So Dr. Harley never WROTE IN HIS BOOKS against having pre-marital sex, nor did he write to have pre-marital sex.

Yet he lists sexual compatibility as important as intellectual compatibility in a SCIENCE based book about dating...

I don't care what Dr. Harley's PERSONAL beliefs are, I am only interested in his SCIENTIFIC beliefs.
(His personal believes also includes a mythical being in heaven that is not mentioned in any of his books and is irrelevant)

I recently found the scientific statistics on sex in my country:

- 43% of sexually active women report at least 1 sexual problem
- 35% of sexually active men report at least 1 sexual problem
- 22% of sexually active women report sexual DYSFUNCTION
- 12% of sexually active men report sexual DYSFUNCTION
==> Sexual dysfunction cannot be tested by doing leisure activities to compare energy levels, Markos

- People under 25 have their first sexual intercourse:

Before age 14: 14,5%
Between age 14 & 17: 74.5%
After age 17: 11%
==> Marriage is illegal here before 18
==> at least 89% of people in my country have pre-marital sex.

- 40% of the Christian/Catholic believers have pre-marital sex.

- I have never had an STD in my life, Melody.
Something in your theory about "hoe's must have a disease" does not seem to fit.

The radio shows I posted describe Dr. Harley's scientific beliefs.

What do you believe Dr. Harley is saying in that article excerpt you posted? Do you believe he is suggesting that people have sex before marriage to test sexual compatibility?

Hi Gerold,

Why are you arguing about this? You'll probably continue to have sex outside of wedlock. But not having premarital sex does serve a purpose besides a religious one--helping to have sober judgment.

I had premarital sex and it clouded my judgement of my ex. He is just kind of a freeloader at life--renter at best. I supported us 4 out of the 4.5 years we were married before he started his affair. He just didn't work, he was "working on his writing" and whatever. In the many years that I knew him he never published or even self-published a single thing. He will probably never be an author.

If I had really perceived these things well before I married him...well, I would not have married him. I won't ever have pre-marital sex again. It would attach me to a potential mate and cloud my judgement.

There are women everywhere who will wait. Even non-religious dating experts often recommend waiting until engagement (I think this is arbitrary and it should be marriage, but the thinking is clear--wait until you know think there is some sort of commitment).

The reason you are arguing now is that you are falling in love with this woman and you want her to want the same thing you do. But she doesn't. So now there is pain. But face the reality that she doesn't want the same thing. You can do what a lot of people do, which is just to carry on as long as possible until there is an inevitable implosion OR you can admit this was a mistake and move on to find a relationship with a buyer. Waiting to have sex will help you with an endeavor.

Not sure, but he makes it very clear he is against pre-marital sex. If you knew him and listened to his radio shows you would know this.


How do you think people get STDs? By being promiscuous. If you sleep around like an alley cat in heat, you are very likely to get an STD. Why would you risk that?

ITA that's bull. I am a single woman myself and have several single friends and have never heard of a woman saying she only wants a fling.

The only people I have seen say things like that are disgusting people on Tinder.

Dr. Harley has said in several radio programs that he advises against premarital sex in general, even for folks who aren't religious,because it can indeed cloud the relationship.

Many women who engage in non-marital sex with a man tend to become more emotionally attached, while men can often have sex without attachment. She develops expectations for the relationship and is often hurt when the relationship falls apart.

I've heard men say they would want to "test" the sexual compatibility before marrying, but many quality women would find this repugnant - the idea of testing a woman's sexuality as though she were a used car. YUCK!

Most women who are in love with their husband will be sexually compatible with their husband. And either spouse can learn techniques to become a good sexual partner.

I know this is slightly old now but I have some things to say. I've been coming in and out of marriage builders for some time. I keep coming back because it is without doubt the best advice I've found over the years.

I'm too not Christian like this poster but I still greatly appreciate Dr Harley's work.

I am 41, very attractive with most men rating me as an 8-10 in attractive stakes (even if that is pretty crude), I'm intelligent (studying as a mature student for a degree), I work, I am funny, loyal, kind, passionate, loving and from Europe!

...and I wouldn't date this poster. Gerold if you would like to find out why please ask me.