Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 34 of 35 1 2 32 33 34 35
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,457
Likes: 9
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,457
Likes: 9
Ouch. That must have hurt, WC. Again, I'm really sorry that it came to this.

It sounds as if you were a star, though!


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 863
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 863
It's sad, but I think it was on MB that someone said to me, if they don't come back, you didn't want them back, anyway. The point being, if they haven't looked inside themselves and realized their own mistakes and poor behavior, then you'd just be setting yourself up for a false recovery. You've come through this experience, and it's made you a stronger person. You have a bright future ahead of you. Her? Not so much.


Remarried 7/16
Thanks MB!
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,432
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,432
One is pretty much at rock bottom if even Mom won't stick up for you! She still has Mom on her side, so she has room left to drop another notch later.


me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
mrEureka #2884057 07/08/16 08:39 AM
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,448
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,448
So sorry, WC.

I know this was tough but I predict many great things coming in your future!


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
SusieQ #2884084 07/08/16 08:37 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 968
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 968
So sorry to hear, WC. But in a way, having been there, I am happy for you that the tailspin of this is over for you. It may not feel this way yet but you are liberated now from any obligation to the person who is the biggest threat to your happiness and well-being on planet Earth.

The road forward is wide open and you have had such a great attitude about the MB program that I am sure all of this will manifest itself as first class extraordinary care skills for some lucky lady that you have yet to meet.

Praying for you!


Happily remarried to wonderful woman who I found using the guidelines in "Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders"
2 baby boys, working on #3 and couldn't ask for anything more.

When my ex's affair happened: BH 28, Ex-WW:29
Married: 7 years
Together: 8 years
D-day: 10/5/2014
D filed: 1/22/2015
D Final: 6/4/2015

My story
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 339
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 339
Hey all - got an email from my EX-wife the other day. It really made "moving on" a lot simpler. Its absolutely disgusting... anyways I'll just post it here for you to look through.


WrestlerChemist,

I want to write you this letter to let you know that *OM #2* and I had a year long emotional and physical affair between 2014-2015.

I was having an affair for over a year with someone else. I so desperately wanted attention that I got it outside of my marriage. I decided a long time ago when the affair with *OM #2* started that I didn�t want to be with you and that I wouldn�t be with you forever. You even knew that something was going on between us and you didn�t care enough to do anything about it. Don�t get me wrong, I didn�t want to leave you for *OM#2*, I just knew that I our marriage was never going to work for either of us.

All of the hatred that you toward *OM#1* (the one that started this thread) and his family through was directed at the wrong person. *OM#1* is not the reason that I left you and he is not the reason that we got divorced.

I cannot begin to describe the disgust that I have for you and what you have done to me, my family and most importantly to *OM#1* and his family. What you did to him by harassing him, his immediate family, his cousins and relatives AND his work place is inexcusable and I don�t know how you can live with yourself for what you did.

You deserve to know that you directed all of your hatred at the wrong man and the wrong family. *OM#1* put up with everything that you put him and his family through because of how much he loves me. I know your intentions were only to hurt and destroy that but it didn�t matter. The only thing I regret is not telling you sooner about the affair with *OM#2*. It could�ve saved *OM#1* and his family a lot of heartache.
All in all, I want to make sure that you know why this marriage ended, and it had nothing to do with *OM#1*. It didn't work because we were not supposed to be together, we were two different people who grew in different directions.

I already told *OM#2*'s wife and made her aware of the affair. There are certain things I can�t live with and that is one of them. I am trying to right my wrongs and make up for the things I have done and the people I have hurt. I let *OM#1* take the fall for our marriage ending and that is my biggest regret of all, he should�ve never had to do that.


Lets just say --- there is zero percent chance I will ever get back with this woman, Sorry guys I ignored your advice to just get it done and done.

I sent this to OM2's wife just in case my exwife was lying - which she is certainly capable of.

I am pretty sure she was trying to harass me into taking my Cheatersreport post down for OM#1, which by now they are finding is quite "sticky" in the internet world.

