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wife, half measures will avail you nothing. This is a very entrenched affair and you cannot afford to cut any corners. Please describe what you did so we can help you get the most for your efforts.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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We are here to hold your hand and guide you out of the fire. You just have to grab our hand and keep walking. Like Winston Churchill said "when you are going through hell, keep going."


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I have done a really bad thing. This women is the light of his life and he feels she is a beautiful person inside and out. He has been searching for this love for his whole life. He will NEVER agree to demands of taking the phone and accountability, he thinks I am manipulating him and interfering and evil. I dont think it matters one bit that family and friends know. He will continue to protect her and try to call and text her. I look like the terrible person here for exposing her. She broke it off not him. If I would have waited they probably would have stopped at some point. He needed to make the decision to break it off, now he will pine for her forever. I have probably pushed them together more. I am going to need guiding out of the fire because now I cant even have a conversation with him. He avoids me and I have to find reasons to stay away.

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I understand your concerns about her being the "light of his life." Heroin is the "light of life" for a heroin addict. Child molesting is the "light of his life" for a child molester. But would you help your spouse get heroin if he was addicted to heroin? You seem to want to glamorize a filthy affair for some reason. Your husband and his OW are wrecking 2 marriages and there is nothing glamorous or pretty about that.

Are you ready to follow a plan that will work now or are you going to keep enabling him? Because if it is the latter, I will not take my valuable time to try and help you.

Can you follow a plan?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Guidance: Expose their evil to the light. Sunlight is the best disinfectant. What he is saying is like mold spewing out of his mouth.

You are doing the right thing by telling everyone. You need support. Tell everyone so you have support and the truth will be known.
Do not listen to his abuse.

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Spiritually beautiful women don't date married men.

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Please tell us who you exposed to and how you exposed.

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Originally Posted by wifeinstrife
I have done a really bad thing. This women is the light of his life and he feels she is a beautiful person inside and out. He has been searching for this love for his whole life. He will NEVER agree to demands of taking the phone and accountability, he thinks I am manipulating him and interfering and evil. I dont think it matters one bit that family and friends know. He will continue to protect her and try to call and text her. I look like the terrible person here for exposing her. She broke it off not him. If I would have waited they probably would have stopped at some point. He needed to make the decision to break it off, now he will pine for her forever. I have probably pushed them together more. I am going to need guiding out of the fire because now I cant even have a conversation with him. He avoids me and I have to find reasons to stay away.

All of us reasonable people are trying hard not to gag. None of this is true. This is an example of why you should not stay in an abusive affair situation for 16 months, because he has gaslighted you so long you have now taken over the job.

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You should read Indiegirl's thread. It will give you courage.

Do not let him persuade you that you deserve this deplorable treatment.

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I sent my little sister here in 2009 when she learned her WH was having an affair. She was very scared to expose - her WH was DEEP in the fog with his swolemate (like any other affair!) They were both sports lovers, etc, etc, this OW had all kinds of things in common with my sister's WH that they did not have.

MelodyLane and myself walked her through a COMPREHENSIVE exposure, it was done 100% correctly. She was terrified but she pushed through her fear and just did it. Sister's WH was so angry that he broke things in the house, packed his bag and moved out (but came back later) and repeatedly said he was DONE DONE DONE regardless of whether OW was in picture or not (we drove that ho off).

They ARE fully recovered today.

But my sister listened and followed exposure 100%.

I do not believe you do a thorough exposure - just by the sheer fact that you are not giving us details of what exactly happened.

We don't want to hear the fog babble. Tell us about the exposure so we can make sure it was done correctly. That's your best shot.

Talk fog babble = useless and complete waste of time.
Talk to us about exposure plan = best shot at killing this affair and saving your marriage.


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Originally Posted by wifeinstrife
I am going to need guiding out of the fire

You now have 13 PAGES of volunteers who are taking their own time to help you because we care about you, and because we have been through this and know what will work and what will NOT work, trying to guide you. But you are so beat down from this abusive situation that you cannot seem to think rationally or follow a plan.

We want to guide you out of this fire but you need to let us.

You still haven't even told us what happened, you just babbled fogbabble to us. We are rational people who don't care about fogbabble.

