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Finding POJA's
#2892546 01/13/17 01:57 AM
Joined: Jan 2017
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EmDee Offline OP
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EmDee
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Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 3
My husband finds great pleasure in sports activities that I am unable to participate in, at least not to the level that he can. He's a natural athlete and something of a daredevil, and I can barely make it down a ski slope or around a corner on a motorcycle. He pursues these activities with people whom I do not particularly care for--no women that I know of, thankfully--and I resent the time he spends with them and away from me. Not long ago he spent an Official National Four-Day Holiday motorcycling with some of his boys.Months later, I am still furious. I would love to hear suggestions on how to resolve the conflicts.

Thanks in advance.
Re: Finding POJA's
EmDee #2892548 01/13/17 08:06 AM
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MelodyLane Offline
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MelodyLane
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Hi EmDee, welcome to Marriage Builders. We can help you learn the skills to negotiate decisions but the solutions will need to come from you and your husband. A couple of articles that might be helpful:

Having Trouble with the Policy of Joint Agreement?

Following the Policy of Joint Agreement When You're VERY Incompatible

How to Create Your Own Plan to Resolve Conflicts and Restore Love to Your Marriage

Do you have the books Lovebusters and His Needs, Her Needs?

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101
Re: Finding POJA's
MelodyLane #2892717 01/17/17 01:20 PM
Joined: Aug 2000
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wannabophim Offline
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wannabophim
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I would also think about a few things:

1) Would you be okay if he did all the sports activities if you also got to spend time with him?

2) Would you be okay if he did some of the activities if you also got to spend time with him?

3) Or would you rather he did none?

4) Check out the Recreational Inventory to find activities that you can both do together.
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4505_rei.html

5) Have you ever documented how much time he spends at each activity each week?

6) Are you truthful with him? Like if he says "is it okay if I go motorcycling with the guys" do you say "I guess" or do you say "I would like if we did something together instead, we haven't done anything in a while" or "Yes, but if we can do XYZ next holiday".

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