I am feeling positive and liberated, as you each mentioned. I am thinking about finishing up coaching here and leaving the state in mid-2017 to get a new start... work has not been going great here to be honest. I have this job because it needed to be close to her parents, which obviously is not an issue anymore.

Thanks guys! I will be in touch.

Last edited by WrestlerChemist; 07/14/16 10:08 PM.
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,343
Likes: 3
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,343
Likes: 3
Wow WC I'm so sorry you had to read such a disgusting spout of waywardness. You truly deserve so much better.

Good job on sending that to OM2's BW.

Now shut all the ways she can contact you and enjoy your new recovered life.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
Yes good job that you exposed the OMW2. This way that you know she has the truth.

TheRoad #2884317 07/15/16 01:10 PM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,842
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,842
Can you move now so she cant send you more crap like that?

Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 339
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 339
Originally Posted by apples123
Can you move now so she cant send you more crap like that?

I cannot move just yet - I already committed to coaching wrestling for this season. I am planning on moving to Florida in May '17, after wrestling season.


Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
I would tell XWW how can you believe her now?

For past behavior is an indicator of future behavior. All you/WW have done is lie and hide the truth from me.

So there is no way for me to know how true your latest claim is true. Most likely you are only telling me things that are to your benefit. Which indicates that you would not reveal much in the way that would put you in a bad light. So you/WW are still putting a spin on things.

XWW spinning is still lying because those words are designed to mislead, misdirect me from the truth. Keeping facts hidden is still lying. That is lying by omission.

At this point it is past the point of your attempt to talk about what happened.

I did nothing wrong. It was you, OM1, and OM2's behavior that hurt and caused pain for others. I was not an AP butting into other WS's marriages.

Last edited by TheRoad; 07/16/16 04:44 AM.
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
Originally Posted by WrestlerChemist
Originally Posted by apples123
Can you move now so she cant send you more crap like that?

I cannot move just yet - I already committed to coaching wrestling for this season. I am planning on moving to Florida in May '17, after wrestling season.

There is plenty of time for them to find another coach before the season starts.

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by WrestlerChemist
I let *OM#1* take the fall for our marriage ending and that is my biggest regret of all, he should�ve never had to do that.

Isn't it so amazing how a wayward never takes accountability for their own bad behavior? Somehow YOU are to blame even though she sat there silently while OM1 took the blame? All she had to do was speak up.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


TheRoad #2884328 07/16/16 02:28 PM
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 339
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 339
Originally Posted by TheRoad
There is plenty of time for them to find another coach before the season starts.

Yah, I am really not prepared anyways to leave this moment. I figured the length of a season (less than a year from now) would be enough time for me to find a house, a job, etc. and make sure it is just well-thought out.

Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Isn't it so amazing how a wayward never takes accountability for their own bad behavior? Somehow YOU are to blame even though she sat there silently while OM1 took the blame? All she had to do was speak up.

Its pretty crazy. I really can't wrap my head around the whole thing. SexyMamaBear said do not respond to her... it will fester her to think "did he read it?" blah.

Waywards are crazy and I never want to deal with them again. ugh.

Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 155
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 155
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Isn't it so amazing how a wayward never takes accountability for their own bad behavior? Somehow YOU are to blame even though she sat there silently while OM1 took the blame? All she had to do was speak up.

Yeah, that's rich. If OM#1 took the blame because "he loved her so much." (gag), what does it say about her character that she silently let him take all the blame while she was skanking around with OM#2?

And she brags about this? Idiot. It would be funny if it wasn't so sad.


Originally Posted by WrestlerChemist
Its pretty crazy. I really can't wrap my head around the whole thing. SexyMamaBear said do not respond to her... it will fester her to think "did he read it?" blah.

Waywards are crazy and I never want to deal with them again. ugh.

I agree with SexyMamaBear, I would never reply. Don't encourage crazy!

AnyWife #2884409 07/19/16 09:21 AM
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,448
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,448
Dr Harley told me regarding regarding my ex H and in general a WS who gets a divorce due to their affair:
"There are mistakes that you learn from - this kind of mistake is one that a person never recovers from. I predict your exH will suffer from depression for the rest of his life".

