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^^^ Agree with that.

Sorry to hear things have progressed as they have, WC. But having been there myself, I think WTW is correct. When you fight as hard as you've fought, you come out of it more fearless either way.

There is very little in the world that will be more challenging or demanding of you than what has already been thrown at you in the last year. Remember that, and focus on your future.

Your WWs willingness to participate in your rock-solid future that you are building is her choice. And if she decides to walk away there is no shortage of wonderful women out there who are looking for men like you.

"Just feel kind of helpless lately - although on the outside, I look like I am doing really well. Hard to keep up the front that it isn't bothering me at all. "

I hope you don't mean by this that you are just stuffing whatever pain you are feeling. When you are down, find someone you can trust to talk to. Or...in my situation, I found it even better to pray and tell God just exactly what was troubling me.

There's no easy way to deal with this part of the process, and I think you are doing very well with it.


Happily remarried to wonderful woman who I found using the guidelines in "Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders"
2 baby boys, working on #3 and couldn't ask for anything more.

When my ex's affair happened: BH 28, Ex-WW:29
Married: 7 years
Together: 8 years
D-day: 10/5/2014
D filed: 1/22/2015
D Final: 6/4/2015

My story
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^^^ I agree with that, I could not have said it any better.

I don't have every many friends in this world, so I spend my time talking to God and asking were does He want me to go.
I have given the whole situation to Him,and i have to say it has drawn me closer. My hope is after been through the fire I come out stronger and wiser.

For me it's getting close to a year since my WW filed for divorce, I have seen God work and provide in my life.
Why do I still want to hold and cry on my WW is something I still don't understand fully.


BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure

Ron_C #2882865 06/01/16 02:38 PM
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Asked my attorney to begin preparations for allowing my WW to pursue the divorce by way a a witness testifying that we are incompatible (original grounds she filed under).

My attorney said I probably won't even need to attend court - and I will never have admitted we are incompatible...

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Originally Posted by WrestlerChemist
Asked my attorney to begin preparations for allowing my WW to pursue the divorce by way a a witness testifying that we are incompatible (original grounds she filed under).

My attorney said I probably won't even need to attend court - and I will never have admitted we are incompatible...

That is how mine went. My ex had to go to court because she was the one that filed, but I didn't have to go. My absence at the hearing was my final protest.


Remarried 7/16
Thanks MB!
nmwb77 #2883693 06/27/16 01:43 PM
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I will be divorced on Wednesday this week. Its been pretty quiet did some work with my attorney trying to stay right side up financially - her settlement papers were absolutely ludicrous.

Anyways, I will let you know if I need to show up at court. My atty is supposed to let me know.


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Originally Posted by WrestlerChemist
I will be divorced on Wednesday this week.
I'm so sorry, WC.


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His PA 2003-2006
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I'm so sorry, WrestlerChemist.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Sorry WC. How are you doing with it?


BW-3 Kids
Sep:2014
Divorced

"I was not delivered unto this world in defeat, nor does failure course in my veins. I am not a sheep waiting to be prodded by my shepherd. I am a lion and I refuse to talk, to walk, to sleep with the sheep. I will hear not those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious. Let them join the sheep. The slaughterhouse of failure is not my destiny.
I will persist until I succeed." Og Mandino
Elaina7 #2883715 06/28/16 08:21 AM
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Thanks for the heartfelt messages guys -

I just found out today that I will be needed in court after all, so for the first time since Nov. '15, I will likely be seeing her.

In terms of emotions, I like to think I am the higher ground. I feel like I present well now and have new confidence. I am actually kind of happy I need to go to court that way I can display that I am not completely destroyed...

Any ways - Atty is still working to get me as many $$ as he can so I can be the higher ground in more ways than just feeling it.





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So sorry to hear this, WC. I will be keeping you in my prayers.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
markos #2883761 06/30/16 10:08 AM
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Well guys, here's how everything went yesterday. Pretty stupid ending but oh well.

She was there with her mom. Her mom was the witness that testified incompatibility between me and her daughter. Then obviously my wife took the stand and testified incompatibility as well. I withdrew any comments, and the magistrate granted my wife the divorce. (All expected)

Before that, apparently my wife was, in the words of my attorney, "Very emotional about a divorce she apparently wants." And she had the audacity to ask for the dogs, which my attorney quickly snuffed out.

My wife's attorney advocated that I take my Cheatersreport.com entry down with the OM's picture, employer and full name. My attorney told me that might come up, but he used it to get more money from my wife's 401k. I agreed that - IF presented with all the necessary documentation to remove the entry from the website, I would sign it. (in summary, I am not lifting a finger to remove that, only signing. I don't even really know how to remove those things).

Financially, I believe I made out as well as I could (really everyone is kind of a loser in the end, but hey). I was very impressed with my attorney. I am so happy I had the help from you guys to ask the right questions to him as well as the suggestion to use this attorney from SexyMamaBear and HerPapaBear. He was infinitely better than her "Google search : divorce attorney near me" lawyer.

Now, for some non-legal information. You all know this was the first time I have seen my wife since November 2015. Let me tell you this... she looked awful. She had no luster, radiance or glow. For lack of better terms, she looked "dead and gray." I looked great. I had many compliments about my appearance that morning. As soon as I entered the courthouse waiting room, those two saw me and scurried away.

I am a little agitated, but I told SMB last night that I finally am at the point where if she wants to try again she will have to do so as if she was a complete stranger - I am done "pursuing" her. I will never be able to forget her and her mom saying, under oath, that we are incompatible. And her mom said "Yes" to the magistrate's question of "DO you believe your daughter to be an honest and trustworthy person?"

Everything else was pretty boring. Thanks for listening guys!



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