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**EDIT**

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6. I have NO real world examples of living the POUA. None. I have never met anyone who lived it and therefore have zero frame of reference for it or how it�s done. The logistical realities of it are completely foreign to me, a fact which I do not think can be overstated. I absolutely see how living it would be a healing balm to marriages in trouble and a constant anchor to good marriages. But I sincerely doubt that I am the first or will be the last that needs a lot more detail and guidance on how others have made it work. As I stated before, although the gym is not something that would work for us, I still appreciate knowing, specifically, how others do it (though I would still love more details). If anything, it can help assuage my fears that it is impossible. Merely saying, �it can be done,� does not. You guys are the ONLY people that I have access to that are able to say, �hey, I�ve done it. Here�s how I did.� You need not take it personally if I say that something won�t work for me. My intention in responding was that it could be a conversation, where you could either say, �ok, then that won�t work for you,� or maybe �I think this might still work and here�s why,� as opposed to taking offense and reprimanding me.


To prisca specifically, since I feel that she is one of those annoyed by me but has still taken the time to advise me over and over: Let me be very clear that I do appreciate getting your advice and I hope I will be able to continue receiving it as I work this program with my husband. Reading your story through the archives has been extremely inspiring, and has given me so much hope. I know that your guidance and feedback will be invaluable as we move forward. I hope that you will be able to be open to the idea that I am eager to learn and I do respect your experience with this program. This thread feels like a negative feedback loop and I hope it can stop.

Last edited by Denali; 12/22/16 04:27 PM. Reason: TOS rude and argumentative

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13yr, did you ever follow up on any of my suggestions?

All of this discussion about how does UA work is a distraction from the real issue, which is that your husband is not on board with the program and is willing to do things regardless of how it makes you feel, such as viewing television programs that are hurtful to you.

A wife trying to figure out UA with a husband who is not motivated to implement the program will never be able to figure it out.

Last edited by markos; 12/22/16 03:35 PM.

If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 17 years, who is a beautiful angel.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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If you will follow the suggestions I gave you in my last post, you will not only build good habits for your marriage, but you will find that more posters will be willing to share their experiences and advice with you.

BTW, I am not posting to you because I am annoyed. I post to you because I want to help you. I ignore people who annoy me. These things that have been pointed out to you are habits we all had to learn. Nobody is attacking you or singling you out.


Markos' Wife
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Originally Posted by markos
13yr, did you ever follow up on any of my suggestions?

All of this discussion about how does UA work is a distraction from the real issue, which is that your husband is not on board with the program and is willing to do things regardless of how it makes you feel, such as viewing television programs that are hurtful to you.

A wife trying to figure out UA with a husband who is not motivated to implement the program will never be able to figure it out.

Well, I feel stupid responding when I just said that would be my last comment, but I suppose I meant my last comment on the negativity anyway. You've been great with advice so I don't want to seem that I've ignored it.

YES. I wrote to the radio program yesterday! smile

My husband is going to have a hard time with the POJA I think, but he hasn't been outright refusing to try. He is excited about the idea of a good marriage and about UA time. He did watch one of his shows I dislike last night even after watching the first part of the seminar the previous night. When I pointed out that's a LB for me, he first tried to argue that he had his headphones on and wasn't doing it in front of me. I am not sure if my reaction was an AO or not but I got pretty annoyed. He knew that wasn't what it meant (we read a lot of the basic materials a long time ago but made little to no effort to implement them at that time). He eventually agreed to stop but I don't know if it was just to appease me. He said it wasn't though and told me again that he does want to do what it takes to have a great marriage.

I do think he's on board.

Last edited by 13yearsdown; 12/22/16 04:09 PM.

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Quote
You guys are the ONLY people that I have access to that are able to say, �hey, I�ve done it. Here�s how I did.�
Here's the thing: When people DO tell you what they did, and you mock what they say, they are going to be less likely to want to help you.

I'd really like to know if you'll take me up on the challenge I gave you.


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moderator's note, if you have an issue with other posters, notify the moderators and let us handle it. that is our job. Don't come on the forum and lecture posters. If there is an issue, we will handle it. We have given you quite a bit of latitude on this thread because we want to help you, but the lecturing, disrespect and arguing must stop.


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13yearsdown, I am locking this thread until I receive assurance from you via email that the arguing, lecturing and disrespect will stop. Posters will be glad to help you once that stops.


MBDenali@gmail.com
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