The letter from your ex WW reminded me of that conversation I had with Dr Harley. To add insult to injury, these type of people blame their unhappiness on us, the BS. I'm 4 years out from my D and my ex STILL blames his problems in life on me and to this day it would probably make him happy to see me suffer. (ask SMB or tst, they know my situation well and can tell you I am not exaggerating!)

Anyway, I think maybe it is a blessing that you received that vile letter so that you can move forward and not look back. Be glad that you do not have kids with this woman and can forget about her.

Sorry for the pain it caused regardless.


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
SusieQ #2884419 07/19/16 01:10 PM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 863
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 863
You acted honorably. There's no need to question why you couldn't let go right away. When you were ready, you moved on. There's light at the end of the tunnel. I've remarried, and I'm happier than ever. I held on to hope longer than I should have, too. It just takes time. No regrets, buddy.


Remarried 7/16
Thanks MB!
nmwb77 #2884430 07/19/16 03:24 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 968
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 968
It's amazing how similar they all sound, as has been said so many times on this board.

Agree with SMB, DON'T respond. Hit the delete button and maybe even block her email address. You should be in Plan B right now, IMO. There's nothing left here to hold the door open for.

Remember always that she is a master manipulator and that this is simply trying to stab you emotionally, because it's the only play she has left with you. Waywards nearly all accuse betrayed spouses of being "manipulative" but as you can see here it is their own experience with lying and deceit that reveals this to be their own strong suit.

This was 100% about trying to make you feel bad, there is no honest message trying to be conveyed or honesty to it. The OM in my situation was an experienced homewrecker with 3 kids on CS by different moms and multiple divorces, and in the 1 email I got from my XWW, she was insistent that I had somehow destroyed his life by exposing, even with that track record. Same old, same old.

And maybe I'm a bit old school about this, but even IF you destroyed this guy's reputation or whatever, God knows he had it coming.

"Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? So is he who sleeps with another man�s wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished."

Proverbs 6:27-29

As far as I'm concerned exposing OPs is a public service because OPs are complicit in the destruction of lives and families. If this wasn't true, then exposure would be pointless because nobody would have any reaction. But the community reaction itself is evidence to the extremely destructive nature of adultery.

You are not only in the right but to be commended for not shirking away and sweeping this under the rug like so many do. You stood up for what is right, not only for yourself, but for the families involved and your community.

Last edited by axslinger85; 07/19/16 03:26 PM.

Happily remarried to wonderful woman who I found using the guidelines in "Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders"
2 baby boys, working on #3 and couldn't ask for anything more.

When my ex's affair happened: BH 28, Ex-WW:29
Married: 7 years
Together: 8 years
D-day: 10/5/2014
D filed: 1/22/2015
D Final: 6/4/2015

My story
nmwb77 #2884434 07/19/16 03:28 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 968
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 968
Originally Posted by nmwb77
I've remarried, and I'm happier than ever.

What? When?


Happily remarried to wonderful woman who I found using the guidelines in "Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders"
2 baby boys, working on #3 and couldn't ask for anything more.

When my ex's affair happened: BH 28, Ex-WW:29
Married: 7 years
Together: 8 years
D-day: 10/5/2014
D filed: 1/22/2015
D Final: 6/4/2015

My story
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 863
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 863
Originally Posted by axslinger85
Originally Posted by nmwb77
I've remarried, and I'm happier than ever.

What? When?

Last week. smile My wife is totally on board with Marriage Builders. We've read HNHN and are now doing the couple's devotional together. I had no idea what I was missing. It's like night and day. She's such a contrast to my exww it's unbelievable.


Remarried 7/16
Thanks MB!
Page 34 of 35 1 2 32 33 34 35

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 12 guests, and 66 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Dodo M, Kingpin, MikaylaVaux, I.P., Alex82
71,727 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,545
Posts2,322,787
Members71,728
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5