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Originally Posted by wifeinstrife
I have done a really bad thing. This women is the light of his life and he feels she is a beautiful person inside and out. He has been searching for this love for his whole life. He will NEVER agree to demands of taking the phone and accountability, he thinks I am manipulating him and interfering and evil. I dont think it matters one bit that family and friends know. He will continue to protect her and try to call and text her. I look like the terrible person here for exposing her. She broke it off not him. If I would have waited they probably would have stopped at some point. He needed to make the decision to break it off, now he will pine for her forever. I have probably pushed them together more. I am going to need guiding out of the fire because now I cant even have a conversation with him. He avoids me and I have to find reasons to stay away.

This is a complete waste of our time and your time.

Tell us exactly who you exposed to and what you said and how (email, phone call etc).


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These people should be on your exposure list:
OW husband, parents, siblings, children, church. On your husbands side it should be exposed to his parents and siblings, children, church. Your parents and siblings also need to know what you are up against.

If there are close friends who can influence them, you also expose to them.

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Originally Posted by goody2shoes
These people should be on your exposure list:
OW husband, parents, siblings, children, church. On your husbands side it should be exposed to his parents and siblings, children, church. Your parents and siblings also need to know what you are up against.

If there are close friends who can influence them, you also expose to them.
This ^^^

Who has been exposed to from this list?

And why did you leave the house?


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We never knew that it could be this good! smile
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FWW/BW (me)
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Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by wifeinstrife
I have done a really bad thing.
Nope they did a really bad thing and you brought it to light.

Originally Posted by wifeinstrife
This women is the light of his life and he feels she is a beautiful person inside and out. He has been searching for this love for his whole life.
Gag. He should have been searching for this love with you. There is NO reason why he shouldn't try to find this with you. YOU ARE HIS WIFE!!!

Originally Posted by wifeinstrife
He will NEVER agree to demands of taking the phone and accountability
Then you have a choice to make. If he won't follow your plan then you best get away from him before this harms you any further than it already has.

Originally Posted by wifeinstrife
he thinks I am manipulating him and interfering and evil.

And you believe him??? He's gaslighting you. HE'S MARRIED FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

He is manipulating you and he is evil. You are married and moving towards the behaviors of someone who is married. He's deep, deep into his fog and therefore marriage, obviously, means nothing to him at this point.

Wife, do you even understand the basic concepts of Dr Harley? I'm thinking you don't because you keep believing there is this thing called the Light of his Life and that it just magically happens. It doesn't. People fall in love with another person because that other person satisfies their emotional needs and avoids lovebusting them. Plain and simple that's how it works. He fell in love with her and she fell in love with him because they allowed each other to satisfy these emotional needs. Had you and him focused on meeting these needs and if he had any healthy boundaries he would never would have found these (light of his life, gag) feelings.

Originally Posted by wifeinstrife
If I would have waited they probably would have stopped at some point.
I highly doubt that. Again back to the concepts of a lovebank. They were meeting each other's needs. There was nothing there that was going to stop that. Their affair would have only became more entrenched.

Originally Posted by wifeinstrife
He needed to make the decision to break it off, now he will pine for her forever.
Not if you and him build the type of relationship we all know Dr Harley's plan can build. One day he will feel like you are the light of his life IF YOU FOLLOW THE PLAN.

Last edited by MrAlias; 10/05/16 06:51 AM.

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HE DOESNT CARE IF HE IS MARRIED!!!!!!!! He wants what he wants and that has always been the way, something is always better then what he has. He wants her.

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We don't really care what your husband wants, we want to help you get through this terrible ordeal.

If you exposed to everybody, it won't be so easy anymore to have a wife at home to wash his dirty laundary, cook his meal and make his bed, while he is committing adultery with his angelic mistress.

Do you want your marriage to recover? MB is your best chance to that. If you don't want your marriage to recover, MB is your best plan to personal recovery.

Can you tell who you exposed to and how?

If you haven't already, buy and read the book "Surviving an Affair".

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An affair is terrible for your mental and physical health. Are you able to eat and sleep? If not, see your doctor.

Meanwhile, try to eat healthy (omega-3, veggies, no sugar) and take a walk outside every now and then. Some foods can help you a bit, bananas are rich in tryptophan, which might help you relax and/or sleep better.

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Originally Posted by wifeinstrife
HE DOESNT CARE IF HE IS MARRIED!!!!!!!! He wants what he wants and that has always been the way, something is always better then what he has. He wants her.

Did you read our posts about exposure? Have you finished your exposures?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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